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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23988493">Fatal Charm</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/brokenhighways/pseuds/brokenhighways'>brokenhighways</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Fatal Charm [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Hit the Floor (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Basketball, Canon Compliant, Crimes &amp; Criminals, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Mystery, POV Alternating, Plotty, Psychological Drama</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 20:27:33</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>54,432</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23988493</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/brokenhighways/pseuds/brokenhighways</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When Zero ends a romantic ‘relationship’ with a beautiful Ohio dancer, Alexis, and joins the Los Angeles Devils, she develops a fatal attraction and decides to win him back. Things take a turn for the worse when Zero publicly falls for his agent, Jude Kinkade, causing a series of fateful events that leave them fighting for their relationship - and their lives.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jude Kinkade/Zero | Gideon, Lionel Davenport &amp; Jude Kinkade, Zero | Gideon/Original Character(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Fatal Charm [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1746166</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>143</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>132</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Hit The Floor ▶ Zero / Jude Kinkade, Zude</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. In & Out</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mercury22/gifts">Mercury22</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Fatal Charm wouldn't exist if it wasn't for <b>Mercury22</b> who sent me a brilliant story outline. Several thousand words later, here we are! :P It's been an absolute pleasure collaborating with her and I'm immensely grateful to her for sharing her idea and also helping with the editing process! I hope that everyone enjoys the story. :)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Chapter 1: In &amp; Out</strong>
</p><p>
  
</p>
<hr/><p>Zero wakes up with a <em>splitting </em>headache and his tongue stuck to the roof of his mouth. Crust glues his left eye shut and he's sure that the birds chirping outside are absolutely <em>loving </em>the fact that he's hungover. It takes a few seconds for everything to come back to him and when it does, he grins so hard his head hurts even more.</p><p>He just won his team the fucking <em>championship</em>.</p><p>There were seconds left on the clock when the ball found its way to him and he did what he did best. Scored the perfect three-pointer and sent the entire arena into a frenzy. The cheers of the crowd were deafening, not that he cared when his teammates hoisted him up onto their shoulders and tossed him into the air.</p><p>“Zero! Zero! Zero! Zero!”</p><p>The fans chanted his name like he was a hero and he lost count of how many hands he shook, how many embraces he was pulled into.</p><p>The media stuff after is a blur, but he remembers the after party. Drinks flowing, the constant praise, so many congratulatory pats on the shoulder that he's probably got a bruise and the girls…</p><p>The <em>girls. </em></p><p>Zero's not naive, half of the girls only show up to the parties because they're looking to get something out of it - it's not like he's short of money. He can afford to make it rain every now and then. Truth be told, he’s a sucker for a pretty girl’s undivided attention.</p><p>Last night, after talking to what seemed like every girl in the club, he finally ended up making out with a hot blonde with great legs. While her name's escaping him now, the rest of their time together isn't. He particularly remembers rounds two <em>and </em>three.</p><p>After basking in his memories for a few minutes more, Zero cracks an eye open and realizes that he's not at his house <em>or </em>a hotel. He glances over to the side and sees a mess of blonde hair spilled over a cream-colored pillow.</p><p>For a moment, he’s unable to place the girl, and then recognition dawns on him.</p><p>It's the hot blonde from the club - and now that the alcohol haze has cleared up, he realizes it's one of the Ohio cheerleaders - or dancers as they're now called - Alexis. He's only ever seen her in passing, and now he can check her off his list of conquests. His eyes linger on her bare breasts and he thinks about waking her up and continuing the fun.</p><p>Instead, he grabs his discarded clothes and leaves after reminding himself much like a single-use camera, once he’s done, he’s <em>done.</em></p><p>
  
</p><p>Winning a championship is <em>huge</em>, especially for someone like Zero who's ambitious. Even though the Ohio team is talented and benefited from a strong roster this season, Zero's been around the block long enough to know that they got lucky. Other teams self-destructed and crashed out leaving them to swoop in and claim their first title in years.</p><p>That's not going to happen again.</p><p>Still, Zero believes in loyalty and he and his agent meet with the board in good faith to talk about renewing his contract.</p><p>Apparently, they have other ideas.</p><p>“Look, Zero, we're all fucking proud of you, but you haven't done anything to justify the new terms that you want,” William, the President of Business Relations, says. “Particularly in light of your scandals. Cleaning up your messes isn't cheap.”</p><p>Zero's known as the God-fearing Christian poster boy of the league. He's always got a Bible verse on hand, always the first to lead the team in prayer. He works hard to cultivate that image and the fans lap it up.</p><p>What they don't know is that Zero's got a wild side. Specifically, when it comes to women - halfway through the season, he was caught in a compromising position with the Governor's daughter at an event.</p><p>By her <em>husband</em>.</p><p>He’s never really stopped to think about the consequences, not when there is always someone cleaning up after him each time.</p><p>“So, what? I win the championship and I get nothing for it?”</p><p>William bites his lip and shrugs. “Sorry, kid. You win us another one and maybe we can take it from there. Until then I'm afraid that it's business as usual.”</p><p>
  
</p><p>Zero’s on his way out of the arena when he sees a familiar face.</p><p>“Alexis, right?” he calls out just before she walks past him. She stops mid-halt, swiveling around to meet his gaze.</p><p>He gives her a once over and realizes she's <em>hot. </em>She has soft brown eyes with long blonde hair cascading around her shoulders. She's dressed down - a wine and gold crop top, black sneakers and navy joggers - but she still looks good. Zero’s mouth curves into a smile as he recalls running his hands over her supple skin and the way that she smelt like mango and pineapple.</p><p>Alexis's eyebrows shoot up at his obvious interest. “I'm glad to see that you made it home safely. You...disappeared so suddenly.”</p><p>Zero's been on the receiving end of this tone enough to know how to charm his way out of it. Women are usually after one thing - a sense of belonging, the feeling that he <em>cares</em> about them. Normally, he disappoints them, except his agent told him that if he's ever going to get out of Ohio, he needs to make a name for himself. He needs to attract positive attention and that means all the philandering needs to be put on hold.</p><p>Maybe Alexis can help him with that.</p><p>“Sorry, I had some prior obligations that I couldn't miss. How about I take you out for dinner to make it up to you?”</p><p>“What's the catch?” Alexis asks. “What does a guy like you get out of going to dinner with me?”</p><p>Zero smiles. “Can't a nice guy like me just take a pretty girl like yourself out without there being a catch?”</p><p>“You’re the one who catches balls for a living. You tell me.”</p><p>
  
</p><p>They dine at the best Italian restaurant in town. Zero orders the mushroom risotto with spinach while Alexis opts for a curried chicken and mango salad; they share a bottle of red wine, although Zero decides to stick to water. While they wait for the food to arrive, they make small talk about the team and the recent championship win.</p><p>“Try-outs are soon,” Alexis says in between sips of wine when they're discussing next season. “For the dance team.”</p><p>Zero furrows his brow and rubs his chin. “Aren't you already a dancer?”</p><p>“Gotta re-audition every year. Kind of like how the players need to prove their worth for the next season. It's all cyclical.”</p><p>“Makes sense.” Zero concedes the point. “What made you want to become a dancer anyway?”</p><p>Truth be told, Zero's not particularly interested, he simply knows how to make a girl feel like they have his undivided attention.</p><p>Alexis shrugs and a wisp of blonde hair falls from her loose stylish up-do. “It's the only thing I'm good at.”</p><p>Zero nods. “I can definitely relate to that.”</p><p>If Zero was the caring and sharing guy, he'd try and get more details, but he's not. He's not here to play house either. He's just here to make sure the guy he paid to take pictures does his job. Although Alexis is sweet, Zero doesn't do relationships and even if he did, he doesn't <em>feel </em>anything for her.</p><p>That makes her the perfect girl to revamp his image.</p><p>“There's a team party next week. An official one. Wanna come?”</p><p>Alexis beams at him. “Sure.”</p><p>
  
</p><p>They show up at the party hand in hand. Zero poses with her on the red carpet, even going so far as to kiss her. He pulls away before she can kiss him back, smiling sweetly when she narrows her eyes in question.</p><p>“I forgot myself,” he lies, because he needs her and can't afford to piss her off. “I don't want to rush into anything or have to answer questions. You get that, right?”</p><p>“Right. So, you're just parading me around this party for nothing? I'm not an idiot, Zero. My father is on the board of directors. I know that they're not giving you a new contract.”</p><p>Zero drops her hand and steps back. “So, what, you're just playing me? Seeing how much I'll do to get what I want?”</p><p>“I think you just described yourself.”</p><p>“Look, I'm sorry.”</p><p>“Don't be. The way I see it, you get something out of it, and I get something out of it. Just stop treating me like I'm a dumb blonde. The worst thing you can do is underestimate me, Zero.”</p><p>Even though the words sound like a threat, what she's offering is too enticing for him to pass up.</p><p>
  
</p><p>“Can we just take a break for ten minutes,” Alexis asks him a week later. They're at a charity fundraiser and Zero's been making his way around. Truth be told, he's bored out of his mind and he could do with some respite.</p><p>He follows her outside and into the hallway, following blindly when she drags him down a flight of stairs and into what looks like an empty conference room. She closes the door behind them and unzips the back of her dress, breathing a sigh of relief when she steps out of it.</p><p>“What are you doing?”</p><p>The last thing Zero needs is to be caught having sex at <em>another</em> charity fundraiser.</p><p>“My dress is tight as fuck and I need to breathe for a minute. Just be quiet and enjoy the view.”</p><p>Zero's not made of stone; she looks <em>amazing</em> standing in front of him in her matching lacy bra and panties. Plus, they <em>are </em>alone, and this room doesn't have any windows or cameras.</p><p>Matter of fact...</p><p>“You could easily have done this in the bathroom. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say that you’re trying to get me into trouble.”</p><p>Alexis scrunches her face. “If you could see inside ladies’ bathrooms, you’d avoid them too. They're disgusting.”</p><p>Zero wrinkles his nose. “Thanks for that visual.”</p><p>Exactly ten minutes later, Zero finds himself helping her back into the dress. How he manages to keep his hands to himself is a mystery. This might be for his own benefit, but he doesn't see a reason why they can't have fun. He might not <em>feel </em>anything, but they still have chemistry.</p><p>They might as well make the most of it.</p><p>
  
</p><p>“So, I have four Reds tickets and I was wondering if you wanted to go,” Zero says when they’re taking a quick pap stroll before Alexis’s next practice session. “Thought you could invite your parents.“</p><p>“You want us to go to <em>Cincinnati</em> for a baseball game? With my parents?“ Alexis looks like he’s suggested that she rip her own hair out.</p><p>“I can get Indians tickets if that’s better. I was hoping we could make a trip out of it.“</p><p>Alexis huffs petulantly and scuffs the sidewalk with her pumps. “You were hoping to suck up to my Dad. He’s a huge Reds fan.“</p><p>Zero eyes her carefully - he was expecting little to no resistance on this, but it looks like spending the day with her parents is the <em>last </em>thing she wants to do. “We don’t have to if you don’t want to.“</p><p>“Good,“ she says quickly. “I don’t want to.“</p><p>There’s probably a story there, some family drama that Zero isn’t particularly interested in. He’s not going to force it because he knows all about fucked up families...yet it’s a <em>huge </em>wrench in his plan to impress her father (and subsequently the board).</p><p>“Look, I know that so far our ‘arrangement’ has only benefited me. What do <em>you </em>want?“</p><p>Alexis pauses mid-stride and folds her arms across her chest. “You’re really set on this baseball thing, aren’t you? Bonding with my father over cheap beer and hot dogs while a bunch of guys run around a square.“</p><p>“It’s a <em>diamond</em>,“ Zero corrects her, “and yeah, I kind of need him to like me.“</p><p>“My car.“</p><p>“What?“ Zero says. “You want a new car? Sure. Done.“</p><p>Alexis scoffs in disbelief. “No. I just need help fixing mine. That’s what I want.“</p><p>“Seriously? Most girls want jewelry, diamonds...expensive shit. All you want is your car to be fixed?“</p><p>This time she gives him a coy smile. “I keep on telling you, I’m not like most girls.“</p><p>
  
</p><p>Zero and Alexis continue their charade over the next few weeks. They wine and dine, watch movies, turn up at any events with media coverage, go for walks and play mini golf. Following the baseball game, he does dinner with Alexis’s parents <em>twice</em> and slips into the role of doting boyfriend seamlessly. Her parents are <em>odd </em>in a Stepford kind of way and he’s certain her mom dropped a hint about him <em>proposing</em>.</p><p>Apart from that they're the perfect couple and it’s almost <em>too </em>easy to fool people into thinking it’s real.</p><p>Unfortunately, Zero finds himself needing an itch scratched and it's not like he can go out and hook up with someone random. The whole point is that he's <em>changed</em>.</p><p>He sets his sights on Alexis instead. The way he sees it she clearly likes him, and he likes her well enough to do something casual. All he’s got to do is ask her - and he's a hundred percent sure she'll agree.</p><p>With that in mind, he shows up at one of Alexis's private dance rehearsals with coffees and bagels, setting them down on an empty table when he enters the hall.</p><p>“What are you doing here?“ Alexis says, pushing her hair from her forehead. “There are no cameras. No one to perform to.“</p><p>Zero grins at her. “We're friends, right? I'm showing you support.”</p><p>Alexis looks unconvinced before something dawns on her. “Actually, my Dad <em>is</em> having an event soon and I haven't had a chance to assess your dancing skills. Take off your jacket.”</p><p>“I don't dance,” Zero says. “Ever.”</p><p>“Come over here and I'll be the judge.”</p><p>“I said <em>don't </em>not can't.”</p><p>Alexis stares at him. “And I said <em>I'll</em> be the judge.”</p><p>She switches the music while Zero removes his jacket and they waltz around the room. After a few minutes they switch to the tango, and Zero manages to surprise her with his moves. They glide together effortlessly. Her body is the perfect weight against his and his heartbeat raises a notch whenever she puts her hands on him.</p><p>By the time they're done, Alexis is giggling at one of his stupid jokes, head thrown back, eyes lit up with laughter. Zero wants to strip her clothes with his teeth and kiss her until all his pent-up frustration melts away.</p><p>Alexis has the same idea if the way she licks her lips subtly is an indication - she leans in and brushes the shell of his ear with her lips, whispering: “You have two minutes to find us somewhere private or we're going to end up with the wrong kind of press tomorrow.”</p><p>They end up in the back office, door barely shut before Zero kisses her, pulling away long enough to pull her sports bra off. Her hands find his waistband, dragging his pants and boxers down together in one fell swoop. She shimmies out of her own yoga pants and perches on the desk, legs wide open in invitation.</p><p>
  
</p><p>The next day, Zero finds himself thinking about the dance rehearsal while he's at the gym. He might not <em>feel</em> anything for Alexis, but she knows how to make him <em>feel </em>things. At the very least they can have fun while their 'relationship' runs its course.</p><p>By the time his workout is over, he's booked a hotel room and texts the details to Alexis. They're not close enough for him to take her home and he doesn’t want to go to her place and run the risk of bumping into her parents.</p><p>“I'm surprised you didn't spring for the penthouse suite,” Alexis says when she shows up. She's in her rehearsal clothes, not that Zero cares. “Seems like the ostentatious kind of thing you’d do. Or are we trying to be inconspicuous?”</p><p>“Next time, baby,” Zero says, leaning in to tuck a wisp of blonde hair behind her ear. “Only the best for you.”</p><p>He’s laying it on thick, not that she’s buying it. Still, she rolls her eyes good naturedly and heads into the bathroom to change. Zero flops down on the bed and flips through the channels until she reemerges.</p><p>“What do you think?”</p><p>Zero looks up idly, freezing when he catches sight of her racy black lingerie. “I think that you need to get over here right now.”</p><p>
  
</p><p>“Over here, Zero! Over here!”</p><p>There's a swarm of paparazzi outside the restaurant and Zero and Alexis exit through the front entrance, in full view of every camera. It’s a decent sized group of paps. Not the kind that Zero would command in a bigger city like Dallas or Los Angeles, but a sizable amount.</p><p>Zero grabs Alexis by the hand, smiling subtly as they saunter past. He waves at them cheerily, deliberately sliding his shades down to make it seem like he’s not <em>loving </em>the attention.</p><p>The reporters call out questions, all of which he ignores because this isn't about <em>confirming </em>anything. It's about raising interest and keeping people guessing.</p><p>“What's the name of your girlfriend, Zero? Who is she? Is it serious?”</p><p>Alexis's stride slows, like she wants to answer but he keeps his grip on her hand. The last thing he needs is for people to think he's in an honest to God relationship.</p><p>
  
</p><p>Shortly after the paparazzi incident, Alexis's behavior starts to change. Not overnight, but gradually. Gone is the carefree, flighty dancer and in her place is a nagging woman who's acting like she’s his girlfriend.</p><p>One evening after they’ve been intimate, Zero finds himself rubbing her shoulder soothingly while she complains about her bitchy dance instructor.</p><p>“It's like I can never do anything right, you know. With everybody.”</p><p>Zero presses a kiss on her neck and murmurs, “I'm sure that's not true.”</p><p>He's only been half listening in the hopes that she initiates round two, but she's been talking for <em>thirty </em>minutes.</p><p>Alexis shifts so that they're facing each other. “When are we going to make things public? I know that this is just casual but being in hotel rooms makes me feel like I'm the other woman. You got a wife that I don't know about?”</p><p>Even though she plays it off as a joke, Zero's been around the block to know <em>fishing </em>when he hears it. She wants to know if there's somebody else.</p><p>“It's just you, Lexi,” Zero tells her, shortening her name for effect. “I promise.”</p><p>She stiffens at the nickname but relaxes after his empty promise.</p><p>If only she knew.</p><p>
  
</p><p>It begins to look like Zero's just going to play ball with what Ohio are offering him - which is <em>nothing</em>. He falls into a routine, Alexis, training, Alexis, training, rinse and repeat. It's stale and uninspiring and he wonders if this is it.</p><p>The pinnacle of his career.</p><p>The beginning of the end.</p><p>There's no way the team is going to win the championship next season, not with the players on the roster.</p><p>Zero pours his frustration into his workout and buries himself in feeling the burn in his lungs and ache in his muscles - until a chance meeting changes everything.</p><p>“Zero? Do you have five minutes to talk?”</p><p>He looks up at the source of interruption - a tall, floppy haired yet good looking guy in a mid-priced suit watching him with purpose.</p><p>Zero's first instinct is to laugh, but he masks it by giving the guy a once over. The guy seems nervous and Zero wonders if he's lost or after an autograph. It wouldn't be the first time a fan has wandered in off the street and tried to talk to him.</p><p>Although, the suit probably means that it's a business 'opportunity' which Zero doesn't deal with personally. He pays people to do that for him.</p><p>“I'm in the middle of something, but if you leave your details, I'll have my people send you something.”</p><p>Zero turns away to grab his towel when the guy pipes up again.</p><p>“Sorry, this is important.”</p><p>The guy seems genuine enough to not mean Zero any harm, so he decides to hear him out.</p><p>“What do you want, kid?” The guy towers over Zero so he’s <em>not</em> a kid, but it’s a shameless power play on his part.</p><p>“I'm not a kid,” he says confidently.</p><p>Zero laughs knowingly. “Good to know. What do you want?”</p><p>“I'm Jude Kinkade. Son of Oscar Kinkade.”</p><p>It takes Zero a moment to put the pieces together. “Oscar Kinkade? Like, the owner of Los Angeles Devils, Oscar Kinkade?”</p><p>Nobody knows, but Zero grew up on the streets of L.A. That's where he learned how to play ball, where he fought for everything he has today. Playing for the Devils would mean everything has gone full circle.</p><p>They're the best professional basketball team in the <em>world</em>.</p><p>He's been pushing for a deal from Ohio all this time without realizing that it's time to aim higher.</p><p>It's time to shoot for the stars and score the <em>perfect slam </em>dunk.</p><p>“The one and only,” Jude says with a proud and confident smile. “We think that you'd be a great fit for the team.”</p><p>“Oscar sent you here?” Zero doesn't want to get too ahead of himself. Not after the debacle with Ohio. He needs to be sure that there's a deal on the table before he enters discussions.</p><p>Jude's smile falters and Zero bites back a snort. “Not exactly.”</p><p>“Well then, I guess we're done talking.”</p><p>“What if I told you that I could get you a deal,” Jude says. “Better than the one you have here.”</p><p>Zero wraps the towel around his neck and grabs his phone. “I'd say come back when you have Daddy's approval.”</p><p>
  
</p><p>Alexis is Ohio through and through and even if Zero wanted to tell her, her father is on the board. That leaves him with only one person to confide in - his housekeeper, Maria.</p><p>“What's the problem?” she asks once he's done pacing around his kitchen. “It sounds like a good thing.”</p><p>“I have a good thing going here. Is it worth risking it for L.A.? A city that has a knack for swallowing people whole and spitting them out broken?”</p><p>Maria side eyes him. “Well. If your basketball career ever flops, you should try your hand at acting. You certainly have a flair for the dramatic.”</p><p>“Oh, come on, you only have to switch on the news and someone in Hollywood has lost their mind,” Zero says. “Maybe it's not worth it.”</p><p>“How do you know that if you're not willing to give it a try?” Maria asks him. “If there's one person I'd put money on making it - it's you. I mean, every day I come to this big house of yours and I don't see anybody else. No friends, no family, no one. You know what that tells me?”</p><p>“That I'm an antisocial weirdo?”</p><p>“That you're strong enough to make it on your own. I don't necessarily agree with you pushing everyone away, but if anyone can go to L.A. and make a bigger name for himself <em>successfully</em>, it's you.”</p><p>Zero nods, slowly accepting her words. “What about Alexis?“</p><p>“Do you love her?“ Maria asks scornfully, like she thinks Zero is full of shit - hell, she probably does. She’s been best placed to see his parade of women.</p><p>Yet...the question is loaded. He doesn’t believe in love, not really, and Alexis knows that. Still, he’s not a monster. He cares about her - just not enough to jeopardize his future.</p><p>“She’s a great girl.“</p><p>Maria tuts impatiently. “A man in love doesn’t hesitate to say yes, Zero. You do what you need to do - but remember, broken hearts beat the loudest.“</p><p>
  
</p><p>“What does your house look like?”</p><p>The question comes during a brunch date at a small, but prominent and photogenic bistro. They take enough pictures to add to their Instagram stories before they finally sit down to eat - and pry into each other’s personal lives apparently.</p><p>Zero looks up from where he's been surfing through his Instagram feed.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>Alexis takes a small bite of her panini, brushing away nonexistent crumbs before she continues. Zero's not sure why he's never noticed how oddly <em>perfect </em>she is. There's rarely a hair out of place, never a moment where she's not acting.</p><p>Suddenly, he realizes that he's not interested in her story and he's equally disinterested in the role that she's playing.</p><p>Or maybe he’s doing what he <em>always </em>does when he needs to push someone away - coming up with reasons why they’re no good for him.</p><p>For some reason Jude Kinkade springs to mind. Specifically, the way he quietly gave up when Zero cut their conversation short. Zero's used to people laying it on thick in the face of rejection<em>. </em>Instead, Jude left his business card, nodded and went quietly with his shoulders hunched in defeat.</p><p>Zero felt bad and somewhat intrigued when he played the situation in his head and he <em>never</em> feel bad or thinks twice about others.</p><p>Maybe Maria's right.</p><p>L.A. might be the future he didn't know he needed.</p><p>“Zero?”</p><p>Zero blinks and remembers that Alexis asked about his house. “Oh, it's just a regular house. Five bedrooms. Two bathrooms.”</p><p>“Little big for one person, isn't it?”</p><p>She's fishing again which is irritating, but Zero needs to play nice until his move to L.A. is set in stone.</p><p>“No, it's just me. I like to have my own space.”</p><p>“Don't you think I should see it, just in case I need to do an interview or something?”</p><p>Zero wants to inform her that hell will freeze over before he lets that happen. Right now, she's the cute dancer that he's hanging out with. She's not his <em>girlfriend </em>and he's going to stick to the same line they've maintained throughout the façade - they're friends.</p><p>“Lexi, no one's going to ask you shit about my house and if they do, you shut it down. We've talked about this.”</p><p>“Maybe I'm tired of us always being at a hotel. What's the point of messing around with a player if I can't enjoy <em>one </em>night in a fancy house? It’s not like I ask for much. You’re not <em>paying </em>me for this little PR relationship we’re in.”</p><p>Zero considers her point briefly and decides to let her come over. It's a win-win situation for him; he shuts her up and gets his dick wet without needing to go through hoops and paperwork. God knows he's burnt an Amazon rainforest's worth of paper handing out nondisclosure agreements.</p><p>At least he won't need to get her to sign one. By the time he's gone, what she has to say won't matter.</p><p>“You're right, babe. You've been good to me and I guess it's time we take this to the next level. Are you free tonight? Wanna come over?”</p><p>Alexis's grin is wide and beautiful...with a hint of trouble and it kicks the final piece in place.</p><p>By the time Zero returns it with a smile of his own, he's finally decided that he's getting out of here.</p><p>He's going to L.A. - <em>without </em>Alexis.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Let Me Know If You’re Down</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for all of the great comments so far, I'm glad that you all are enjoying the story!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Chapter 2: Let Me Know If You’re Down</strong>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<hr/>
<p>Jude Kinkade isn't a typical Californian rich kid. He's not flashy, stylish and always accompanied by a pretty face. He drives a respectable Fiat 500. His shoes are last season, he cuts his own hair and... he's <em>desperate </em>for his father's approval (maybe he <em>is </em>a typical Californian rich kid).</p>
<p>When Jude was younger, he used to play basketball and tell anyone who’d listen that he was going to be a Los Angeles Devils player one day, become the apple of his father’s eye. That all crumbled into a pile of ash when he tore his ACL during a high school game and the doctor advised him to hang up his sneakers. He ended up on the path so many former basketball players did - the business side of things.</p>
<p>He is now a junior agent at the prestigious ProSport firm. Not that his father, Oscar Kinkade, cares. He will though, when Jude's able to present something to him. Currently, he’s set his sights on Zero, the small power forward at Ohio. Word around town is that he's had one too many personal issues and Ohio’s board is looking to run down his contract.</p>
<p>Jude knows better than to believe ‘word on the street’. However, there's no news of a contract even though Zero won them the championship. Clearly there's some truth to the rumor. That means that he stands a chance at bringing Zero to L.A.</p>
<p>Meeting Zero was an experience. Usually players surround themselves with an entourage. Middlemen and middlemen <em>for </em>the middlemen. On the contrary, Zero was on his own leaving Jude excited at the prospect of working with him directly. He isn't interested in going back and forth with Zero's current agent over numbers and demands. His only goal is to take over the role himself with Zero at the forefront of the Los Angeles Devils.</p>
<p>After a botched season and infighting between current captain, Terrence Wall, and resident bad boy, Derek Roman, it’s obvious that a shakeup is needed.</p>
<p>Jude knows that Zero is the answer.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Every Tuesday evening, Jude has dinner with his mom, Cathy. She cooks her famously terrible lasagna and Jude eats every bite because this is <em>home </em>for him, what he grew up with. Oscar was never around - a fact that his mom is keen to remind him of.</p>
<p>“I just don't want you to run yourself into the ground trying to get this Zero to sign.”</p>
<p>“I won't. I know what I'm doing.”</p>
<p>His mom places her fork down and regards him carefully. “I hope so, baby. You know what your father is like. You promise him the moon and deliver it and he <em>still </em>won't be happy. What happens if Zero doesn't come?”</p>
<p>Jude doesn’t miss a beat. “He will.”</p>
<p>“You seem very confident.”</p>
<p>“I've got nothing to lose.”</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>The call comes halfway through dinner with one of Jude's clients, a rookie who's trying to get signed. It's an unknown number, but he recognizes the area code.</p>
<p>216.</p>
<p>“I need to take this, Trey. Give me a call tomorrow, okay? We'll discuss your options in detail then.”</p>
<p>Trey agrees and Jude answers the call. “This is Jude Kinkade.”</p>
<p>“Jude Kinkade,” Zero stretches his name out, like he’s amused. “This is Zero. How soon can you meet me? We need to talk.”</p>
<p>Jude mentally fist pumps because he can feel it, can picture Zero in the black and red jersey already.</p>
<p>“Depends on what we're meeting for,” he says, keeping his tone cool and aloof. The last thing he’s going to do is blow this by being too eager to seal the deal.</p>
<p>Zero clears his throat and continues in a low voice. “Well, I might be interested in your offer from the other day. If it still stands.”</p>
<p>Jude pauses deliberately, long enough to keep Zero guessing.</p>
<p>“It still stands.”</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Jude plans to meet Zero within the coming weeks. Before he can present Zero with <em>anything,</em> he’s got to get the okay from Oscar and get a potential contract drawn up. He’s heard some whispers about the Clippers being interested, but with Ohio’s reluctance to let him go it’s obvious it’s going to take a large sum of money to get the ball rolling.</p>
<p>Jude plans to tell Oscar all of this yet, getting a one-on-one meeting with his own father proves difficult. Instead, he’s forced to arrange everything with Oscar’s executive assistant, a nice, mild-mannered woman called Mary who constantly forgets who he is.</p>
<p>Most people would probably take offence - not Jude. It’s not her fault that Oscar sees him as an inconvenience.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Jude contacts Zero when he touches down in Ohio and arranges to meet him at his house.</p>
<p>When he arrives, there’s a party in full flow - at least that's what it appears to be. He’s surprised to find Zero standing in the driveway looking like he'd rather be anywhere else.</p>
<p>“Shouldn't you be at your party?” Jude says in lieu of a greeting. It’s not like <em>any </em>of this is conventional, there’s no need for him to start pretending now.</p>
<p>Zero glances back at the house. “It's not my party. It's my... friend's party. I guess she went overboard with the invites. The guests aren’t really <em>my</em> kind of people.”</p>
<p>“You have a specific kind of person?”</p>
<p>Zero’s answering scowl is accompanied by a creased brow. “Yeah. <em>No</em> people. I’m not really a people person.”</p>
<p>Jude files that tidbit away - he’s done his research on Zero and hasn’t found much so he’ll take whatever he can get.</p>
<p>In the meantime, he needs to know that Zero is serious about coming to play for the team.</p>
<p>“Why did you call me, Zero? You didn't seem interested in my offer before.”</p>
<p>“I've overplayed my hand in this town,” Zero admits, scratching his head and exhaling messily before he continues, “I got in good with the daughter of a higher up and... Let's just say she's not my type. It's not working out. At all.”</p>
<p>Jude scans his memory and presses pause on the mysterious blonde that Zero’s been sighted with for the past few months. There have also been a handful of cutesy Instagram posts that don’t match up with Zero’s current disposition.</p>
<p>“How did this happen?” Jude asks. “You’re revered in Ohio. You’re the God-fearing Christian who won them the championship.”</p>
<p>“Championship morning, the day after,” Zero says. “None of that shit matters. They didn't want to give me a new contract and I thought daddy's little girl would help, but instead it's like I'm in a <em>relationship </em>and I don't want that. I want more. I want to be the heart of a team. I want to be at the top and...it doesn't get higher than L.A.”</p>
<p>He looks Jude in the eye then and there’s an awkward shift in the air. Suddenly, Jude feels like this is <em>really</em> in his grasp. If he plays this right, he might show Oscar that he has what it takes to work for him <em>full-time</em>.</p>
<p>Jude swallows past the tension and keeps his tone steady. “Sounds like you've made your mind up.”</p>
<p>He wants to see if Zero is going to be forthcoming about the interest from other teams. It’s happened before, players saying one thing before abandoning ship for the highest bidder.</p>
<p>“Not yet. I have a nice deal on the table from the Clippers. Lots of money. I'd be number one... but….”</p>
<p>“Being a player for my father's team would take you right to the top.”</p>
<p>“Would it?” Zero says, his brow furrowed once again. “Seems like Derek Roman and Terrence Wall are an unstoppable unit. There's no room for my ego in that team. Right?”</p>
<p>Jude tugs at his collar and loosens his tie, suddenly feeling uncomfortable in the dry heat.</p>
<p>“Actually, there might be a way around that. Derek and Terrence don't get along. They've been fighting for months. Give it a season and <em>you'll </em>be the heart and soul of the team. Trust me.”</p>
<p>If Derek knew that Jude was telling Zero this, he’d <em>kill</em> him...yet...this is more important. Jude’s been Derek’s lackey for the last two years and gotten <em>nowhere</em>. He’s simply the person Derek calls when he needs a fix. With Zero he has an opportunity to build something sustainable.</p>
<p>“Fine. How soon can we make this happen?”</p>
<p>“What's the rush?” Jude asks. “You're still in a good position here.”</p>
<p>Zero hesitates before he says, “It's time. I don't belong here anymore. There's nothing keeping me here.”</p>
<p>Jude's about to answer when Zero's phone rings. He looks down at the display.</p>
<p>“It's my girl. She'll be wondering where I am. I need to get back and keep up appearances. You have my number.”</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Four weeks later, Zero's in L.A. holding his first ever press conference as a Los Angeles Devils player. Together with the agency, Jude negotiated a thirty-million-dollar contract spanning two years with the option to extend. It's a <em>huge</em> win getting Zero and Oscar seems impressed.</p>
<p>Not only that, Jude thinks that he and Zero are <em>friends </em>now, crazy as that sounds. They've been in constant contact over the past four weeks. Particularly when Ohio caught wind of Zero's plan to leave and things got ugly. They managed to smooth things out, although, Jude isn't sure what happened to Zero's girlfriend.</p>
<p>He doesn't really care.</p>
<p>Jude's never been in a relationship before. Not a proper one. He's had situationships, been used by people because they knew his dad was wealthy, but he's never been in love. In fact, until now, he's not sure that he's ever been attracted to anyone or knows what that feels like.</p>
<p>Zero's changed all of that and the worst part is Jude can't go there because they work together. He's done too much heavy lifting to bring Zero to L.A. to fuck it up because he has a stupid crush. Besides, Zero's got piercing blue eyes, bronzed skin, a perfect set of white teeth and artfully styled bleached blonde hair.</p>
<p>He's the kind of guy that Jude admires from a distance because they're buried under multiple layers of trouble. Zero's always got his guard up and Jude's dealt with that his entire life.</p>
<p>Plus, he's getting ahead of himself anyway.</p>
<p>Zero's <em>straight </em>and Jude's... whatever he is.</p>
<p>This is all business.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Jelena Howard and Terrence Wall are one of the major power couples in Los Angeles and they have been for years. Although they're on a break, it's understood that they will get back together the way they always do.</p>
<p>Understood by everybody <em>except </em>Zero.</p>
<p>Jude has nothing against Zero dating so long as it doesn’t jeopardize his position with the team. Going up against Terrence would be insane. Willingly doing anything with Jelena would be even crazier...</p>
<p>“Zero, you can't <em>steal </em>Terrence Wall's girlfriend from under his nose.”</p>
<p>Zero grins. “Hey, man, she came willingly. In more ways than one.”</p>
<p>...and apparently that ship has <em>already</em> sailed.</p>
<p>Jude groans inwardly. “Zero. Jelena is a shark. We can find you a nice girl to date if you're that desperate, but Jelena? She's not going to be anything but trouble.”</p>
<p>Zero’s eyes crinkle at the corner, and he winks. “I like trouble.”</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Jude dismisses the Jelena Howard thing until one night when Zero knocks on his door. It’s late, not that Jude minds. He wasn’t doing anything important anyway.</p>
<p>“Hey, do you mind if we go for a walk?” Zero asks. “I haven’t been in L.A. for years...figure I need to get used to it again.“</p>
<p>“Sure.” Jude thanks his lucky stars that a walk is all Zero wants. With Derek it’s usually two bottles of Hennessy and twenty grams of coke. He steps back inside to grab his keys, smiling when he sees Zero eyeing his apartment curiously.</p>
<p>“Let me guess, it’s too small for someone like you?”</p>
<p>Zero’s mouth curls upward. “I’m a man of simple tastes, Jude. Your apartment is fine. I was just trying to figure out if anyone else lived here.”</p>
<p>That catches Jude off-guard.</p>
<p>“It’s just me.“</p>
<p>“Why is that?“ Zero asks. “You a workaholic?“</p>
<p>Jude clears his throat. “Something like that. Why?“</p>
<p>“Just curious,“ Zero says before he switches topics abruptly. “I'm in with Jelena. She agreed to let me take her out.“</p>
<p>Jude ignores the way his stomach turns and asks, “How are things with Derek and Terrence?”</p>
<p>“They’re putting on a good front,” Zero says with a grin. “They can’t fool me, though. I know tension when I see it. Derek is a fucking asshole; I’ll tell you that much.“</p>
<p>“I'm not surprised, Derek is definitely a live wire, but Terrence cares about perception more than anything.“</p>
<p>“Rumor has it that Derek’s always buzzed. Do you know anything about that?“</p>
<p>Jude hums, not wanting to admit to what he knows because Derek is still his client.</p>
<p>“Terrence seems legit, though,“ Zero adds. “Makes me wonder why he broke up with Jelena.”</p>
<p>Jude's heard the rumors <em>and</em> he believes them. “Word is that he failed a test…right around the time another team was looking to poach him. Something that a certain dancer wasn’t happy about.”</p>
<p>It takes Zero a minute to figure it out. “Oh, come on. Not even Jelena would stoop that low.”</p>
<p>Jude shivers slightly when the cold breeze seeps through his Henley shirt. “Oh, she would. Lower even.”</p>
<p>“Are you cold?” Zero asks, suddenly shrugging off his leather jacket. “Here, take this.”</p>
<p>“I'm <em>fine.</em>”</p>
<p>“Dude it's just me here. I won't tell. And I’m the one who dragged you out of your apartment - it’s only right that I warm you up. “</p>
<p>Jude does a double take because...it seems like Zero’s flirting with him. Jude’s been around him long enough to know that he flirts with <em>everybody</em>, but...last time he checked, Zero was straight.</p>
<p>Straight guys aren’t supposed to flirt with <em>other</em> guys.</p>
<p>Still, he takes the jacket and by the time they get back to Jude's apartment, they've been talking for several hours. Jude’s in a daze, completely taken aback by how different Zero is from his public persona.</p>
<p>When he tries to give Zero his jacket back, he’s met with: “Keep it. It looks good on you. Makes a nice change from seeing you all buttoned up all the time.”</p>
<p>“Zero, I can't keep your jacket,” Jude says, because this isn’t high school and he’s not some weak-kneed teenage girl who’s looking to claim her boyfriend’s lame varsity jacket.</p>
<p>He’s a grown ass man and Zero is his <em>straight</em> and strictly off-limits client.</p>
<p>“Consider it a gift for your hard work.”</p>
<p>It's moments like this that fuel this silly crush he has and Jude smiles, his heart thumping when Zero returns it, their gazes lingering on each other for a touch too long.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Zero ignores his advice and proceeds to wine and dine Jelena while Jude watches on. He spends an inordinate amount of time making out with her publicly which leads to several half-baked fights with Terrence - and that’s only because Terrence has a public image to maintain.</p>
<p>Jude still believes that Jelena is a bad idea, however, she’s good for business. Together, she and Zero generate a lot of buzz which allows them to secure several high-profile endorsements.</p>
<p>The only issue is Jude's certain that Zero genuinely has feelings for and as the relationship progresses, it becomes difficult to separate them.</p>
<p>“Hey, man, we need to get together and go through some of these deals I'm working on,” Jude tells him one afternoon at the arena. They’re having an impromptu meeting after the team’s afternoon training session and Zero’s pointedly checked his watch three times already.</p>
<p>“Can't tonight. I'm taking Jelena to that new Italian spot that opened.“ Zero cracks a smile, like there’s something special about him taking Jelena out to eat <em>again</em>. “There's going to be a lot of press.”</p>
<p>Not for the first time, Jude is hit by an intense wave of annoyance. He’s <em>sick </em>of hearing about Jelena, tired of constantly going to bat for Zero while he devotes all his time to someone who’ll chew him up and spit him out when she’s done with the relationship.</p>
<p>He’s grown wary and fed up with counting down the days and minutes until everything implodes.</p>
<p>“Just feed some bullshit story to TMZ. We need to actually talk about things that are making you money, not this fake relationship.”</p>
<p>“It's not fake,” Zero says quickly, eyes dropping down to floor-level, like he’s embarrassed. “I like her. She’s not as bad as she seems. Trust me.“</p>
<p>Trust him? Jude laughs to himself. Before Zero, there was Darrell. Before Darrell, there was Peter.</p>
<p>Neither Darrell nor Peter play for the team anymore. Jude's not sure why all these egomaniac players think snagging Jelena will propel them to the top.</p>
<p>It's not like she matters in the grand scheme of things. Jelena’s got her own battlefield and it has nothing to do with Zero rising to the top.</p>
<p>The best way to displace Terrence Wall and become the heart of the team is <em>on the court. </em></p>
<p>“Zero, Jelena Howard is a stick of dynamite. Dangerous. Fun to play with, but all bets are off when you ignite the switch. She’s like a game of Russian Roulette. Do you really think you're any different from the others?”</p>
<p>Zero’s gaze switches suddenly focused on something in the distance. “Jude, you need to relax, man. I know what I'm doing”</p>
<p>Jude turns around to see Jelena striding towards them - for both of their sakes, he hopes that Zero really does know.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Luckily for Zero, Jude's distracted by the death of Olivia Vincent, the Devil Girls’ Performance Director. Judging by Oscar's reaction - hushed phone calls <em>and </em>constant communication with Jude, he's knee deep in trouble.</p>
<p>Jude makes it his business to fix it. It's not like he has much else to do. The only person he's friends with is Zero and Jelena Howard has his undivided attention.</p>
<p>He would be lying if he said he hasn’t considered if Oscar is guilty - he <em>did </em>publicly fire Olivia, maybe she had something on him.</p>
<p>However, he buries those thoughts deep and resolves to do whatever he needs to keep Oscar out of jail.</p>
<p>“Jude, I need you to make sure Olivia's funeral goes smoothly,“ Oscar says during one of their meetings. “You think you can handle that?”</p>
<p>Jude nods eagerly. “You won't be disappointed.”</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Three days later when Zero and Jelena emerge from the confessional booth in disarray and Olivia's husband is arrested for her murder right there in the cemetery, Jude regrets saying those words.</p>
<p>Jude decides to deal with Zero first because there's nothing he can do about Chase Vincent. Not until the police charge him. Plus, technically, he's only a junior agent. He has no official position with the team.</p>
<p>He's not sure what Oscar expects him to do.</p>
<p>Or what Zero expects him to do about the fact that fans are starting to turn on him and Jelena after their display at the funeral; Jelena laughing mid-eulogy and Zero misquoting the Bible.</p>
<p>“I came looking for you when I noticed you'd gone missing,” Jude starts quietly. “Do you wax or shave your chest?”</p>
<p>Zero doesn't flinch, he just chuckles the way he always does. “Jude, I didn't know you were watching. I hope you like what you saw.”</p>
<p>Jude pretends not to hear that and continues, “This isn't Ohio, Zero. People are watching you here. We can <em>all</em> see you. What does it look like? A God-fearing Christian <em>defiling </em>a church with a cheerleader.”</p>
<p>Zero finally begins to look uncomfortable. “Look, I'm finally making a breakthrough with Jelena, okay? Don't try to twist this into a bad thing!”</p>
<p>“Getting with her was a bad thing. That tacky suit you wore to the funeral was a <em>bad </em>thing. Having sex with her in Church? Misquoting the Bible? All bad and beyond insane. Are you stupid or has she done something to you?”</p>
<p>“Jude, look--”</p>
<p>Jude cuts him off mid-sentence. “No, Zero. I don't want to hear it. I took a chance on you and all you seem to want to do is screw it up for both of us. Do you not want to be on top? You don't want that anymore? Is Jelena Howard worth every sacrifice you've made? Is she your endgame?”</p>
<p>Zero mutters something under his breath before he says, “No, dammit. No, she's not.“</p>
<p>“You better get your act together before I turn my attention back to Derek.“</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>The following evening, Zero shows up on Jude's doorstep with a white paper bag that smells <em>delicious</em>. Jude’s been screening his calls all day, unable to even stomach a conversation after the incident at the funeral.</p>
<p>“Got you a croissant,“ Zero says. “I know you like to have them with your coffee.”</p>
<p>It’s a clear attempt at a peace offering, not that he’s ready to accept it.</p>
<p>Jude crosses his arms and gives Zero a stern look. “I'm still mad at you.”</p>
<p>“Oh, really?” Zero says. “You know, I've fired people for less than yelling at me.”</p>
<p>“If you're here to put me out of my misery, I'm all for it.”</p>
<p>Zero pushes past Jude gently and heads into the living room. He's already flopped on the couch before he answers. “You're not getting rid of me that easily.”</p>
<p>“I don't remember inviting you in.”</p>
<p>“Jude, come on. I'm <em>sorry. </em>I promise that I'll listen to you from now on.”</p>
<p>Jude takes his time to answer, mulling the situation over in his mind. Zero falling for Jelena isn't the worst thing and he can admit they do look good together.</p>
<p><em>Too </em>good.</p>
<p>They're the perfect couple - for now. Eventually one of them is going to probe deep enough to sniff out the scent of raw ambition.</p>
<p>He can only hope that Zero's smart enough to stop himself from getting caught up in her dangerous web.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Zero begins showing up at his apartment randomly and they fall into an unlikely partnership. Jude finds himself anticipating their evenings together and realizes he's disappointed whenever Jelena has Zero's attention.</p>
<p>It's not until Zero announces he’s leaving halfway through working out the details of another endorsement that it sinks in.</p>
<p>Jude <em>likes </em>Zero.</p>
<p>The curve of his smile, the way his sweat glistens on his skin after a long practice session, the way his t-shirts cling to his muscles and heck, even the shape of his ass. Jude's mentally filed each facet away and when no one else is around, he brings them out and just <em>imagines. </em>That he's in a world where he could have Zero if he wanted.</p>
<p>Have someone like Zero be <em>his</em>...</p>
<p>“Hey, man, you okay?“ Zero says, looking up from his phone. “Do you have a shirt I can borrow? Jelena wants to do a quick pap stroll before we grab dinner.“</p>
<p>…but he knows he's just deluding himself.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. You're The Only One I Can Talk To</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Chapter 3: You're The Only One I Can Talk To</strong>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<hr/>
<p>Zero feels a sense of déjà vu when parting ways with Jelena one morning, kissing her soundly before she leaves his house. He barely thinks about Alexis and he's not interested in reaching out, but he's struggling to keep the same level of distance with Jelena.</p>
<p>The fact that she's even more closed off than him is intriguing and he feels oddly protective over her. He almost forgets that he's only dating her for fame and to show Terrence Wall that he's coming for him.</p>
<p>Luckily, Jude is on hand to remind him.</p>
<p><em>Constantly</em>.</p>
<p>They're at the arena and Zero's heading to practice when Jude pounces on him. “Where were you last night?”</p>
<p>Zero grits his teeth and forces himself not to roll his eyes. “With Jelena.”</p>
<p>Jude doesn't approve of Zero's burgeoning desire to be with Jelena. He thinks that she's bad news. Zero's ears are still rollicking from the argument they got into after he and Jelena got hot and steamy in church. Apparently, Jelena clashes with his Christian personality. Not that Zero gives a shit. They lapped up his religious bullshit in Ohio because it was <em>Ohio</em>.</p>
<p>Nobody in Los Angeles gives a shit, not with all the weirdos in Hollywood.</p>
<p>“I keep warning you about her, Zero -- last night I had two investors waiting to see you.”</p>
<p>“I trust that you smoothed things over and gave them some excuse.”</p>
<p>“I did, but I can't keep covering for you, Zero, I've already got Derek all over my ass because I'm representing you. Don't screw me over.”</p>
<p>“Jude, chill, damn. Look, we’re in this together. You brought me here and I'm indebted to you. I'm not going to screw this up.”</p>
<p>He’s made the same promise at least <em>ten </em>times now and he’s pissed that Jude doesn’t believe him.</p>
<p>Besides, there’s <em>nothing </em>that Jelena can do to him.</p>
<p>Nothing at all.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Zero gets off to a decent start on the court, scoring in every game and building up a good rapport with the fans. Predictably, Derek and Terrence can't stand him, but it doesn't bother him.</p>
<p>If anything, it pushes him to do better.</p>
<p>On the relationship front, Jelena starts to pull away from him during the run up to the play-offs.</p>
<p>From what he knows it’s down to family issues….it’s just that Zero's selfish sometimes. She won't let him in and he's not going to beg her. He's not going to ignore his needs either - he invites some lady friends over and has himself a good time whenever she decides to discard him like he's used trash.</p>
<p>Naturally, Jude doesn't approve.</p>
<p>“What about your girlfriend in Ohio? We can fly her out here and create our own power couple.”</p>
<p>Although Alexis would <em>love</em> that - it just so happens that she's too much of a risk. Jelena is a seasoned member of the keeping up appearances club. She's a performer. Alexis is too much of a livewire to play this part.</p>
<p>Zero shakes his head. “It has to be Jelena. She's the captain of the Devil Girls. If I can work my way up to captain, we'd be the King and Queen of this team. Just imagine it. Billboards. TV spots. Magazines. Everything you can think of.”</p>
<p>“I'd rather not,” Jude mumbles quickly, his cheeks stained red with....well, Zero has no idea what. Or maybe he does, and he’s just buried it <em>deep</em> because Jude is the <em>only </em>person he has in his corner - he needs him. They can't afford to get bogged down by their emotions.</p>
<p>“Besides, all of these other girls won't be a problem if you let the Jelena thing go,” Jude adds. “Sowing your oats reads a lot better than cheating on your girlfriend.”</p>
<p>Jude's a chronic worrier and while people that like generally annoy Zero, he finds it endearing. He's not worried about his ten percent - he's just Team Zero through and through and that means a great deal.</p>
<p>Zero's never been close with his past agents, but there's something about Jude that he likes. Probably that he's not all shiny and polished the way people in this business tend to be. He's smart and emotionally aware in a way that gets Zero thinking from time to time.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, this is <em>not </em>one of those times - Jude pushing the Jelena issue is starting to get old.</p>
<p>“Have you ever considered that I actually like this girl?” Zero asks, laughable as it may seem.</p>
<p>Jude bites at his bottom lip and looks away. “So, you keep on saying...yet, the three nondisclosure agreements I filed this morning say otherwise, Zero. The streets are talking and Jelena's not an idiot. She will play you and finish the game before you even realize what she's doing.”</p>
<p>“You know what? I don't need to listen to this. You might have paved the way for me to come here, Jude, but I'm doing things <em>my </em>way. You can either get on board or jump off it. Choice is yours.”</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>It takes less than a week for Jude's words to come to fruition and the worst part is that Zero really doesn't see it coming. Terrence is one foul away from being done - <em>completely</em> done - and it's obvious that Zero's the better choice. Giving Jelena an ultimatum seems straightforward. After all, she's ambitious like Zero. Terrence is washed up and weathered by injury while Zero is in his prime.</p>
<p>It would be criminally stupid of her to choose Terrence over him.</p>
<p>Not that Jelena cares.</p>
<p>Two days after he tells her to make a choice, news breaks that Zero's been hiring escorts and 'cheating' on her. It doesn't matter that neither of them has come out and confirmed they're in a committed relationship - the opinion pieces pop up faster than the speed of light.</p>
<p>Initially, Zero is unperturbed - if anyone can weather a storm like this, it's Jelena. She’s going to have his back and understand that this was just a <em>huge </em>oversight on his part. A sloppy mistake caused by a rare moment of carelessness.</p>
<p>The stark reality sinks in when he's faced with the growing smirk on Jelena's face after he goes to her condo to <em>beg </em>for another chance. He's in the middle of admitting that he needs her to stand by him if they're going to get past this when the proverbial shoe drops</p>
<p>She did this, she set him up to take a major fall.</p>
<p>“You've been in town for five minutes,” Jelena says when Zero falls silent, unable to muster another word. “Did you really think I'd pick <em>you </em>over Terrence? I was using you and you were using me. Sorry, Zero. You lose.”</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Later that evening, when Zero is still licking his wounds and kicking himself over the steady loss of endorsements, it's Jude that comes to get him. The team is flying out for their next game and there’s been nothing from Coach Davenport, nothing from any of the players.</p>
<p>With Jelena being the darling of the entire franchise Zero’s probably persona non grata right now. Not that he cares - he’s got a lot more to lose than cordiality from players who never took to him to begin with.</p>
<p>“I’ve messed everything up, Jude. This is bad.“</p>
<p>Jude doesn’t miss a beat. “Bad isn’t a life sentence, Zero. What do I keep on telling you?“</p>
<p>“I don’t know,“ Zero laughs, grimacing when he hears how hysterical he sounds, “but you owe me several ‘I told you so’s.“</p>
<p>There’s a lull, but Jude won’t say those four words, Zero knows that in his heart. Jude would never do that to him because he's too <em>good</em>, too noble to him when he's down. He's everything that Zero isn't and he wonders why Jude continues to remain in his corner when he doesn't deserve it.</p>
<p>“Zero, we've worked too hard for you to throw it away. I'm sending a car and you're going to fly out with the rest of the team. That’s final.“</p>
<p>Zero's not expecting Jude to show up <em>with</em> the car.</p>
<p>“What are you doing here?”</p>
<p>“I'm making sure that you get on the plane,” Jude says. “Scandal or not, it's business as usual. We talked about this.”</p>
<p>Jude spends most of the ride trying to talk Zero out of his frenzy. He feels like he's on the verge of losing <em>everything </em>and he doesn't know what to do.</p>
<p>“She took <em>everything </em>from me.”</p>
<p>Jude leans in and places an arm on Zero's shoulder.</p>
<p>“No, she didn't. This will all blow over. We'll get the endorsements back. We'll find a way to spin this.”</p>
<p>“We?”</p>
<p>Jude smiles weakly. “You're not going to get rid of me that easily, stupid.”</p>
<p>Zero's never needed anybody, yet at this moment...he needs Jude. Needs to have somebody on his side for once, needs to feel like he’s not alone in the dark, on the outskirts begging for mercy.</p>
<p>“Thank you for not saying that you told me so.”</p>
<p>Jude gives him a lopsided grin. “You can't help who you fall for, right?“</p>
<p>“I think I had on rose tinted glasses, man.“ Zero rubs his hands on his jeans and clasps them together. “She's good. Better than me at this game.”</p>
<p>“I'm sure she is.”</p>
<p>Zero ignores the matter-of-factnote in Jude's voice, reaching out and placing a hand on his knee - a friendly gesture to show his gratitude. “Thanks for being here, Jude. It means...it means a lot.”</p>
<p>“No thanks necessary. We're in this together, right?”</p>
<p>Zero meets Jude's eyes and smiles with unbridled relief. “Yeah. We are.”</p>
<p>Jude's gaze is almost magnetic when he leans in and Zero feels soft lips on his own before processes what’s happening, responding momentarily before he turns his head and breaks the kiss.</p>
<p>Jude pulls away quickly, eyes wide with fear. “I'm sorry. Shit. I’m really sorry, Zero!”</p>
<p>He seems so shaken up that all Zero wants to do is reassure him, however, he holds back and says, “Jude, it's fine. I'm flattered, but…”</p>
<p>Jude swallows. “I know. I'm sorry, I just--”</p>
<p>Zero cuts him off to stave off yet another apology. “So, you're gay?”</p>
<p>Jude looks taken aback by the question, eventually nodding slowly before he says, “Yeah. Yeah...I am.”</p>
<p>“That's cool, man,“ Zero says, like he’s experienced with this kind of thing. “Look, I should go. We'll talk about this when I get back?”</p>
<p>Jude scratches at his chin and looks down at his feet.</p>
<p>“Sure.”</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Several weeks after the Jelena incident, Jude shows up at his house with a yellow legal pad and a six pack of pens.</p>
<p>Zero blinks at him. “Do you need help with a homework assignment?”</p>
<p>“Actually, this is about you,” Jude tells him with an irritated look. “I need to know <em>everything </em>about you. Not what's already out there, but anything that could come back to haunt you.”</p>
<p>“If there was anything out there, I think it'd be out by now, don't you? I'm an open book, Jude.”</p>
<p>“I know for a fact that the board over at Ohio made a lot of your shit disappear. I need to know about all of it.”</p>
<p>“Do we have to do this now?” Zero is still being raked over the coals online and ESPN has been <em>loving </em>the scandal if their coverage is any indication.</p>
<p>Jude glances at his watch. “<em>You </em>do. I've got a date tonight.”</p>
<p>Now <em>this </em>is an interesting development.</p>
<p>Jude's always so focused on work that Zero didn't know he was dating. He doesn't know much about Jude now that he thinks about it.</p>
<p>To make matters worse, Jude's going out with someone bothers him. Just a few weeks ago Jude <em>kissed </em>him and now someone else is in the picture?</p>
<p>“A date with who?”</p>
<p>Jude’s face flushes, scarlet patches staining his cheeks when he looks down almost like he’s <em>nervous</em>. Zero feels something flutter in his stomach - the same feeling he had in Ohio but <em>tenfold</em>. Although he's been ignoring it, it’s all he’s thought about since Jude stuck by him during the scandal.</p>
<p>Nobody has ever had Zero’s back the way Jude did.</p>
<p>“None of your business,” Jude says tersely. “Just write everything down and we'll discuss it tomorrow.”</p>
<p>For some reason that doesn’t sit well with Zero.</p>
<p>“If I'm going to do this, I need your help.”</p>
<p>Jude narrows his eyes. “You're constantly telling me to loosen up and get out more and now you want me to bail on my date for <em>you</em>?“</p>
<p>Zero shrugs. “We're a team, remember? I need you. Your date can wait.”</p>
<p>There’s a mental voice in Zero’s head saying ‘<em>dude, what are you doing?’ </em>that goes ignored. All he’s concerned with is getting Jude to stay.</p>
<p>“He can't,” Jude says. “I already told him I'd meet him at Ahsha's party. He won't know anyone else there.”</p>
<p>The same Ahsha Hayes who exposed Zero's use of escorts in the first place?</p>
<p>“Wow. Not only are you going on a date with whoever it is, you're going to Ahsha's party? Maybe we're not a team after all.</p>
<p>“Look, I can't let Danny down. He <em>really</em> wants to go out with me.“</p>
<p>The name sounds familiar but Zero can't place it.</p>
<p>“Danny?”</p>
<p>Jude squirms uncomfortably. “He was the photographer's assistant from the shoot the team did earlier today.”</p>
<p>“Wow. So, you're going to go on a date with a guy you barely know.”</p>
<p>“Why do you care?” Jude snaps. “You usually only care about yourself and what <em>you're </em>going through. There's no need for you to worry. I can handle myself.”</p>
<p>“I <em>don't</em> care,“ Zero snaps. “I just think it’s interesting that you’re happy to live it up with people who hate me.“</p>
<p>Jude’s shoulders tense into a rigid line and Zero knows that he’s struck a nerve. “Look, why don't you come to the party? Show everyone that you’re a decent person?“</p>
<p>“You want me to hang out with those losers while you cozy up to some photographer’s assistant? Seriously?“</p>
<p>It hits Zero then - he's <em>jealous</em>. This fire brewing in his gut is jealousy and he doesn't know what to do with it. It's not like he's in a position to date Jude. They're not about to kiss and dance under a giant rainbow flag.</p>
<p>This is the <em>real </em>world and what he wants doesn't matter.</p>
<p>“You know what, I'm good... you go and have fun with... Danny. I'm sorry for being a dick. I'm just wound up over all of this drama.”</p>
<p>Jude gives him a half-smile. “I know that you’re frustrated but we’re through the worst of it.”</p>
<p><em>I care about you,</em> Zero thinks in lieu of answering.</p>
<p>He's so screwed.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Los Angeles is a small town when you're avoiding someone.</p>
<p>Zero's been ignoring Jude's calls and dodging him around the arena, yet here he is. Standing in the doorway of Zero's hotel room. Jude pushes his way in and starts pacing quickly.</p>
<p>“What's happened? Do I need to help you bury a body?”</p>
<p>The question takes Zero by surprise and he laughs. “<em>Would</em> you help me?”</p>
<p>Jude doesn't miss a beat. “Of course, I would. Out of everyone in this town, I'm the only one who gives a damn. Zero, I don't need you to pull a disappearing act when you feel like it.”</p>
<p>“How did you know I was here?”</p>
<p>“I bribed the doorman,” Jude deadpans. “What are you doing here, Zero?”</p>
<p>“I just needed some space.”</p>
<p>“From who? You're at the arena most days and you don't have any friends. You don't have a support system, so what and who did you need space from?”</p>
<p>“I don't know.”</p>
<p>It’s obvious what the answer is but Zero can’t bring himself to tell the truth, not when it means blowing up the only <em>solid</em> thing in his life.</p>
<p>Jude shakes his head. “Is this because I went out with Danny? You were being so weird that night that I ended up leaving anyway. “</p>
<p>Zero's head shoots up and his heart begins to beat wildly in his chest. “You did?”</p>
<p>“We never spoke about what happened that night in the limo. You said that we would, but we didn't.”</p>
<p>Zero's brows skyrocket upward. “<em>You</em> kissed me.”</p>
<p>Jude's gaze doesn't falter. “You kissed me back.”</p>
<p>Zero swallows hard; he can't deny it because it was all a blur. It happened so quickly that all he remembers is pulling away.</p>
<p>“Jude, you're a really nice guy, but--”</p>
<p>“--but, what? You throw a huge fit when I finally start to move on and then you up and leave!”</p>
<p>“I don't know what you want from me, Jude.”</p>
<p>“Just be honest,” Jude says, voice suddenly low like the fight has left him.</p>
<p>“Like I said that night, I was flattered, but we can't be anything.”</p>
<p>“I'm not asking you for anything!” Jude says. “I know your track record, remember? I've seen how you treat people. How you treated Jelena. Kissing you was a mistake. Okay? Let's strike it off the record and go back to being Team Zero. Damn.”</p>
<p>“Fine. Jeez. That's cool with me.”</p>
<p>“Good.”</p>
<p>“<em>Good.</em>”</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>A month later, Zero's invited to be a guest speaker at a charity function. It marks his first major appearance since the scandal broke and Jude tells him that he’s got to address everything that happened.</p>
<p>
  <em>This is your redemption, Zero. Don't mess up. </em>
</p>
<p>If Zero's being honest, the thought of pouring his heart out to a room of strangers <em>sickens </em>him. He looks around the restaurant and wonders what everyone thinks about him now. Is he still disgraceful and according to one Times columnist 'perverted' or a regular person who's allowed to screw up?</p>
<p>Jude, as always, is on hand to talk him off the ledge.</p>
<p>“I'll write something for you and all you have to do is stick to the script, okay?”</p>
<p>“How did you even pull this off?” Zero asks. “There's no way they'd ask me before Terrence or Derek.”</p>
<p>Jude rubs his temples, like the memory alone is painful. “You don't want to know.”</p>
<p>Things have been awkward since they discussed the kiss. Neither of them has brought it up again and there's always a minimum of three feet between them, like they're afraid of being within touching distance.</p>
<p>Sparks crackle when they slip up and brush past each other - and it all goes unmentioned and unacknowledged, like they're both terrified of what it would mean.</p>
<p>Besides the awkwardness, Jude's been preoccupied with his own things. Zero hasn't asked because they're not friends. It's not his place. Still, he can't pretend that he feels <em>nothing</em>.</p>
<p>He still cares.</p>
<p>“What's up with you?” he asks one afternoon. “You've been off lately.”</p>
<p>Jude shifts uncomfortably, glancing at his watch before he answers. “I'm good, Zero. I've managed to get you another endorsement. I'll email the details later tonight and--”</p>
<p>“Jude, I don't mean <em>business</em> wise, I mean that you've been off lately. What's going on?”</p>
<p>This time, Jude's answer is blunt and to the point. “I can't tell you.”</p>
<p>“Why not?”</p>
<p>“... I just can't, okay? If we're keeping this strictly business, that's all it needs to be.”</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Zero's re-emergence into the spotlight goes well. The speech that Jude writes is <em>amazing, </em>and the crowd receives it well.</p>
<p>
  <em>At the end of the day, we're only human. We all make mistakes. We all do things that don't make sense. We think we deserve less. We ignore deeper feelings and focus on the surface. I'm not necessarily a changed man….but I'm learning. I'm growing. And I can only continue to thank everyone who stood by me. </em>
</p>
<p>The last line of the speech resonates with Zero the most - there's only one person who truly stood by him and when he looks around for Jude after he's done on stage, he's not there.</p>
<p>Zero's disappointment rips through his chest like a knife and, not for the first time, he wonders if he's lost his mind. Why does he care so much? He should be focused on improving his image and kissing up to the media and yet, he's pining over Jude like a teenage girl in high school.</p>
<p>The reality of it dances in his conscience, whispering shadowed truths and feelings and eventually, the chatter grows too loud to ignore. Once the event begins winding down, Zero says his goodbyes and drives over to Jude's apartment.</p>
<p>Jude answers after three knocks, looking adorably rumpled in his blue and white striped - <em>striped</em>! - pajamas.</p>
<p>“Zero, what are you doing here?” Jude says around a yawn. “It's late.”</p>
<p>“You left early and didn't answer my calls. Just came to check on you.”</p>
<p>“I had a headache.”</p>
<p>“Oh,” Zero says, although he knows a lie when he hears one. “You need me to get you something? Soup? Tylenol?”</p>
<p>Jude looks perplexed. “Soup for a headache? You'd make a terrible doctor.”</p>
<p>“When I was in college, my roommate literally made me soup whenever I'd get a migraine. Not sure what he put in there, but it helped every time.”</p>
<p>Jude snorts gently. “I'm surprised you let him get close enough to you for that.”</p>
<p>“Tyler was the kind of guy that gave me no choice. There was no getting away from that guy.”</p>
<p><em>Kind of like you<strong>, </strong></em>Zero thinks, because he's leaving out the part where Tyler ended up being the first guy he ever hooked up with.</p>
<p>“Anyway,” Zero continues. “Tonight was amazing until I came to find you and I realized you weren't there.”</p>
<p>Jude's smile doesn't reach his eyes. “It was <em>your </em>night, Zero, and I'm glad it went well. We can discuss your next move in the morning.”</p>
<p>Zero's a lot of things, but he's no Tyler. He's not going to beg Jude for his attention.</p>
<p>He leaves without fanfare.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Jude drops out of Zero's life over the following weeks and judging by his Instagram feed, he's been replaced with Lionel Davenport. Zero can't blame Jude, but he finds that he <em>misses </em>him. He chooses not to surround himself with a group of yes men like half of his teammates making for a lonely existence without Jude to bounce ideas off.</p>
<p>On the bright side, the other players warm to Zero when he continues to shine on court, and he decides to focus on their initial plan. Terrence is badly injured, and Derek is too coked up to be taken seriously. All Zero needs to do is keep his head down and play his best.</p>
<p>“Why the long face?” Jelena asks one morning when he arrives at the arena for practice. “You seem to have gotten through your scandal unscathed.”</p>
<p>“That's true. Now all I need to focus on is getting you back.”</p>
<p>Jelena's glares at him. “How are you going to do that?”</p>
<p>“By being the best damn player this team has ever seen.”</p>
<p>Zero turns on his heel and leaves her behind him, only stopping when he walks smack bang into Jude.</p>
<p>Jude clears his throat and stares at him for a touch too long. “Uh, so, I know I've been distant lately, but--”</p>
<p>“I get it Jude.”</p>
<p>Zero moves past him and carries on walking.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Terrence goes down injured in the last game of the conference and it's <em>bad. </em>Zero's been taunting him all season, yet even he feels sorry for him. He can barely get the image of bone sticking out of flesh from his mind before the game restarts. Everything that comes after is a blur; all he remembers is receiving the ball and throwing it to Derek and suddenly, everyone is cheering because they’ve done it - they’ve reached the playoffs!</p>
<p>The mood shifts dramatically after the team trudges off court and receives an update from Coach Davenport in the dressing room. Usually they’d be amped up and reveling in the smell of their own sweat, pumped and ready to let everyone know. Instead, the atmosphere is subdued and dark with Terrence’s absence looming over them like a storm cloud on the horizon.</p>
<p>“He's out for the rest of the season,” Pete informs them. “It's bad. That means that I need some of you to put aside your differences and show everyone what we're made of…for Terrence.”</p>
<p>By the time Zero makes it out to the parking lot, it's late and the arena is virtually empty. He hung back to shoot some hoops and clear his head. He's been so focused on his plan that he feels restless. With Terrence out of the way, it's finally his time to shine. He should be happy, but...</p>
<p>Nobody was supposed to get hurt.</p>
<p>“I saw you practicing.” Zero's momentarily startled before he sees Jude leaning on his Aston Martin, hands tucked into his pants pocket.</p>
<p>Zero unlocks his trunk and dumps his backpack in it, barely looking up when he says, “Jude, no offense, but I'm not in the mood.”</p>
<p>Jude bites his lip nervously and something stirs inside Zero. “I just came to check on you,” he says. “See how you're doing.”</p>
<p>“Why do you care?” Zero slams his trunk shut and walks around to face Jude. “We're not friends.”</p>
<p>Jude’s seems hurt by that. “We're a team remember?”</p>
<p>“Hasn't felt like that lately.”</p>
<p>“Things have been messed up lately. I'm dealing with Lionel, Oscar and whatever else lands on my plate. I didn't want to dump that on you. Not when you have your own job to do.”</p>
<p>That makes sense, although, maybe Zero would have liked the choice to be involved.</p>
<p>He decides to take a leap, see if Jude will jump with him.</p>
<p>“Do you want to grab dinner at my place? The rest of the team is going to visit Terrence. I'm probably the last person he wants to see.”</p>
<p>Jude cocks his head to the side. “You think? You leaked his injury to the press.”</p>
<p>Zero grimaces. “I didn't think that <em>this </em>would happen.”</p>
<p>“I know,” Jude says. “I have to pass on dinner, though. Lionel has another event and I'm her plus once <em>again.</em>”</p>
<p>Zero wonders why he even bothered to ask.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Zero's eating a salad and scrolling through Lionel's Instagram feed, spotting a familiar face in the grid of images.</p>
<p>It's a picture of Jude captioned 'best plus one ever xo'.</p>
<p>Zero finger traces the shape of Jude's jaw tentatively, wondering what it would feel like for real.</p>
<p>It takes a few seconds for him to realize what he's doing, and he tosses his phone onto the couch, grimacing when it bounces off the leather and hits the ground.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Claimed</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Chapter 4: Claimed</strong>
</p>
<p>
  
</p><hr/>
<p>It’s been a whirlwind couple of months for Jude Kinkade.</p>
<p>First, he managed to pull off the impossible and convince Zero to come to L.A. - and then he watched while it almost crumpled like a house of cards, each one fluttering in the wind.</p>
<p>That was only the least of his problems.</p>
<p>Apparently, Oscar’s corrupt and it’s Jude’s job to keep his reputation intact. Not that Oscar asked him to, the same way he didn’t ask Jude to ensure that they have the publicity generated by Hollywood hotshot, Lionel Davenport.</p>
<p>Although her star might be waning, the team can’t afford to get any more <em>bad </em>press and Jude’s not about to stop helping Oscar anytime soon. Not when he’s so close to having what he’s always wanted - his father’s <em>respect</em>.</p>
<p>Lionel Davenport is nothing like Jude expected her to be when he hastily arranged for her to attend the team’s home games. She’s warm, funny and kind - completely unlike the demanding primadonna he automatically assumed she was.</p>
<p>If Jude’s expecting Oscar to welcome him with open arms after all the hard work he’s done, he’s sorely mistaken. Oscar barely acknowledges him.</p>
<p>That, on top of the growing awkwardness with Zero, leaves Jude down in the dumps.</p>
<p>Kissing Zero was...<em>everything </em>and nothing at the same time, an action fueled by pure adrenaline and a mistake he didn’t want to take back. It opened Pandora’s Box and Jude wishes they could close it already.</p>
<p>Luckily, Lionel is always on hand to listen to him whine about Zero and his love life (or lack thereof).</p>
<p>“Did you see him?” Lionel brings a fruit and cheese plate from her state-of-the-art kitchen and sets it on the coffee table.</p>
<p>Jude plucks a grape and pops it into his mouth. “Who, Oscar?”</p>
<p>Lionel wrinkles her nose, like the mere thought of his father disgusts her. “No, silly. <em>Zero.</em>”</p>
<p>“Oh. Yeah. He was by himself after the game. He invited me over for dinner, but I had to attend the gala with you, remember?”</p>
<p>Lionel pauses mid-bite. “Jude. I've listened to you pine over this man for weeks and you're turning down dinner invites?”</p>
<p>“It's complicated, Lionel,” Jude replies. “Besides, he's a player for one of the world's top basketball teams. He's never going to be the face of Gay Pride. How would a relationship work?”</p>
<p>“You're asking the wrong question, Jude,” Lionel tells him. “You’re getting ahead of yourself and most importantly, you're wasting time.”</p>
<p>“I'm his agent, Lionel, the only person that he has really. I don’t think we should mix business with pleasure.”</p>
<p>Lionel scrunches her face and says, “There are other agents, Jude. He'll live.”</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>The way Lionel laid it out so bluntly prompts Jude to text Zero the next day to ask if he’s still interested in dinner. There's no response so he pushes it to the back of his mind and occupies himself with work.</p>
<p>Later, Jude returns home to find Zero<em> in </em>his apartment and the scent of something mouth-watering in the air.</p>
<p>“What's going on?” Jude asks, mildly irritated that Zero didn’t reply to his text.</p>
<p>Zero gestures at Jude’s stove which is covered by pots and pans - a far cry from its usual state of abject emptiness. “I made us dinner. I figured that you could do with a home cooked meal for once.”</p>
<p>“That’s…kind of you.”</p>
<p>Jude knows that there’s a <em>lot </em>he could say. However, it’s been a long day and he’s <em>exhausted</em>. He gives in easily and grabs a quick shower before he changes into more casual clothes.</p>
<p>They talk amicably while they eat and eventually Jude needs to get at least one question out.</p>
<p>“What is this?” Jude asks. “What are we doing? “</p>
<p>Zero's neck muscles tense and he's suddenly extremely interested in severing what's left of his chicken breast. “We’re having dinner.”</p>
<p>Jude shoots him an accusatory glance. “Who was the last person you made dinner for?”</p>
<p>“My college roommate,” Zero says slowly, like he’s not sure how it’s relevant.</p>
<p>“Tyler, right?”</p>
<p>Zero finally looks up at him with an odd expression on his face. “You remembered?”</p>
<p>“Guess so.”</p>
<p>There’s a wistful look on Zero’s face, like he’s momentarily trapped in a happy memory. “Tyler was a cool dude. Often wondered what happened to him.”</p>
<p>“What about your girlfriend - the one in Ohio. You didn't cook for her? What happened to her anyway?”</p>
<p>Jude isn’t sure why he’s bringing her up - it’s not like <em>he </em>cared about what happened to her before Zero came to L.A. It seems almost self-serving to ask about her now, yet here he is, wildly curious about how Zero treats the people he supposedly cares about. He witnessed the mess with Jelena, knows that it was all fancy restaurants and invite-only parties - certainly nothing as <em>intimate </em>as a home cooked meal.</p>
<p>“She wasn't my girlfriend” Zero retorts hastily. “Just someone I had a good time with. I left her behind when I moved here. You already know that.”</p>
<p>“Left her behind,” Jude says. “How did she take that?”</p>
<p>Two lines appear between Zero’s brows, like he’s perplexed by the question. “I don't know. It's not like I consulted her. You put the offer to me. I accepted and that was that. I haven't spoken to her since.”</p>
<p>Suddenly, it's like ice cold water has been poured over Jude's head. He distinctly remembers Zero boasting about how he didn't do relationships, the same way he remembers him almost crying over Jelena's betrayal.</p>
<p>He shouldn’t have listened to Lionel, not when he knows that Zero is a confused individual.</p>
<p>“Why did you make me dinner?” Jude asks, deciding to focus on the matter at hand.</p>
<p>Zero looks away. “I like you, okay? Like, more than my friend or whatever. I'm kind of freaking out about it too. I just wanted to do something nice.”</p>
<p>Jude pinches his lips and tries to shake off his irritation. “Somehow I doubt that. I think you should leave. This is ridiculous.”</p>
<p>“What did I do?” Zero appears to be confused which is unsurprising. Jude knew he was selfish when he signed for the team and clearly that hasn’t changed.</p>
<p>“Zero, you ditched that poor girl in Ohio. You cheated on Jelena all while claiming you had feelings for her. Now you <em>like</em> me. What am I supposed to do with that?”</p>
<p>Zero takes a breath and exhales loudly. “I’m not proud of that. Any of it, but I do like you, Jude. That doesn't mean we need to change the way we are now. It just feels good to admit it. I like you.”</p>
<p>His words only serve to make Jude angrier and he’s had enough.</p>
<p>“That's nice,” he says. “You can like me from the comfort of your own home.”</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Jude decides to leave the awkwardness with Zero behind and finally agrees to go out with Lucas, another agent at the agency. Lucas is a bit of a slimy asshole, but he's constantly asking Jude out and he’s <em>hot</em> - in a moment of desperation, he decides to throw caution to the wind.</p>
<p>He's in the middle of picking an outfit for said date when his apartment door opens and slams shut. There’s only one person it could be because Jude’s only had one house guest since he moved in.</p>
<p>Zero’s impromptu visits have gone from being an inconvenience, to the highlight of his day and right back to a nuisance since the disastrous dinner.</p>
<p>Jude swears under his breath because while it's none of Zero's business where he's going, there's no way he's going to be able to lie about it. He takes his time, settling on a pale blue shirt and a dark blazer to go with his stone wash jeans and brown boots.</p>
<p>Zero whistles when he sees him. “Looks like someone's got a big night planned.”</p>
<p>“What are you doing here, Zero? I recall asking you to leave the last time. I don't remember inviting you back.”</p>
<p>Zero’s smile melts away and morphs into a serious expression. Just like that the energy between them <em>crackles</em> and the fight leaves Jude like air being squeezed out of a bag. Slow and steady, leaving him <em>tired</em> suddenly.</p>
<p>He swallows hard and waits for Zero’s response, counting down each nanosecond like his life depends on it.</p>
<p>“I came to tell you that I can't walk away from this.” Zero says. “From you. Since you came to me in Ohio, there's been a part of you that's never left my mind. It's crazy because I'm me and you're you and... this could damage everything I've worked hard for, but I don't care. Fuck it. I don’t care.”</p>
<p>Jude thinks about Lucas and the way he's always leering and making suggestive comments. The way he makes him feel small and uncomfortable, like he doesn’t belong.</p>
<p>He thinks about Zero and how he's never made him feel inadequate in any way.</p>
<p>In the end, the choice is simple.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Nothing changes at first.</p>
<p>They don't kiss each other, don't touch each other and Jude wonders if this is normal. To want something so intensely that nothing happens, instead they just dart around each other nervously and act like they didn’t agree that there’s something here.</p>
<p>Something between them.</p>
<p>He's not sure if he should lead or wait and it's making him crazy.</p>
<p>One day he decides to take matters into his own hands and shows up at Zero's house when he's done with work. To his surprise, there's a cute brunette in the foyer when Zero invites him in. She leaves almost immediately, kissing Zero goodbye and offering Jude a small wave before she makes her way down the driveway.</p>
<p>There's an intense flash of jealousy in Jude's stomach and he struggles to control it.</p>
<p>“Are you doing something that I need to be worried about?”</p>
<p>It's not like Zero's the kind of guy who won't go out and find his own fun if he needs to. Jelena was distracted for all of five minutes before he turned to escorts. What makes Jude any different?</p>
<p>“That’s Willa. My stylist. We were discussing my outfit for whatever lame event I have to be at next.”</p>
<p>Jude nods slowly, biting his bottom lip briefly before he says, “I see.”</p>
<p>There’s a flash of anger on Zero’s face. “You see what, Jude? Have you seen me with another girl since Jelena?”</p>
<p>Jude sighs. “No... I haven't, but...a girl would be easier than us. I have to remember that.”</p>
<p>Zero leans past Jude and closes the front door properly, leaving his hand behind Jude's head. “How many times, stupid? I don't want a girl. I don't want it to be easy<em>. </em>I want you.”</p>
<p>Without giving Jude a chance to respond, Zero closes the distance between them and kisses him slowly, smiling into it when Jude responds.</p>
<p>“Why did we wait so long to do that?” Zero grins after he pulls away, each word making his lips curve so sweetly.</p>
<p>Jude answers him with another kiss and they stand there for ten minutes, getting lost in each other in the purest way.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Jude's never slept with a guy before.</p>
<p>He dated a girl once and that was enough to know that he wasn't going to do it again. Still, with Zero's track record being what it is, he's nervous and fear holds him back. Every time things get hot and heavy, he finds an excuse to pull away. Zero is ever the gentleman, always matches Jude’s pace and stopping when everything becomes too much.</p>
<p>It’s enough to know that he can go at his own pace and that’s what he does.</p>
<p>Until he has a terrible day at the office thanks to Lucas who's had a chip on his shoulder since Jude cancelled their date. He's been riding Jude hard since, making him do a million coffee runs, taking over his meetings and today he proposed replacing Jude as Zero's agent.</p>
<p>When he arrives at Zero’s house all Jude wants to do is to forget everything. He slips in through the back entrance just in case anyone's watching and makes his way upstairs when he sees that the downstairs lights are off.</p>
<p>“Zero?” Jude calls out upon reaching the top of the landing. “You here?”</p>
<p>“In here!”</p>
<p>Jude heads over to the master bedroom and finds Zero getting undressed. Zero turns and his entire face lights up when he sees him.</p>
<p>“Hey, man, you good?”</p>
<p>“Not really,” Jude answers honestly. “Work was shit.”</p>
<p>Zero pulls off his shirt and tosses it onto the bed. “Wanna talk about it?”</p>
<p>Jude slips off his jacket and hangs it up next to Zero’s. “Not really.”</p>
<p>“I was just about to grab a shower. I'll be done in a few minutes.”</p>
<p>“Need company?”</p>
<p>Zero's face turns a shade of red that Jude's never seen before. “Are you propositioning me, Kinkade?”</p>
<p>“I think I am.”</p>
<p>“Well then. I'm going to head in. You're more than welcome to join me.”</p>
<p>Zero makes a point of pulling his jeans and boxers off before he goes, leaving them in a messy heap on the floor.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>“We didn't use protection.”</p>
<p>After what happened in the shower and what happened <em>after </em>that shouldn't be the first thought on Jude's mind.</p>
<p>Yet it is.</p>
<p>There's a pleasant ache in his ass and <em>now </em>he's concerned about safe sex. He worries about himself sometimes.</p>
<p>Zero's slow to respond, but Jude can feel his muscles stiffen from where they're pressed together.</p>
<p>“I'm clean. Medical team made me get tested after the situation with those girls.”</p>
<p>Jude shifts out from Zero's embrace and turns to look at him. “You never told me.”</p>
<p>Zero snorts. “I wasn't exactly happy about it. It was humiliating. Although, I think I deserved what happened to me. I've treated so many people like shit and I finally met my match with Jelena.”</p>
<p>Jude leans in and nuzzles Zero's face, not wanting to think about Jelena while they’re in bed together. “It’s in the past now, right?”</p>
<p>“Right.”</p>
<p>There’s a comfortable silence before Zero shifts and pulls Jude closer. “What about you, Jude? I feel like we're always talking about me. Tell me something about you.”</p>
<p>It feels like they have it backwards - not that there's ever been anything conventional about them.</p>
<p>“You know my story. Parents divorced when I was young. I grew up wanting nothing but my father's attention and... I still don't have it.”</p>
<p>“Maybe that's a sign that you don't need it. You got this far without him, right?”</p>
<p>Jude shifts so that he's lying on his back and looking up at the ceiling. “I’ve done a lot of fucked up shit <em>for </em>him. Things that I'm not proud of.”</p>
<p>“How about we make a pact? I promise to treat people better, you promise to stop doing fucked up shit for Oscar and we <em>both </em>make good use of my new hot tub.”</p>
<p>Jude grins. “I can get onboard with that.”</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Sneaking around with Zero comes with its fair share of excitement and if Jude pretends hard enough, he's okay with it.</p>
<p>He's fine with them meeting up either at his apartment or Zero's house and never anywhere else.</p>
<p>He's okay with the models they hire to be Zero's date at public events.</p>
<p>He's okay with the fact that he's in love for the first time in his life and he’s got to hide it.</p>
<p>He's just not... <em>happy</em>.</p>
<p>Things take a drastic turn one evening when he realizes that Sloane Hayes, the Devil Girls Director, has incriminating evidence that proves Oscar laundered money through the team.</p>
<p>Torn between a lifetime of disappointment and his unwavering loyalty, he calls Zero for advice, but there's no answer. He's left with no choice - he must warn Oscar.</p>
<p>When he reaches Oscar's house office, Jude's nervous. He's never felt welcome at the house, never spent so much as a night here. It's hard to feel like he's at his <em>father's </em>house.</p>
<p>“Jude, what can I do for you?” Oscar seems to be in a decent mood and Jude's anxiety lessens. He simply needs to explain what happened and Oscar will know what to do.</p>
<p>“I have something to tell you and it's pretty big,” he begins, pausing when Oscar’s face tightens with disgust.</p>
<p>“Let me stop you right there, Jude. You may be my son, but I'm not interested in your personal life.”</p>
<p>“What?” Jude's not surprised by what Oscar is saying. He's just confused about where it's coming from.</p>
<p>“You've been doing well for me since you got into the business and I did what I do with everyone I work with. I looked you up. Apparently, you have sex with men in your spare time.”</p>
<p>“Dad, I….”</p>
<p>Oscar clicks his tongue. “I’m not your father, boy. Especially now that I know that you... Anyway, if that's what you came to tell me, I'm not interested. As far as I'm concerned. I have no son.”</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Zero listens patiently when Jude recounts the exchange later. Up until now, Jude’s held back from discussing Oscar beyond the main facts - he treats Jude like an employee and not his flesh and blood.</p>
<p>“He told me that he had no son. Can you believe that? “</p>
<p>“Actually, I can,” Zero says. “I don’t know why you’ve been trying so hard to please him, Jude. If he can’t see how brilliant you are...that’s his loss. Fuck him.”</p>
<p>“That’s easy for you to say,” Jude snaps, dropping down onto his couch heavily. “When have you ever cared about what people think about you? “</p>
<p>Jude is speaking out of anger and behind the red mist it does occur to him that Zero’s story is still a mystery.</p>
<p>“Have you ever wondered why my name is Zero? “</p>
<p>It’s a good question, one that Jude’s never considered. It’s always just been what it is - a name, brand and calling card. Now that he thinks about it, Zero is a loaded name.</p>
<p>“I’m guessing it’s not a heartwarming childhood nickname. “</p>
<p>Zero’s laugh is harsh and bitter. “I grew up in foster care, Jude. There’s nothing heartwarming about that. My foster parents were assholes. They called me Zero because they didn’t think I’d amount to anything. Once I grew up and realized that there was more to life, I channeled all my energy into proving that I was anything <em>but </em>Zero. So, you’re right. I don’t care what people think. Neither should you.”</p>
<p>Jude rolls his shoulders back to ease the thick tension in his muscles. “Oscar’s not <em>just </em>people. He’s...supposed to be my father, Zero.”</p>
<p>“...supposed to be. That doesn’t mean that he is. All he does is hurt you, Jude. You can either stand up and be counted or allow him to define who you are. Do you want my advice? You have to grow up and stop begging for Daddy’s approval.”</p>
<p>Jude swallows down the bile rising in his throat. “You’re right. Damn, I should even be figuring out what to do abo-- “</p>
<p>He cuts himself off, suddenly remembering that he hasn’t told Zero about the brewing storm with Derek Roman.</p>
<p>“You should really lock your drawers,” Zero says while holding up the red envelope containing the note Olivia Vincent sent him before her untimely death.</p>
<p>One thing the media under reported was the fact that Oscar <em>fired </em>her days before her death. Apparently, three days was enough time for Olivia to begin blackmailing half of the squad and before two nights ago, Derek Roman was Jude’s alibi for the night of her murder.</p>
<p>“How did you find that? “</p>
<p>“I heard you and Derek talking a couple of days ago. Something about alibis.”</p>
<p>Jude sinks back into the plush fabric. “Doesn’t matter now. He’s pissed because I told you about him and Terrence being on the outs.”</p>
<p>Zero’s response is swift and automatic, his eyes hard with fierce determination. “Fuck him. If anyone asks - you were with me.”</p>
<p>Something akin to hope blooms in Jude’s chest, along with another emotion he’s too afraid to name.</p>
<p>“I can’t ask you to do that.”</p>
<p>“You don’t need to, Jude. We’re a team. I’ve got your back…always.”</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>With Oscar out of his life and an increasing sense of loneliness, Jude endures an awkward conversation with Zero about their relationship status and discovers that they’re not on the same page. Jude knows that it’s not easy for Zero to hold his hand in public or press a chaste kiss on his lips in the arena.</p>
<p>It’s not easy for Zero <em>at all</em>.</p>
<p>Even so, the crushing sense of not being good enough threatens to overwhelm him and he finds himself being <em>that </em>guy.</p>
<p>The one that makes ultimatums the other person can’t choose without compromising who they are.</p>
<p>Zero refuses to give in and Jude walks away.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Four months after the Los Angeles Devils clinch the championship, Zero calls and asks Jude to meet him at the arena. Besides <em>one </em>slip up and a handful of text messages, they haven’t spoken since Jude left Zero on the night of the last championship game with a broken heart and his real name - Gideon - in tow.</p>
<p>Now, Jude’s standing in front of a half-naked Zero watching him pose with two similarly (un)dressed models.</p>
<p>It’s already been a whirlwind day and unbeknown to Zero, Jude’s about to become the new Executive Vice President of Business Operations. He’s vastly underqualified but Lionel offered and he couldn’t say no to what’s <em>always</em> been his dream job. The fact that she’s only able to offer it to him because she conned Oscar into marrying her <em>without </em>a prenup is neither here nor there.</p>
<p>“Zero, why am I here? “</p>
<p>Zero calls for a break and beckons Jude to a quiet spot in the corner. “I want you to be my agent again. I don’t see why you had to quit.”</p>
<p>“It was time for a career change,” Jude says in lieu of pointing out the obvious - that he couldn’t trust himself to keep their working relationship platonic.</p>
<p>Drama with Zero aside, he quit the agency firm to handle Lionel’s public affairs - only for her to up and marry <em>Oscar</em>, send him to jail <em>and </em>decide that she wants to run the team.</p>
<p>Jude is starting to wonder if he’s the only sane person in this town. Between Zero’s ego, Oscar’s narcissism and Lionel’s thirst for fame, he wonders if he should pack up and move to Laguna Beach.</p>
<p>“You left me with that asshole, Lucas,” Zero seethes. “He’s the worst.”</p>
<p>Jude keeps his face stoic, not sure if Zero knows that he’s had further dealings with Lucas. It’s not like they’re in a relationship, he just happens to be sweet talking Lucas into convincing Derek Roman to sign a new contract.</p>
<p>If said conversation includes them sort of <em>dating</em> then...it’s just an occupational hazard.</p>
<p>“Lucas seems to think that everything is going smoothly,” Jude says because he’s only <em>human</em>. He’s maintained an interest in Zero’s career and he knows that he’s being well taken care of - and maybe he wants to make Zero jealous.</p>
<p>"Oh, right, I forgot that you and he are.... close.” Zero lips curl in disdain, his envy bare and open for Jude to see.</p>
<p>“He’s not a bad guy. I misjudged him before.”</p>
<p>Zero’s chuckle is dark and bitter. “Right. He’s definitely boyfriend material.”</p>
<p>“You would know, wouldn’t you? “ Jude retorts.</p>
<p>Unsurprisingly, Zero has no comeback.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Over the next few weeks, it seems like Zero is everywhere. Plastered on billboards, walking around the arena like he owns the place, popping bottles at the Playground, plastered in magazines and TV spots and finally…</p>
<p>...standing by Jude’s car on what’s been an extremely stressful day.</p>
<p>“Zero, I’m not in the mood for whatever you have to say,” Jude calls out as he unlocks his car. “Call me tomorrow.”</p>
<p>Zero follows him to the driver’s side and says: “Jude, this isn’t <em>us</em>. The griping, the not talking...the animosity. I... miss you and I know that it seems like I never wanted us to be legit, but I did. I <em>do</em>.”</p>
<p>Jude wipes a hand across his face. “What’s changed since the last time, Zero? Tell me that. What’s changed?”</p>
<p>There’s a long silence, punctuated by sirens and faint screams in the distance.</p>
<p>“You still can’t admit that we had something real, can you? It’s jus-- “</p>
<p>“I love you, stupid,” Zero cuts in before Jude can finish.” I love you and...I didn’t know how to say it before.”</p>
<p>The swoosh of <em>joy </em>is automatic, so firm that Jude wouldn’t be able to contain it if he tried.</p>
<p>“I love you too, Gideon - always have.” Jude’s smile fades when he considers what he’s about to add, “But I’m with Lucas now. You’re too late.”</p>
<p>With that said, Jude gets into his car and drives off, staring hard through the windshield to ensure that tears don’t make it past his eyes.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Things with Lucas implode shortly after Derek signs a new contract. They’re at Jude’s place getting ready for the game when he overhears Lucas on the phone. Jude’s supposed to be on cloud nine because they literally just took their relationship to the next level, yet...something makes him linger and listen to the call.</p>
<p>“Dude, I’ll meet you at the game. Jude? Yeah, man, like I told you - great body, <em>great </em>sex. It’s just too bad his entire life revolves around his daddy issues. Like, you’re rich, man. Quit being a baby and live it up.”</p>
<p>There’s a brief pause, followed by soft laughter.</p>
<p>“...no, I’ll probably let him down gently tomorrow.”</p>
<p>Jude’s heard enough at this point and he steps forward, clearing his throat to get Lucas’ attention. “Get out of my apartment.”</p>
<p>Lucas’s eyes widen with surprise and he cuts his phone off. “Jude, I…”</p>
<p>“Get. Out.”</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Two weeks later, Jude finds himself sitting court side <em>alone </em>wishing that he had someone beside him,</p>
<p>Someone who cared about him, flaws and all.</p>
<p>When the ref blows the last whistle of the game, Jude stands and joins the thrum of people milling onto the court. He’s not built up a close rapport with the players yet, so he moves aimlessly, gritting his teeth because he’s representing Lionel. This is her domain - lights, camera, action. All Jude wants is to go home and lose himself in a bottle of cheap bourbon.</p>
<p>Instead, he comes face to face with Zero.</p>
<p>“Lucas told me what happened. Said you broke up with him.”</p>
<p>Jude snorts, biting back the response he really wants to make. He wonders if there’s a tiny part of Zero dying to say, <em>‘told you so’</em>.</p>
<p>“I bet you were happy to hear that.”</p>
<p>Zero’s lips upturn slightly, his smile smug when he says, “Actually, I was. Means that I can do this.”</p>
<p>Without any further ado, Zero steps forward and pulls Jude into a kiss - right in front of twenty-five thousand people and millions more watching at home.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. I Know You Still Think About Me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Chapter 5: I Know You Still Think About Me</strong>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<hr/>
<p>“Okay, ladies, we're going to take it from the top. Alexis, keep up with us this time. Five, four, three, two, one…”</p>
<p>Alexis Matthews is a lot of things - one thing she's not is a <em>rookie </em>at her craft. For the past four years she’s been a dancer for the Ohio basketball team, waving shiny pom poms like her life depends on it. There’s no question about her ability to keep up - this is what she does and who she is.</p>
<p>She's going to give the choreographer a piece of her mind later.</p>
<p>For now, she focuses on making every step count and puts her all into the split-second solo she has. She twists her body into a pirouette, spinning out to join the rest of the dancers before they continue the routine.</p>
<p>By the time practice is over she's exhausted and not looking forward to going home. Dancing for a professional basketball team looks glamorous from the outside, but they're paid peanuts and she's not been able to secure any sponsorship deals. That means she's a twenty-six-year-old stuck living in her parents' house.</p>
<p>Alexis's twin sister, Anna, on the other hand is completing her studies at a prestigious college while living in a spacious studio apartment.</p>
<p>Alexis wishes her twin was her best friend, but the truth is that she's a failure compared to Anna. Growing up, Anna was always top of their class. She was valedictorian, prom queen <em>twice </em>and once they started taking dance lessons at age five, she was a natural at that too.</p>
<p>It just so happened that Anna didn’t care about dancing the way Alexis did.</p>
<p>By the time Alexis successfully tried out for the Ohio Thunder team, a lifetime of low self-esteem and confidence had taken its toll. Particularly because her parents never let her forget that compared to her, Anna was perfect in every single way.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Later that evening, Alexis finds herself at the weekly family dinner - an excruciating affair that always lasts a tad too long. Her parents make snarky comments about her, shower Anna with praise and she’s left with a bitter taste in her mouth.</p>
<p>“Alexis darling how was rehearsal?” her mother asks before Alexis can even take a sip of water. “Do you think they’ll give you more solos?”</p>
<p>The question stings deeper than usual due to the news she got after practice. Apparently, the dance squad could use some ‘new blood’ and her talents may be best served elsewhere.</p>
<p>More like the choreographer, Joanne, is a grade A bitch who can’t handle it when any of the dancers stand up to her. Part of the reason she lasted so long is because her father works with the team, but it’s never been much of an advantage anyway.</p>
<p>In short, her life is currently at rock bottom and a family dinner isn’t going to help matters.</p>
<p>Before Alexis can answer, her father spears his steak with more gusto than usual and chuckles. “I read about Zero in the paper today. Heard he got caught with his pants down. <em>Again</em>. It’s a shame that nobody caught him before he screwed us over. “</p>
<p>The mention of Zero’s name leads to the last of Alexis’s appetite drowning away.</p>
<p>Her brief dalliance with Zero has gone from being a whirlwind fairy tale to a waking nightmare and it's only been a few months since he left - without so much as a goodbye.</p>
<p>The only person she's told is Anna, who despite her annoying habit of being good at <em>everything</em>,<em> is</em> her only friend.</p>
<p>If she even breathed a word of it to her father, he'd be doing more than laughing over Zero using escorts.</p>
<p>That's not even the worst part, though.</p>
<p>Zero went public with Jelena Howard two seconds after meeting her while he gave Alexis the <em>friend </em>treatment right up until he left town without a word.</p>
<p>It's hard not to look at him and feel resentment.</p>
<p>It should be <em>them </em>plastered on billboards across Hollywood and he will see that eventually.</p>
<p>“Richard, honey. Alexis doesn't want to discuss her ex-boyfriend over dinner. Besides, she's too good for him anyway.”</p>
<p>Alexis's mother just wants her to marry well, pop out three kids and fade into obscurity.</p>
<p>“Not everyone is cut out for success, sweetie. Your sister is just like your father. They have what it takes.”</p>
<p>The unspoken ‘<em>you don't’ </em>is always loud and clear.</p>
<p>“She was the one who left Zero anyway,” Anna adds quickly. Alexis gives Anna a warning look - every time Anna tries to help, she makes it worse. “It's not like she could have up and left to go with him to California. Her job is here.”</p>
<p>Until now that is.</p>
<p>With her job gone, there’s nothing stopping Alexis from going to Los Angeles - she simply needs to find a way to make it happen.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>After dinner, Alexis and Anna make their way upstairs to catch up. Anna’s heading back to college in the morning, so Alexis watches on as she packs her overnight bag. There’s an awkward silence, the obvious elephant in the room being that last Anna knew, Zero was off in L.A. and they were ‘working things out’. It didn’t occur to her that Zero would become such a <em>huge </em>star and source of public attention in such a short amount of time.</p>
<p>To put it bluntly, the jig is up, and Alexis would rather not talk about it.</p>
<p>
  <em>Don’t ask about Zero. Don’t ask about Zero. Don’t ask abo--</em>
</p>
<p>Anna sighs heavily and lets her bag fall onto her bed. “Lexi, what happened with Zero? Did he cheat on you with that L.A. girl?”</p>
<p>Alexis twirls a strand of blonde hair in her fingers and stared down at the plush pink carpet. “We were never together. Not really.”</p>
<p>There’s no point in lying - admitting that they were faking it trumps Zero cheating on her with half of Los Angeles, city of <em>wet </em>dreams.</p>
<p>Anna joins her on the bed and looks at her closely. “Were you happy about that? Like, did you decide it would be like that <em>together</em>.“”</p>
<p>“It is what it is, Anna. It's not like I was expecting much from him, it was just... I don't know. It was fun.”</p>
<p>“Lexi, I know you. You're not telling the truth. I can see that you're not over the situation. You're not over <em>him</em>.”</p>
<p>“It just feels like he took something from me, you know?”</p>
<p>There’s a <em>lot </em>that Zero’s taken from her - particularly an opportunity to be <em>good </em>at something for once. She might not be the smartest person or perfect like Anna, still, she has something to offer.</p>
<p>Zero didn’t need to ghost her - she would have done everything in her power to help him reach the top. That’s how much she cared about him.</p>
<p>Anna reaches out and takes her hand, squeezing it gently before she says, “I think you should forget about him. Guys like that only serve one purpose, Lexi. They make us fall in love with them and then they make us crazy. You dodged a bullet.”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Alexis says in agreement. “I did.”</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>It's been five months since the Los Angeles Devils won the championship and Alexis is looking forward to the new season. It's been a rocky time for her, what with Anna's growing success and the growing disappointment of her parents. Her mother has set her up on <em>three </em>dates with ‘nice, young men’ and her father barely acknowledges her.</p>
<p>Not that she's bothered by any of that.</p>
<p>She only has one goal in mind - getting to L.A. so that she can be with Zero.</p>
<p>He hasn't been spotted with a girl since the escort scandal and she's hoping that they can help each other out. She plays the doting girlfriend while he helps her with her dancing career. Together they’ll rebuild his reputation and carve out a career for her.</p>
<p>It doesn't matter that she doesn’t have his current number and hasn't been able to contact him, all she needs is to find a way to get to Los Angeles for her plan to fall in place.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, her bad luck continues, and her plan takes a hit when she’s watching the game one Saturday evening. The Devils have just beat Miami and she’s hardly watching, at least not until there’s an audible gasp and she looks up to find Zero kissing a <em>guy </em>in the middle of the arena - in front of a packed-out crowd.</p>
<p>Not just any kiss either, it’s long, drawn out and...<em> passionate</em>.</p>
<p>Her phone pings with a real time notification set up so that she can keep an eye on Zero, make sure that everything is on track. Usually, it's just paparazzi sightings, shirtless pictures and cheesy Instagram posts.</p>
<p>Today, it's…the kiss. Playing repeatedly, like a never-ending nightmare.</p>
<p>“What the <em>fuck</em>?” Alexis screams at her phone, rolling off her bed to grab her laptop so that she can see it better.</p>
<p>No matter how many times she hits the replay button, it’s still the same. Zero kissing a man in public, in such spectacular fashion. She slows it down, speeds it up and it’s still the same.</p>
<p>Her best laid plan hasn’t just gone awry; it’s been blown to pieces.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Unable to stay at home and deal with her parents’ reaction, Alexis decides to drown her sorrows at the nearest bar. With her luck, it also happens to be the chosen destination of all the annoying, preppy people in town.</p>
<p>It doesn’t take long for one of them to spot her - Florence Navarro, the girl with the <em>wealthier </em>parents who made her life hell during high school.</p>
<p>She married a multimillionaire last fall (after a whirlwind romance) because that's what people like her do.</p>
<p>They take all the luck for themselves.</p>
<p>“Weren't you dating Zero last year?” Florence says in lieu of a greeting. “I seem to recall you guys having sex at my cabin party. I remember the smug look you had when you sauntered out of <em>my </em>bedroom.”</p>
<p>Truth be told, there are a <em>lot </em>of things that Alexis did with Zero that she's ashamed of now, mostly because she never told him how she really felt. It was easy to give into the passion and fuck like rabbits. Especially when Zero shied away from anything serious. She could barely get a peck on the cheek in front of strangers, but…</p>
<p>...he wasn’t always like that. Every now and then there was a softer side that would come out during their time together no one else saw. The one who was worried that his career was over. The one who did wild things because he was misunderstood.</p>
<p>It's one of the reasons why she’s been hoping for a reconciliation - she thinks she knows exactly who Zero is and she's okay with it.</p>
<p>This…<em>guy </em>that Zero's with now probably won't be as understanding in the long term.</p>
<p>Alexis breaks her reverie to deal with Florence who's still waiting for an answer.</p>
<p>“We did it against your dresser. In your bed <em>and </em>your walk-in closet.”</p>
<p>“Classy,” Florence retorts, her lips curled with disgust... “Looks like he did everything <em>but </em>claim you in public and now? He likes dick, sweetie. You must have done a number on him.”</p>
<p>“I wasn't the last person he dated.”</p>
<p>Florence laughs, a squeaky high-pitched giggle that rattles Alexis's ears. “That relationship with the L.A. dancer was clearly fake. Unless you're talking about the <em>hookers</em>?”</p>
<p>Alexis decides to say something she's never dared to before.</p>
<p>“Fuck you, Florence”</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>There's hardly anything online about Jude Kinkade - except for the fact that Zero kissed him on national television <em>and </em>was chummy with him at a charity pick-up game two days later. That's followed by a blurry shot of them getting a couple’s massage <em>and </em>an Instagram bathtub post that breaks the internet.</p>
<p>By the time Alexis sees the intimate shot of a naked Zero pressed against an equally naked Jude, she's livid. Obviously, Zero's just doing this for the publicity. All he ever spoke about was being a huge star. Clearly, there are no depths he won't stoop to. What Alexis doesn't understand is why he didn't think she'd help him.</p>
<p>Together, they could have set L.A. alight and yet here he is fucking his team owner's son. While it <em>might </em>seem like a good idea now, the reality will set in and Zero's going to realize that he's made a mistake.</p>
<p>“Wow. Talk about social climbers,” Anna says when they meet for lunch. “I mean, first he goes after you to get to Daddy because he's on the board and now he's in a different state and sleeping with his boss' son. You're better off, Lexi. Trust me.”</p>
<p>Anna is supportive, the way she always is, and it only makes Alexis feel worse.</p>
<p>“Am I, Anna?” Alexis asks. “I'm never going to amount to anything more than I am now. Zero was supposed to be my ticket out of here and now...I’m a laughingstock.”</p>
<p>Alexis always had big dreams - getting out of Ohio was the main one.</p>
<p>Zero’s new <em>boyfriend</em> has crushed the last of her hopes and... she's lost. Trapped under the weight of shame and embarrassment and a lifetime of disappointment.</p>
<p>Anna clears her throat, the way she does when she thinks Alexis is being dramatic. “Look, I was thinking that maybe you should talk to Dr. Rosson again. Just to get some support through all of this.”</p>
<p>Alexis feels her face harden at the name.</p>
<p>Nobody knows why she suddenly stopped seeing him.</p>
<p>Nobody except for him and his <em>wife </em>and if the story was to come out, her family would be ruined.</p>
<p>It's one of the reasons why she's so desperate to leave Ohio.</p>
<p>“I'm fine, Anna. I've been taking my medication and Zero is Zero. I'm not going to lose any sleep over this.”</p>
<p>Anna stares at her for a long time before she shrugs slowly. “Okay, Lexi... but if you ever find yourself in a situation where you need help - you call <em>me.</em> Okay? Promise me.”</p>
<p>Alexis nods. “I promise.”</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>The Ohio Thunder Girls are occasionally hired to perform at private events and this week, it's a gala for the Cleveland Medical Society. They ask Alexis to step in to cover an injured dancer and she agrees, mostly because she needs the money.</p>
<p>Alexis memorizes the steps, shows up and goes through the motions, not stopping until she comes face to face with Dr. Rosson and his wife, Bernice.</p>
<p>“Alexis, it's nice to see you.” Dr. Rosson has the <em>gall </em>to greet her. “Bernice and I enjoyed the dance.”</p>
<p>Bernice looks like she's swallowed something sour; then again, that’s her default expression.</p>
<p>Alexis's tongue is stuck to the roof of her mouth, buried beneath the weight of the thoughts speeding through her mind.</p>
<p>
  <em>Why are they here? Why are they here? Do people know? Everyone will know. </em>
</p>
<p>“I-I have to go,” she says, pushing past them before they can respond. She runs out of the main hall and down the hallway until she reaches a door that leads outside.</p>
<p>The air is warm and sticky, and she doesn't find relief - just another desperate urge to <em>leave</em>.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>It's another mundane Monday morning and Alexis is leaving her private dance rehearsal when her phone pings twice. The first notification is a text from the guy she dated before Zero, one of the losers with no prospects that she hung out with just to screw with her mother.</p>
<p>The second notification changes everything.</p>
<p>It's an email from Sloane Hayes, the Director of the Los Angeles Devil Girls, saying that she's reviewed Alexis's dance footage online and would love to have her come up to audition. Apparently, one of the dancers, Kyle, suffered a season-ending injury and they need a seasoned replacement.</p>
<p>Alexis quickens her step across the parking lot, wondering why Sloane would prefer to have her fly all the way to L.A. when there are plenty of dancers there.</p>
<p>Not that it matters when she has a plane to catch.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>When she gives Anna the good news, reality hits her quickly.</p>
<p>“How are you going to afford a move to L.A.? “Anna asks after she’s hugged her tightly and congratulated her. “It’s just an audition. Is it wise for you to actually <em>move </em>to California?”</p>
<p>Alexis takes a deep breath, smiling when the clean, fresh air hits her lungs. “This is what I’ve always wanted, Anna and... I’ll make it work. Even if I need to get a job out there…I will. There’s no coming back. I’m finally getting out of here. “</p>
<p>“You say that like Ohio is the worst place on Earth,” Anna says. “It’s not that bad. There are so many opportunities here. “</p>
<p>“Not for me, “ Alexis says. “I feel like I can’t <em>breathe</em> and...this is it. This is the sign that I needed. “</p>
<p>Anna is silent for at least a minute, her expression pensive and unsure. “Okay. Well. I guess we need to get you a plane ticket. “</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>There's silence when the music comes to a halt and Alexis remains in position, breathing heavily from exertion. The one constant she's always had in life is <em>dance </em>and no one can take that away from her.</p>
<p>Not her father telling her that she can’t just up and leave or her mother begging her to stay.</p>
<p>Being away from Anna is hard, but they both know this is something she needs to do to be free of her demons. Before Sloane got in touch, Zero was becoming a distant thought, a backup plan that was fading slowly, like the moon melting into daybreak.</p>
<p>Now she’s one step closer to getting her man.</p>
<p>“Thank you, Alexis for a wonderful routine,” Sloane says once she’s finished writing her notes. “We'll be in touch shortly.”</p>
<p>Alexis shakes Sloane's hand and leaves the arena, silently buzzing because she's finally <em>here. </em></p>
<p>In the City of Angels, praying that she's made the right choice.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. I Want This Forever</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for all of the wonderful feedback so far! xo</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Chapter 6: I Want This Forever</strong>
</p>
<p>
  
</p><hr/>
<p>Zero's never been one for romance and he's not really thought about settling down. After a life of watching people disappoint others, it just didn’t seem worth it.</p>
<p>When he was with Alexis, sex and keeping up with appearances were all he cared about.</p>
<p>With Jelena, it was about position and status.</p>
<p>With <em>Jude</em>, it’s about how he can’t picture a life without him in it, how his heart skips a beat when he takes a break from looking so damn serious all the time and <em>smiles</em>.</p>
<p>It’s about how Zero’s in love for the first time in his life.</p>
<p>“Hey, what are you thinking about?” Jude asks when he wanders back into Zero’s bedroom, cradling a mug of coffee in one hand and his cell in the other.</p>
<p>They’ve been spending their nights at Zero’s house ever since the paparazzi figured out where Jude lives - the perks of living in a gated community.</p>
<p>Jude's already dressed in a pale blue button down and one of his signature ugly ties - it’s a crying shame, really, Zero was hoping for some morning fun.</p>
<p>“The fact that I'm now sleeping with my boss.”</p>
<p>While it's not the <em>craziest </em>thing Zero's done, it's still surreal. Sometimes, he wonders if he's dreaming because it doesn't make sense.</p>
<p>“Try going from being an agent to Executive Vice President - I'm in <em>way </em>over my head.”</p>
<p>Zero takes a few steps and meets Jude in the doorway, tiptoeing to kiss him soundly. “You're doing a good job from what I can see.”</p>
<p>Jude smiles, “You have to say that. You love me, remember?”</p>
<p>“Do I?” Zero retorts. “Either way, I'm still going to get laid.”</p>
<p>That makes Jude laugh and Zero's happy to see the worry lines melt away. Call him crazy, but Jude being stressed out has a knock-out effect on him and that's no good for either of them.</p>
<p>“I love you, you know that, right?”</p>
<p>Jude nods. “I know, Gideon. I love you too.”</p>
<p>Hearing his real name is weird, always is when he spent so much time pretending that Gideon didn't exist. Yet he loves the way it sounds; the way Jude's tone softens when he uses it. It makes Zero feel safe enough to reveal more of his true self.</p>
<p>“Sometimes it just feels like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. Like, we're living on borrowed time…”</p>
<p>Jude steps closer and frames Zero's face with his hands, looking him in the eye when he says, “It's okay to freak out. But just remember... I'm here. Always will be.”</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Jude is still on Zero’s mind when he’s standing on the edge of the court, ready for practice to begin, rolling his shoulders back while he watches the closing stages of the Devil Girls’ morning session. A couple of the girls’ wave at him on their way off court and he revels in their attention. Although there’s been a mixed reaction to him ‘coming out’ most of the people around the arena have been extremely supportive.</p>
<p>Zero tells himself that he doesn’t care what other people think, but their acceptance has been a welcome relief.</p>
<p>The only problem is that everything is going <em>too </em>well.</p>
<p>Historically, Zero’s never been far away from controversy and trouble hence why he’s spent much of the past few weeks waiting for the other shoe to drop.</p>
<p>Jelena is one of the last to leave and as always, she’s got a parting shot in her armory. “You better soak this up while you can, champ. Your shine won’t last for long.”</p>
<p>Zero lets her go without a response, unwilling to get into an argument when there's an uneasy feeling in his gut he can't shake.</p>
<p>He steps forward when the last girl leaves, only to stop in his tracks when he sees a familiar blonde.</p>
<p>“Alexis?” Zero feels himself slipping into character, complete with his signature smile and false charm. “What are you doing here?”</p>
<p>Alexis appraises him quietly before her own smile spreads across her face. “Zero! It's nice to see you again. It’s been a while, hasn’t it? Although, I guess we're going to see more of each other now that I'm a Devil Girl.”</p>
<p>It’s like time stands still because <em>what</em>? The girl he (rather callously) left behind in Ohio has just burst into his new life without so much as a warning.</p>
<p>Zero is struck by a faint memory of Jude saying that he should probably call her, explain why he disappeared. He remembers his response - sticking his hand down Jude's pants to get out of having the conversation. He's avoided talking about Alexis at <em>every </em>turn because it would mean accepting that he stepped over someone to get where he is now.</p>
<p>Zero smiles at her again and pulls her into an awkward hug, even making sure he gives her a squeeze so she can't tell that he's uncomfortable by her presence. “Congratulations, babe. I know that you were ambitious. I'm always happy to see hard work pay off.”</p>
<p>Alexis's grin has a strange look to it, along with the devious gleam in her eyes. “Maybe we can catch up sometime?”</p>
<p>Her voice is light and sweet, like she isn’t the reason why his entire world has just imploded.</p>
<p>Zero hesitates before he says, “Uh, sure. That would be good.”</p>
<p>Alexis skips forward, presses a kiss to his cheek and whispers, “See you later then.”</p>
<p>Zero watches her go, unsure about what just happened.</p>
<p>He knows one thing for certain, though.</p>
<p>Alexis is trouble.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>After practice, Zero stops by Jude's office and is disappointed to realize that he's stuck in meetings for the rest of the day. He drives back to his house and chills with a couple of the guys until calls and asks him to come over to his apartment.</p>
<p>By the time he arrives, Jude is unpacking the takeout he picked up for dinner. They plate the food and sit in front of the TV, with ESPN playing low in the background. Zero's mind is occupied by Alexis and he can barely eat, let alone participate in conversation.</p>
<p>It's not until Jude places a hand on his knee and says, “Hey, what's up? Did something happen today?” that he snaps out of it.</p>
<p>Zero swallows hard and steels himself, breathing out before he says, “You remember that... <em>girlfriend</em> I had back in Ohio?”</p>
<p>Jude's eyes narrow and he leans back on the couch. “The one you unceremoniously dumped before you got a thirty-million-dollar contract?”</p>
<p>Zero grits his teeth. “Yes. That one. And don't say it like that... like I--”</p>
<p>“--used her and then threw her away when you were done with her?” Jude interjects. “Cause that's what you did.”</p>
<p>Zero’s chuckle is harsh and bitter. “Yet, here she is in L.A. acting like she's happy to see me. I know a woman scorned when I see one.”</p>
<p>“Zero, this isn't Days of Our Lives. I doubt that she's here for you.”</p>
<p>“<em>Jude</em>.” Zero huffs, not understanding why he’s getting such a negative response. “Look, she and I would talk sometimes when we weren't up for sex, but we didn't have anything better to do. She was just as desperate to get out of Ohio as I was. That was the plan. We get out and make it big.”</p>
<p>“Until you left her behind.”</p>
<p>Zero rubs a hand across his face and just like that, he’s run out of things to say. Towards the end, Alexis was pushy, bratty and downright <em>annoying</em> and he didn't like that side of her.</p>
<p>Leaving her behind was an easy choice, as terrible as that sounds.</p>
<p>“None of that matters now, Jude. I did what I did, but... I've changed. You make me want to be a better person and I'm not apologizing for that.”</p>
<p>Jude’s face relaxes into a more understanding expression, a welcome sight compared to the judgmental look he was giving Zero seconds earlier. “I get that. Maybe you're worried over nothing. After all, what's the worst she can do? Sell a few stories about you?”</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Lionel Davenport's birthday party is the following evening and Zero's surprised to see Alexis performing with the rest of the Devil Girls so soon. He's even more surprised when he remembers <em>how</em> good she is. Dancing was something he never paid much attention to past the ones he could bed, but it's obvious she's one of the better dancers.</p>
<p>He <em>almost </em>feels bad for not bringing her along to L.A.</p>
<p>Almost.</p>
<p>The problem then was that he never knew which Alexis he was going to get.</p>
<p>Sweet, bubbly, <em>great in bed</em> Alexis or the mean, catty and downright pathological version that she harbored inside. While Zero put up with the mood swings because the sex was good and the press was even better, if he could go back in time, he'd bypass her entirely.</p>
<p>“She's really good,” Jude murmurs in his ear. “Hey, maybe you should introduce me to her.”</p>
<p>“Absolutely not,” Zero hisses immediately. “Stay away from her.”</p>
<p>Jude is whisked away by a member of the boardbefore they can discuss it further and Zero goes to get a drink. Alexis is by the bar, holding a glass of white wine and her face lights up when she sees him.</p>
<p>“Hey, Zero. Was that your boyfriend? I'd love to meet him.”</p>
<p>This time Zero doesn’t keep up with the act - no matter what Jude claims, he knows that she’s not here to reminisce over the good times.</p>
<p>“Lexi, what are you <em>really </em>doing here?”</p>
<p>Alexis's smile is strained. “Don't call me that. We're not friends, remember? I was just the girl you screwed over because you’re a selfish bastard.”</p>
<p>...and <em>there</em> it is - the <em>real </em>Alexis.</p>
<p>Zero grabs her arm and pulls her away from the crowd, only dropping it when they're in a secluded area. “You need to go home and... figure your shit out. Away from me. Away from the team.”</p>
<p>“You would love that wouldn't you. Especially if it meant that our secret didn't come out.”</p>
<p>Zero’s eyes dart around, just to ensure that no one is around to overhear her. “What? What are you talking about?”</p>
<p>Alexis gives him a watery smile. “You'll find out.”</p>
<p>It’s the unshed tears that gets to him - he might be an asshole, but he’s not made of stone.</p>
<p>“Lex, I'm sorry for the way things ended, but... it was just sex. What we had didn't mean anything.”</p>
<p>Zero knows he's said the wrong thing when her browneyesdarken to black and her shoulders become a hard, angry line.</p>
<p>“Don't call me that.”</p>
<p>With that, she turns on her heel and walks away, leaving Zero more confused than ever.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Jude's riding him later that night, his sweaty body twisting and writhing around and normally, Zero would be right there with him. Instead he can't shake that weird feeling churning round and round in his stomach.</p>
<p>“Zero, where the hell are you right now?” Jude says, shifting forward so that he's leaning over Zero. “You wanna stop?”</p>
<p>Zero responds with a kiss, shifting hips so that he can push into Jude and fuck him slowly, with lazy torturous thrusts that have him grunting quietly, sweet little moans that Zero swallows with his mouth. They both come like that and Jude pulls himself off slowly and flops onto the bed beside him.</p>
<p>There’s a beat, punctuated by the sound of their shallow breathing and Zero knows what Jude’s about to say.</p>
<p>“You're still worried about Alexis.”</p>
<p>“Way to kill the mood,” Zero jokes even though there’s nothing amusing about <em>any </em>of this.</p>
<p>Jude clears his throat. “Says the one who looked miles away for most of it. Is this about how things were with her? I know you said it was all... physical. Maybe you... miss that?”</p>
<p>It takes Zero a moment to catch on, but when he does, he makes his feeling clear.</p>
<p>“I want <em>you</em>, Jude and only you. Besides, all I enjoyed with her <em>was</em> sex. I could sit here with you doing nothing and I'd never want to leave.”</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Not long after Zero started ‘dating’ Alexis, he took her to lunch at a nice Spanish restaurant. The plan was what it always was - look happy for the pictures so the board would see that his days of hedonism and scandal were behind him.</p>
<p>During the lunch, things got awkward. One minute, they were talking about what to watch at the movie theater later and the next, she was sobbing into her pipirrana salad and <em>screaming</em> at the waitress.</p>
<p>Apparently, there wasn't enough dressing on her salad.</p>
<p>Zero watched on in shock because he heard her order loud and clear - she didn't ask for dressing. It was the first time he realized he had to ensure he didn’t fall too deep into their relationship. The last thing he needed was to be dragged into a messy situation that followed him for the rest of his life both emotionally <em>and </em>mentally.</p>
<p>He made a note to ask her if she was okay to do what he needed her to - not that he followed it up when they had sex in his car twenty minutes later.</p>
<p>That was the allure with Alexis, every crazy thing she did was followed by distraction.</p>
<p>For instance, dropping her underwear in his lap at a party full of people, or skinny dipping in his neighbor's pool.</p>
<p>Everything she did came with an unpredictability that became exhausting after a while and now that she’s in town <em>and </em>working for the team, Zero wonders if there was something he didn't see.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Every Tuesday morning, Zero hits up his trainer's gym for a session. It's a public gym but luckily for him, the novelty of seeing an NBA star has worn off and he's able to get lost in his workout without any distraction.</p>
<p>Two weeks after Alexis shows up, he reaches the gym one morning and finds her draped all over his trainer, Grady. They're laughing about something when Zero walks in and drops his gym bag on the floor with more gusto than necessary.</p>
<p>“Still not a morning person?” Alexis says with a bright grin. “Zero and I go way back.”</p>
<p><em>Nobody asked you,</em> Zero thinks, choosing to remain silent while Grady is there. He doesn’t need to mix his personal and professional life any more than they are already.</p>
<p>Grady laughs and says, “He's absolutely not which means I better attend to him. It was nice to meet you, Alexis. I hope that you enjoy L.A.”</p>
<p>“He seems nice,” Alexis says when Grady goes to get something from his office. “Everyone in L.A. is nice.”</p>
<p>Zero unzips his bag and pulls out his wrist guards, only looking up when Alexis stops talking. “What are you doing here, Lex?”</p>
<p>“It's <em>Alexis</em>. We're nothing to each other, right?”</p>
<p>It’s a force of habit, the name keeps slipping out easily, the way all his cheap platitudes did back in Ohio.</p>
<p>
  <em>We’re going to take over the world, baby. </em>
</p>
<p>Zero shakes off the memory, swallowing down the residual guilt because Alexis <em>always </em>knew what they were to each other. He’s sure of it.</p>
<p>“Fine. What are you doing here, Alexis?”</p>
<p>“I'm looking for a trainer to help me build up muscle strength. The Devil Girl routines are a lot more physical than what I'm used to. Sloane thought it was a good idea. She recommended this place.”</p>
<p>It sounds plausible and if Zero is being honest, Alexis hasn't given him a reason to distrust her <em>yet</em>.</p>
<p>“Yeah, this is a good place. One of the best.”</p>
<p>Alexis grins again. “Guess we'll be seeing more of each other.”</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Every year, the Devils host an annual dance competition to raise money for their affiliated charities. It's a low budget version of <em>Dancing with the Stars</em>, with players pairing up with the dancers. Each couple performs a series of dance routines and the audience votes for them using electronic counters.</p>
<p>Last year, Zero wasn't given a partner and watched from the sidelines. This year, in the wake of the kiss, he's pushed to the forefront - and paired with Jelena of all people.</p>
<p>“This has got to be a sick joke,” Jelena says when Sloane calls out the last couple. “New girl with blonde hair. Let's switch. Now.”</p>
<p>Before Zero can protest, Alexis is bouncing over towards him while Jelena saunters into Terrence's waiting arms.</p>
<p>Alexis elbows him gently. “We've got this in the bag. <em>Trust </em>me.”</p>
<p>Trust her? Zero would rather take his chances with Jelena and she screwed him over for the whole world to see.</p>
<p>“You know, I'm starting to get the impression that you don't want me here, Zero,” Alexis adds.</p>
<p>Gone is the carefree cadence in her tone and in its place, there's darkness.</p>
<p>“Lex…”</p>
<p><em>“Alexis</em>.”</p>
<p>“Right, Alexis, look, I'm <em>with </em>Jude. He's the only one that I want.”</p>
<p>“You're such a typical man, aren't you?” Alexis says. “You don't deserve Jude. He's too good. Innocent. He's not like us.”</p>
<p>“You've met him?”</p>
<p>“Several times. He didn't tell you?”</p>
<p>Zero pastes on a false smile, knowing that she’s <em>loving</em> the fact that Jude kept something from him.</p>
<p>“I guess it just slipped his mind.”</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Practicing with Alexis is nothing short of <em>torture</em>. He might have dropped her like a sack of potatoes because he didn't care about her, but chemistry was never their problem. He forgets himself for a minute and revels in how smooth their body movements are and how <em>easy </em>it feels.</p>
<p>Jude was right - she <em>is </em>a good dancer.</p>
<p>“I was thinking that we could grab lunch before the event next week. Just to go over some notes before the last practice session.”</p>
<p>Jude appears before Zero can decline, beaming when he sees them.</p>
<p>“I think you're the strongest partners I've seen. Plus, we put some footage up online and it's being very well received.”</p>
<p>“Thanks, Jude,” Alexis says, smiling bashfully like she’s some innocent little girl. “That means a lot coming from you.”</p>
<p>Zero watches on as Alexis and Jude fall into a conversation. Apparently, she's had some ideas for community projects and she's wondering if Jude has looked into them.</p>
<p>“I've been busy with other things, but I'll get back to you soon, okay?”</p>
<p>“Sure.”</p>
<p>Alexis aims a small smile in Zero's direction as if to say ‘<em>see?’. </em></p>
<p>“What the hell was that?” Zero snaps when she finally leaves them alone. “I know that you don’t think she’s a threat, but you do realize being all buddy-buddy with her is <em>weird</em>, right?”</p>
<p>Jude rubs at his neck. “Look, she seems nice and... she’s not going to do anything to you, okay? Plus, I can't treat her like shit because you have a bad feeling, Zero. This is business. I need to be professional.”</p>
<p>Zero scoffs because <em>like hell he </em>does.</p>
<p>He decides to drop the matter for now. Knowing Alexis, she’ll show her true colors sooner rather than later.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>The dance competition comes and goes, with Zero deliberately messing up his steps to ensure that he and Alexis don't win - the last thing he needs to do is give her any ammunition.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, their poor showing at the competition is followed by weeks of Alexis seemingly popping up wherever he happens to be. The gym, the deli that's a few blocks away from Jude's apartment, Whole Foods, the launch party for Jelena's eyewear collection, open practice sessions and the vegan bar where he gets his carrot juice.</p>
<p>It feels like she's <em>everywhere</em> - and he’s the only one who sees it.</p>
<p>With Jude still giving Alexis the benefit of the doubt, Zero is forced to take matters into his own hands. He turns the tables on her and starts keeping an eye on her. In a bizarre twist of fate, a gem falls into his lap one afternoon when he visits Pete and finds his office door slightly ajar.</p>
<p>When he peeks in, Alexis is there, backed up against the desk and locked in a deep kiss with Pete. He snaps a picture for posterity and leaves.</p>
<p>Later, he deliberately bumps into Alexis in the hallway, grabbing her arm and pushing her into an empty room.</p>
<p>“What do you want?” he snarls. “Why are you really here?”</p>
<p>Alexis isn't fazed. “I'm here for the same reason you are. Before you got all sentimental and fell in love. We had a plan.”</p>
<p>“Plans change.”</p>
<p>“... but people like us don't,” Alexis retorts, each word like a knife to Zero’s chest. “You'll hurt him. Destroy him and he won't bounce back.” Not like me.”</p>
<p>“Bounce back from what?”</p>
<p>“All in good time, Zero. All in good time.”</p>
<p>Zero pulls out his phone and holds up his evidence. “If this is about the secret, well, looks like you've got one more.”</p>
<p>Alexis doesn't react to the picture. “Coach Davenport <em>is </em>pretty good with his hands. And I'm a temporary dancer. Maybe he promised me something and I did what I felt I had to do. No one ever knows the real story.”</p>
<p>“You're fucking crazy, Lexi.”</p>
<p>“Once upon a time, you liked that about me.”</p>
<p>Zero has no rebuttal.</p>
<p>What she's saying is true.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>“I need you to run a background check on Alexis. One that goes <em>deep </em>because she's crazy. Like, batshit insane crazy and I'm worried that she's going to do something.”</p>
<p>Jude closes his laptop and pulls a folder out of his satchel. “I didn't want to look at it until I had to.”</p>
<p>It speaks volumes that Jude’s already checked her out, and even more that he didn’t tell Zero. Zero snatches the folder and rips it open, skim reading so fast that his head vibrates with energy.</p>
<p>He sees the words <em>affair, married </em>and <em>borderline personality disorder </em>and stops in his tracks.</p>
<p>He looks back up at Jude. “It says here that she has borderline personality disorder. Maybe she's off her meds?”</p>
<p>“Maybe,” Jude says in a tone that clearly indicates that he's read the file already.</p>
<p>Zero keeps on reading, scanning the pages until he gets to what looks like an <em>extensive</em> medical report. It should feel invasive, but Alexis hasn't done herself any favors. She’s pushed him to go to such lengths to protect himself <em>and </em>Jude.</p>
<p>Three more words spring out - <em>pregnant, miscarriage </em>and <em>bleeding</em>.</p>
<p>The papers hit the floor without making a sound.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Jude is in the kitchen when Zero wakes up. He throws on a robe and joins him, thoughts consumed by the fact that Alexis was…</p>
<p>...<em>pregnant</em>.</p>
<p>It seems surreal and impossible, yet...it’s not like Zero was always careful. No, there were times when he was too busy thinking with his dick to do his due diligence and now…there’s a pain in his chest that he’s never felt before.</p>
<p>A feeling of loss that he can’t comprehend, let alone <em>explain</em>.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, Gideon...it can’t have been easy to find out that way,” Jude murmurs, coming around the corner to grab his hand, squeezing it lightly before he lets go.</p>
<p>“It’s not your fault,” Zero says. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”</p>
<p>“Do you want to talk about it?”</p>
<p>Zero wouldn’t know what to say because Alexis being pregnant was never part of the plan. He <em>knows</em> what he would have said if she’d told him. He can picture it in his mind clear as day and he feels <em>empty</em> and broken, like he’s just fooling himself.</p>
<p>“No. We both have busy schedules today and it’s not like it matters anymore, right?”</p>
<p>“Right,” Jude says, obviously not buying it. He doesn’t push the topic any further and if Zero’s breath hitches with emotion, he doesn’t mention it.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Hours later, when Zero's sliding into Jude slowly, his mind elsewhere, he realizes that it’s not fair - not on him <em>or </em>Jude.</p>
<p>He's the one who initiated this and yet, he can't focus, can't give Jude the attention he deserves. He pulls out and lies on his back, wondering if it's weird that he's sweating and cold at the same time.</p>
<p>“It's okay,” Jude murmurs, eyes full of love even though Zero just left him high and dry. “It's going to be okay.”</p>
<p>It's <em>not </em>okay, though, and he doubts that it ever will be.</p>
<p>“Oscar’s out of jail.”</p>
<p>Jude’s words are quiet and haunting, an unwelcome reminder that he’s been a shitty boyfriend.</p>
<p>“How? I thought they had ironclad evidence that he killed that dancer.”</p>
<p>Jude sighs deeply. “They did. Apparently, the medical examiner bailed. Went missing from his home two weeks ago. Without him there’s no case.”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, Jude.”</p>
<p>“The truth is that this is bad for the team. Lionel and I... we’ve been struggling to keep a hold of the team. “</p>
<p>“I didn’t know.”</p>
<p>“It’s not something we’re broadcasting.”</p>
<p>“Still, I get that I’ve had my head stuck in my ass, but I’m here, okay? I’m always here.”</p>
<p>The corners of Jude’s mouth turn up. “I know.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Not Invincible</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Once again, thank you all for the comments, kudos and being awesome! I hope you enjoy this next chapter ♥</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Chapter 7: Not Invincible</strong>
</p>
<p>
  
</p><hr/>
<p>Jude once asked his mother how she could love Oscar even though he treated her badly.</p>
<p>Her answer was: <em>loving someone doesn't mean that they're perfect. It means loving them despite their flaws. </em></p>
<p>It’s a concept he’s struggled with despite his own desperation to be noticed by his father. Loving someone is one thing but being expected to simply stand by and accept that they’re not a good person is another entirely.</p>
<p>Zero's always been a multifaceted person. Jude knew that before he first flew to Ohio and was aware before and after he embarked on a relationship with him.</p>
<p>He can’t change the past or expect Zero to be different just because he's with him.</p>
<p>It was just... <em>easier</em> to pretend before Alexis appeared in town with her long free flowing blonde hair, pearly white smile and stunning beauty.</p>
<p>
  <em>Please, Jude. She's just like every other wannabe celebrity on Rodeo Drive. Blonde, skinny and desperate with a grave absence of personality. </em>
</p>
<p>Jude laughs under his breath at Lionel's 'comforting' words. It's bad enough that he has to see Jelena daily... another ex-girlfriend is difficult to deal with.</p>
<p>Not that Zero cares, he's too busy convinced that Alexis is here to cause trouble.</p>
<p>Every time it comes up, Jude sits there biting his tongue because...Zero <em>did </em>wrong Alexis. He's not innocent no matter how much he swears that they meant nothing to each other. He allowed Alexis into his home, his life (and his <em>bed</em>) - there’s nothing to say he wouldn’t still be dating her if Jude didn’t bring him to L.A.</p>
<p>That's what bothers him the most.</p>
<p>Someone being tossed aside for a better opportunity. The idea of Zero deciding that <em>they </em>don't mean anything when his next meal ticket comes along.</p>
<p>The notion that <em>they're </em>not real.</p>
<p>
  <em>Jude, he came out for you. As much as I can't stand him, I'd say that you and he are very much real. </em>
</p>
<p>Lionel again, with a rare defense of Zero.</p>
<p>Jude knows that she’s right yet...with Alexis strolling around the arena, he’s unable to silence his doubts.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Zero's house always seems alien to Jude, but it's closer to the arena so they stay here most of the time. In the beginning, he didn't mind. Not when they were in the honeymoon period and everything was sweet and light.</p>
<p>Rolling around in Zero’s expensive sheets and getting lost in each other’s bodies; hushed conversations in the dark about everything and nothing.</p>
<p>Lately, every evening is about Alexis and whatever evil she's planning. Jude's investigated her and he hasn't found anything suspicious.</p>
<p>Truth be told, part of Jude feels guilty for not caring last year when Zero up and left her to join the team. He was too busy salivating over the thought of his father's acceptance. Too hung up on his feelings for Zero.</p>
<p>“She's <em>still </em>at the arena every time I'm there,” Zero remarks, cutting into his grilled chicken harshly, looking up to gauge Jude's reaction.</p>
<p>“That hardly proves anything.”</p>
<p>The part that Jude hasn't told Zero he’s bumped into Alexis at the arena and she seemed nice enough. Damaged, maybe, but not the evil monster Zero is making her out to be.</p>
<p>“<em>Why did you pick L.A.?</em>” <em>Jude asks. “Why not Miami?”</em></p>
<p>
  <em>Alexis adjusts her bag strap and laughs gently. “To be honest, where I went didn't matter at first. Not until I formed this plan. To make it on my own...to be somebody. To finish what I started for myself.</em>
</p>
<p>While Jude trusts Zero's judgement, he doesn't think Alexis is dangerous and if she is - perhaps it's not too late to save her.</p>
<p>He just needs to convince Zero to ease up.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Jude's role within the team is focused on player development and operations. That includes the dancers. Sloane is the Director of the Devil Girls, but she reports to him. Her latest update comes with a note about Alexis's current living situation. She's staying with Sloane and according to the email, she’s outstayed her welcome.</p>
<p>“Guess she knows about Pete,” Jude mutters to himself. That’s the <em>one </em>area where Zero’s concerns are valid. What rational thinking person would hook up with the partner of the person putting a roof over their head?</p>
<p>Pete's cheating is nothing new and Jude's uninterested in what Sloane plans to do. He reminds her that mixing personal business with Devils business is not advised and tells her he'll handle Alexis.</p>
<p>After half an hour of fruitless phone calls, he finally gets through to Alexis and asks her to stop by his office.</p>
<p>When she arrives, she’s in a red sundress, tan Chelsea boots and a pair of Gucci shades perched on her head.</p>
<p>
  <em>Like something out of a magazine. </em>
</p>
<p>“Jude! It's so nice to see you,” Alexis says, cutting into his thoughts before he can ruminate on how <em>different</em> they are.</p>
<p>He cuts straight to the chase. “I heard that Sloane kicked you out of her place.”</p>
<p>Alexis's face falls and she blinks innocently, like she’s genuinely distraught. “I had no idea that she was dating Coach Davenport.”</p>
<p>Jude snorts, not buying the innocent act for a single second. “I'm pretty sure you did.”</p>
<p>Alexis’s face morphs into a mischievous grin, eyes gleaming when she realizes that she’s been busted. “Maybe. Are you going to fire me?”</p>
<p>“No,” Jude says. “Sloane has had enough problems. She doesn't need this getting out. I do need you to apologize to her, though. Whatever your endgame is here - sleeping with Pete won't get you any closer to it.”</p>
<p>“You must be speaking from experience,” Alexis says. “You’re no stranger to a good scheme, huh?”</p>
<p>Jude smiles. “You could say that. I try to do it less these days. The one time that I didn't scheme and force things... I got what I wanted. If it's meant to be... It'll happen.”</p>
<p>“Why are you being nice to me?” Alexis asks suddenly, “especially when Zero hates my guts.”</p>
<p>Jude clears his throat. “He doesn't hate you.”</p>
<p>“Oh, he does. I'm the <em>one </em>person here who reminds him of who he used to be. The guy that memorized Bible quotes from phone apps and then preached to my parents because it was better than letting anyone see who he <em>really</em> is.”</p>
<p>It’s an accurate description of Zero, one that someone who was ‘just a fling’ shouldn’t have. Unless Alexis is the one who didn’t keep to their agreement - maybe she caught feelings when she wasn’t supposed to and that’s all this is - heartbreak.</p>
<p>“Fine. I can't speak for Zero, but I don't hate you.”</p>
<p>Alexis tilts her head, regarding him with curiosity. “Why not?”</p>
<p>“I'm my own person, Alexis. That's why.”</p>
<p>There’s a pause, the kind where nothing moves except Jude’s heartbeat, thumping loudly like he’s in the final act of a horror movie.</p>
<p>“I see why he likes you so much... you're...a good guy. Charming, in your own little way.”</p>
<p>“Thanks?”</p>
<p>Despite her words, there’s a darkness in her eyes that Jude’s never seen before.</p>
<p>“Don't thank me!” she snaps, the rebuke so abrupt that Jude feels like a naughty child being scolded by an angry parent.</p>
<p>“Okaaay,” Jude draws the word out. “I've made a few calls and I've found a few affordable apartments. The team might have to subsidize your rent for a while, but we have measures in place for that.”</p>
<p>“What do you see in him?”</p>
<p>It doesn’t seem like she’s even paying attention to her own housing situation and Jude begins to realize Zero is right.</p>
<p>There’s something off with this girl.</p>
<p>“Zero? He's... different with me. That's all I'm willing to say.”</p>
<p>Alexis’ smile is jaded and wistful. “I bet he is. I bet he is.”</p>
<p>Somehow, the words sound like a threat.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Once Alexis leaves his office, Jude reaches into his desk drawer and pulls out the manila envelope that's been there for weeks. The initial investigation didn't turn up anything suspicious, so he instructed his private investigator to do a deeper search. Medical records, police records - the kind of thing that costs extra.</p>
<p>It's not until Sloane's email that he realized that something was <em>amiss</em>. Sloane was the one to give Alexis the opportunity to dance with the girls and even put her up in her own home. There's no logical reason why Alexis would screw that up by messing around with Pete.</p>
<p>Unless she has an ulterior motive for being in town.</p>
<p>With trepidation he reaches into the envelope and pulls out the papers, eyes narrowing as he reads them. The first set is a medical report, complete with a note that says, ‘<em>unsure if she's still receiving treatment - her doctor had to drop her after his wife found out about their affair'</em>.</p>
<p>Jude shrugs that off because it seems more like impropriety on her psychiatrist's part considering how long he'd been treating her for her borderline personality disorder. He doesn't need to hit up WebMD for the cliff notes on that either. If Alexis is off her medication she could be manic which means that he needs to tread lightly.</p>
<p>He picks up the rest of the papers and finds the rest of the medical records, including more recent ones. There's nothing untoward in them until he reaches last February, the month that Zero signed for the team just before the trade deadline. Jude scans the words quickly and struggles to process both the fact that Alexis was <em>pregnant </em>and that she lost the baby two months later.</p>
<p>Suddenly, he feels like he's intruding - and of course he is.</p>
<p>This - whatever it is - is between Zero and Alexis.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>It takes a month for Jude to <em>finally </em>tell Zero what he knows. Zero handles it as well as he thought he would and there's a darkness surrounding them in the passing days. Jude can't imagine what it must feel like... to find out that you were going to be a father and then realize it just evaporated away.</p>
<p>Gone in the blink of an eye, like it was never there.</p>
<p>“Zero, you have to eat something. You have a game in three days,” Jude says. “This is my fault. I shouldn't have shown it to you.”</p>
<p>It's a slip up born out of his frustration - at himself mostly, but Zero catches it immediately.</p>
<p>His head snaps up and he's staring at Jude <em>hard</em> with an almost feral look in his eyes.</p>
<p>“How long have you known?”</p>
<p>Jude swallows down the bile creeping up his throat. “What difference does it make, Zero? Does this prove what you've been saying?”</p>
<p>“You don't think it does? Obviously this is why she came here. This is the secret she's been holding over my head. Imagine the headlines now 'Zero abandoned his pregnant girlfriend for his dream move to LA'.”</p>
<p>After everything they've been through, it takes Jude back, knowing that Zero is more concerned about <em>public perception</em> than Alexis.</p>
<p>“Has it ever occurred to you that not <em>everything</em> is about you?”</p>
<p>Zero chuckles humorlessly and jabs a finger in Jude’s direction. “You don’t know jack shit about me and Alexis, so maybe you should stay out of it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Jude is fully aware that he's doing a job he's vastly under qualified for and he finds himself under a lot of pressure without the added <em>Zerolexis</em> drama. He <em>should</em> redirect his focus and keep himself out of it, but he's been where Alexis has.</p>
<p>Alone and <em>desperate </em>for the attention of someone who doesn't give a damn.</p>
<p>He decides to reach out to her, catching her after a Devil Girls practice session and asking her to accompany him to lunch.</p>
<p>“How was practice?” he asks when they're driving to the restaurant. “Has Sloane told anybody what happened?”</p>
<p>“Jelena was the one who told her. I don’t know who else she told, but besides shooting me the evil eye all afternoon, Sloane didn’t do anything.”</p>
<p>“Jelena told her?”</p>
<p>Alexis shifts uncomfortably. “Thought for sure that Zero would be the one to do it.”</p>
<p>Jude realizes that both she and Zero are as bad as each other; he decides to change the subject, in line with his decision to keep out of it.</p>
<p>“I know that you wanted to stay on even after Kyle comes back, but I have some connections with other teams. I can put a good word in. I think a change of scenery would do you good.”</p>
<p>Alexis turns from where she's been staring out of the window, sunlight reflecting off the edges of her sleek iPhone. “Seriously. Why are you being so nice to me?”</p>
<p>“What happened between you and Zero has nothing to do with me. I'd like to keep it that way.”</p>
<p>Alexis looks at him for a long time. “I don't think it works like that. I saw him today before practice and he wasn't happy. Apparently, you're a hundred times better than the person I pretend to be.”</p>
<p>That explains why Zero's been unreachable all morning.</p>
<p>“I think he's just mad that--”</p>
<p>“--that I didn't tell him that I was pregnant?” Alexis snaps. “Or when I lost it? That I didn't call him <em>one </em>more time after a month of radio silence. That I didn't do enough to tell him? That nothing would have been different even if he'd<em> just</em> known.”</p>
<p>Jude groans inwardly, annoyed that Zero went in guns blazing when he spoke to her.</p>
<p>“He's just in shock right now.”</p>
<p>The words feel hollow to Jude, but he can’t help himself. When it comes down to it, he’s got Zero’s back regardless whether he agrees with him.</p>
<p>Alexis’s eyes widen and she’s almost breathless with anger. “Stop it. Stop defending him!”</p>
<p>Jude’s mouth snaps shut. He’s beginning to think that Zero was right. Playing nice with Alexis is futile, especially now that he can see how resentful she is.</p>
<p>“How did he even find out that I lost the baby?”</p>
<p>It’s the question that Jude’s been hoping she wouldn’t ask and now he can’t run away from it. “I ran a background check on you.”</p>
<p>Alexis shudders almost violently, her body coiling in on itself before she straightens out slowly and regards him with watery eyes.</p>
<p>“Is that what you do, delve through other people’s lives when it’s convenient for you?”</p>
<p>“I do what I need to do to keep the people closest to me safe,” Jude says. “No matter who gets in the way.”</p>
<p>“No matter who gets in the way,” Alexis echoes, “I think I get it now. It’s not that you’re charming or sweet or <em>nice</em>. You’re a wolf in sheep’s clothing. All this time you’ve been pretending that we’re on good terms, but you just didn’t want to get your hands any dirtier than they were already.”</p>
<p>Jude remains quiet, not wanting to say anything else to set her off. He’s still heading towards the restaurant, although he gets the feeling that there’s not going to be any lunch.</p>
<p>Alexis is visibly shaking now, her fingers slipping off the screen of her phone. She wipes at her eyes and types something furiously before she pockets the phone.</p>
<p>“Are you going back to the arena after we're done?”</p>
<p>Jude is confused at the abrupt switch around but he answers. “Guess so.”</p>
<p>“I guess you better let me out then, because we're done.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>“We're done?” Zero echoes when Jude tells him what happened. “Was that supposed to be a threat?”</p>
<p>The conversation in the car ended with Alexis uttering her final parting shot. Jude doesn’t <em>feel </em>threatened, but what was it she said about him? He’s a wolf in sheep’s clothing - maybe she’s not to be underestimated either.</p>
<p>“I don't think so. I mean, what is she going to do to us? Hire a hitman because you left her a year ago? She might not be well, but I doubt she'd stoop that low.”</p>
<p>Jude’s not sure why he’s still defending her after everything and judging by Zero’s concerned expression, he’s wondering the same thing.</p>
<p>“Jude, I stopped to grab a drink today and guess who just happened to be in the same coffee shop. Alexis!”</p>
<p>“What do we do then - call the police?”</p>
<p>Zero rubs a hand across his face. “No. We can't afford another scandal. Not after the last one.”</p>
<p>There it is again.</p>
<p>Public perception trumps all.</p>
<p>“Gideon, I have a six o'clock meeting. I can't do this right now, okay? For once, sort your drama out before it blows up in your face.”</p>
<p>“What's that supposed to mean?”</p>
<p>“This woman lost <em>your </em>baby and it's like you don't even care. Like you don't realize how <em>damaging </em>that can be.”</p>
<p>“Oh and you do? Wasn't it you who was selling coke to Derek Roman instead of getting him help? Threatening Raquel with deportation to save your deadbeat father? And you want to lecture me?”</p>
<p>“Fuck you,” Jude spits out. “Get out of my office.”</p>
<p>That stops Zero in his tracks because Jude rarely loses control enough to get visibly angry.</p>
<p>“Jude...”</p>
<p>“Get. Out.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>The meeting Jude told Zero about is an important one, a potential million-dollar sponsor looking to secure an advertising deal with the team. Jude's scored a sit down with the CEO himself and he's confident that they will close the deal.</p>
<p>He just needs to <em>calm </em>down first.</p>
<p>His blood is still boiling from the argument with Zero and it's all he can think of during the drive. He should be running through numbers, key talking points and ensuring that he brings his A game. Instead he feels spun out, like his relationship with Zero is a sham, an extended publicity stunt.</p>
<p>It's not like he can tell himself that Zero's changed. Public acceptance is all he's wanted since he touched down onto the tarmac at LAX. The relationship with Jelena, the fervor in which he accepted every endorsement that came his way after their kiss was broadcast on national television. His treatment of Alexis who, before she came to L.A., was innocent.</p>
<p>Is this the real Zero?</p>
<p>The one who doesn't care about people unless he feels like they're in the way?</p>
<p>The two-lane winding highway puts an end to those thoughts and Jude focuses on the road ahead of him, glancing at the mountains briefly and longing to get lost in them. He wonders if that's what they need, a break from everything.</p>
<p>Before he can follow that train of thought, something in his mirror catches his eye and he sees a large truck behind him.</p>
<p>It's odd, but he shrugs it off. Until he notices the truck gaining on him and picking up speed. If Jude didn't know any better, he'd say that it was heading straight towards him. He picks up his own speed, not wanting to get into an unavoidable accident before his meeting.</p>
<p>His actions prove to be futile when the truck slams into the side of his Porsche, forcing him to speed again and try to outmaneuver the truck. He's rewarded with a rear end for his troubles, his chest hitting the steering wheel hard. He scrambles back quickly, looking up just in time to swerve, barely missing another car coming around from the bend in the other direction.</p>
<p>This time he can't predict the last hit from the truck and his car skids, spinning around in a half circle before it slides off the road and down a ravine. Jude feels himself floating as the car flips over and finally lands heavily. Pain rips through his body and his scream is silent.</p>
<p>When darkness comes, Jude gives in.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Haunted By You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Once again, thank you for all the great feedback! Keep it coming - I love hearing your thoughts on the story so far :D</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Chapter 8: Haunted By You</strong>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<hr/>
<p>It starts off like any other regular day.</p>
<p>Pete is running the team through drills in preparation for the playoffs and Zero should be consumed by the thought of beating Boston in two weeks. Instead, he's replaying his argument with Jude in his mind and mentally kicking himself for being so stupid. They don't argue much, not now that they're on the same page about how public their relationship is. It rankles that <em>Alexis</em> of all people is driving a wedge between him.</p>
<p>“Zero, focus up,” Pete calls. “If you get distracted like that on the court, we're done.”</p>
<p><em>We’re done</em> - those two words again.</p>
<p>Zero mutters a half-baked apology and tries to appear attentive. He's going through some Chase Down Lay-ups when Lionel shows up with an LAPD officer in tow. Zero holds the ball close to his chest and watches the unfolding scene with interest. They approach Pete first and Lionel whispers something in his ear. Pete's face is unreadable, but he immediately tells the team to take five.</p>
<p>“Wonder what that's about,” Murphy mumbles before he trudges towards the stands to grab a drink. The rest of the team follows except Zero. He can see the redness in Lionel's eyes and the way she's holding onto Pete tentatively, like she'll fall to pieces if she doesn't.</p>
<p>Something has happened, Zero can <em>feel</em> it.</p>
<p>By the time Pete beckons him over, dread has already rendered him cold inside and he <em>knows</em>.</p>
<p>He knows that something’s happened to Jude.</p>
<p>“Zero, there's no easy way to say this,” Pete announces with a grimace. “Jude's been in a serious car accident. They flew him to L.A. General an hour ago.”</p>
<p>“Is he…” Zero trails off, unable to utter the words. Horror floods his system and it takes all his strength to keep from breaking down. A comforting hand lands on his arm and he forces himself not to shrug it off.</p>
<p>God...the last thing they did was argue and now….</p>
<p>“He's alive. In critical condition, but alive,” Lionel says <em>finally</em>, her voice trembling and thick with emotion. “Come on. The officer is going to take us to the hospital.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Zero's never been a fan of hospitals and growing up, he never had a reason to be in one. He didn't have family, so he didn't need to worry about anyone being hurt. He cared too much about playing ball to be reckless enough to get hurt and fortunately, his career has been free of any major injuries thus far. Hospitals have always been this big, scary place that he's always considered himself lucky to avoid.</p>
<p>Until now.</p>
<p>Now he and Lionel are sitting on hard, blue plastic chairs, <em>praying</em> that Jude is okay. Begging and pleading with the same God he pretended to believe in back in Ohio - maybe this is his penance.</p>
<p>His punishment.</p>
<p>Karma rearing its ugly head in the most painful form.</p>
<p>It’s been a frustrating couple of hours and all they know currently is that Jude is in surgery, leaving them confined to the pits of the waiting room.</p>
<p>There's a crying baby, an old couple and a teenage girl that's probably still reeling from Lionel's cutting response to her saying, 'hey, aren't you Zero?' and many more blurred faces that he can’t bear to look at.</p>
<p>He can't even find it in himself to placate the fan with a smile, not when he's too busy dissecting what the police officer told them on the way to the hospital.</p>
<p>“<em>According to a witness on the scene, Mr. Kinkade’s vehicle was rammed by a large truck several times before the accident. He was able to get the plates, so we'll know more when they come back. We're checking that, but right now... it's looking like this was a deliberate attempt to hurt Mr. Kinkade.</em> <em>Can you think of anyone who would have reason to?</em>”</p>
<p>Deliberate attempt.</p>
<p>
  <em>You'll hurt him. Destroy him and he won't bounce back.</em>
</p>
<p>Alexis's words echo in the trenches of his brain and he <em>knows</em> in his heart that this was her.</p>
<p>She did this to get back at him.</p>
<p>“Zero? We have a problem.”</p>
<p>When he turns to see what it is, he finds Lionel's looking at someone by the reception desk.</p>
<p>
  <em>Oscar.</em>
</p>
<p>He strides over towards them, with the ease and comfort of a man who’s never cared about his own son.</p>
<p>“I'm assuming that one of you got my son into this mess. Luckily for me, I still have the power of attorney. I've instructed them not to let you anywhere near him.”</p>
<p>Zero’s not surprised to hear that Oscar is down as Jude’s power of attorney - desperation makes people do crazy things.</p>
<p>“<em>Now </em>he's your son?”</p>
<p>Oscar smiles. “He's always been my son, Zero.”</p>
<p>Lionel snarls at him. “Oscar, he could <em>die</em>. What's wrong with you?”</p>
<p>Oscar walks away, leaving Lionel swearing up a storm and thirty pairs of curious eyes on them.</p>
<p>Zero should stay and fight for Jude, but he needs to know what role Alexis played in this. He can’t sit here for another second without figuring out what the hell just happened.</p>
<p>“Lionel, I'm going to head out for a moment. If - <em>when </em>- Jude wakes up, tell him that I'm here. Always will be.”</p>
<p>Lionel's flustered and she points at the reception desk. “Zero, what the hell am I supposed to do about Oscar? You can’t just leave. Not like this!”</p>
<p>“Jude's always had faith in you. I do too.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>In a bitter twist of irony, Zero has Alexis's address because Jude found the place for her. He never understood why Jude was going out of the way, or rather - he didn’t <em>acknowledge </em>why.</p>
<p>He's always known the reason, known that his past indiscretions would come back to haunt him the way they <em>always</em> do.</p>
<p>Despite Zero swearing up and down that he didn’t do Alexis dirty, Jude feels guilty. He sees himself in Alexis, sees the abandonment he once felt mirrored in her face.</p>
<p>To Jude, Zero is Alexis's <em>Oscar</em>.</p>
<p>By the time he reaches her place, anger is quick to take over.</p>
<p>“Bullshit, Alexis,” Zero says during their fiery exchange. “Bullshit. I know you, remember? I was you, before I realized that there's more to life than fame and fortune and what people think of me. You... you bring out the worst in me.”</p>
<p>Alexis delivers her final blow in a quiet and timid tone. “And you bring out the worst in me, Gideon.”</p>
<p>It takes a few seconds for him to realize that he told her.</p>
<p>The <em>one </em>thing he holds to his chest.</p>
<p>He told her because... she wasn't so bad. He didn't love her, but damn if she wasn't attentive. For a second, he let himself <em>breathe </em>and be who he's always been. Regret set in shortly after and it was the beginning of the end.</p>
<p>Not that it matters, though, because this is beyond fucked up.</p>
<p>It's <em>attempted murder.</em></p>
<p>“I'm going to the cops.”</p>
<p>“If that's how you want to play it,” Alexis says. “Shouldn't you be at the hospital making sure Oscar Kinkade doesn't try to do anything. His ex-wife still owns the team, right? This seems like a perfect opportunity for him to worm his way back in.”</p>
<p>“Fuck you, Alexis.”</p>
<p>“That's what got us into the mess, babe.”</p>
<p>“You won't get away with this,” Zero growls, stomach churning at the sight of <em>defiance</em> in her eyes, like there’s a sick part that believes her actions are justified.</p>
<p>Something tells Zero to wait when he leaves. To see if she's dumb enough to incriminate herself. He's not expecting to hear:</p>
<p>
  <em>“He's your son, Oscar? What's wrong with you? You told me that they'd rough him up - not almost run him off the road!”</em>
</p>
<p>He’s so shocked that he stumbles against the door before he turns and hightails it out of there. Alexis being a potentially psychotic stalker is one thing, but Oscar attempting to eliminate Jude is far worse than anything he could have imagined.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Back at the hospital, Lionel's made some headway. Zero was only gone for an hour and a half, yet Oscar's gone and they’re miraculously on the approved list of visitors. When he asks Lionel how she did it she waves the question away.</p>
<p>It's an uneasy feeling, knowing that Oscar Kinkade would go to such lengths to get his team back.</p>
<p>That's the only thing that makes sense to him.</p>
<p>They wait another three hours before the attending physician comes to see them, appearing in the waiting room. Zero's on his feet immediately, desperate for <em>something</em>.</p>
<p>“Jude is lucky to be alive. Very lucky. One of his ribs punctured his lung. He's also got a broken collarbone, two ribs, numerous contusions and bruises and we're monitoring him for any head injuries he may have sustained in the accident.”</p>
<p>“When can we see him?” Lionel asks.</p>
<p>The doctor's expression is grim. “He pulled through the surgery, but the next 24 hours are critical, he is in ICU and not out of the woods yet. I'll have a nurse take you to him once everything is in place.”</p>
<p>After what seems like an age, they're allowed into Jude's room. Lionel is clinging onto his arm for dear life and Zero knows he needs to remain strong and hold back his emotions.</p>
<p>The beeping filters into his conscience first, loud and incessant, like a death toll ringing on and on. His sweeping glance finally lands on Jude who’s a small heap against a mass of white.</p>
<p>“Oh <em>God</em>,” Lionel murmurs, like it’s the most horrifying thing she’s ever seen. There are visible bruises on Jude’s arms and face, he’s ghostly white. There are tubes running from the machines into various places on Jude’s body and what hits Zero is how stillhe is amid all the activity.</p>
<p>He simply lies there, serene and unmoving.</p>
<p>For the first time in his life, Zero is terrified of losing the only person in this world he’s ever really loved. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.</p>
<p>He can’t lose Jude.</p>
<p>He turns to Lionel and she nods at him, a simple gesture that says she feels the same way. She reaches out and pulls her hands into his own.</p>
<p>They sit in solemn silence watching Jude breathing softly.</p>
<p>+</p>
<p>After stopping at his condo to grab a quick shower and change of clothes, Zero heads into the arena. Jude’s been asleep for the most part and he figures the change of scenery might clear his head.</p>
<p>When he pulls into the parking lot, there’s a familiar blonde waiting near his spot. The usual irritation he feels when he sees Alexis is lost, trapped under the numbness brought on by Jude’s injuries.</p>
<p>He climbs out of his Aston Martin, locking it with his clicker after he slams the door shut. “Really? After everything you’re still following me?”</p>
<p>“I’m not Alexis. I’m her twin, Anna.”</p>
<p>
  <em>Twin?</em>
</p>
<p>Zero scrunches his brow. “What?”</p>
<p>It’s been a period of revelations and apparently, the universe isn’t done yet.</p>
<p>“You didn’t know?”</p>
<p>Zero hears his own hysterical laughter, echoing like it’s pouring out of a tinny speaker. “Please tell me you’re the <em>good</em> twin.”</p>
<p>Anna smiles darkly. “My sister is a troubled woman and I’m sure she’s to blame for most of this, but...I’m here to get her out of it.”</p>
<p>“Good luck getting her off an attempted murder charge,” Zero says.</p>
<p>Judging by her lack of reaction, Alexis has clued her in.</p>
<p>“Why haven’t you turned her into the police?”</p>
<p>Zero swallows. He’s thought about it, but if Oscar <em>really </em>is involved, he’d only be signing Alexis’s death warrant - and potentially his own.</p>
<p>“She blames me for the baby, and I guess this - what happened to Jude - is my penance. I’m not going to give anyone else a reason to hurt the people that I love.”</p>
<p>Anna stares at him for a long time, enough that Zero gets freaked out. “So, you really do love him?”</p>
<p>“Yeah. Yeah, I really do. Your sister knows that.”</p>
<p>“I don’t condone her actions, but she was a mess when you left. Our father blamed her for the fact that you left the team high and dry, and said that she was such a disappointment that she couldn’t even lie on her back to keep a man. It got ugly.”</p>
<p>“I...I didn’t know.”</p>
<p>His own words are hollow because, how could he? He made sure that he was clueless about the mess he left behind in Ohio.</p>
<p>“I suspect that you don’t care either,” Anna says as-matter-of-factly. “Maybe you need to work on that. Seven letter word. Begins with E.”</p>
<p>Zero releases a disbelieving snort. “What are you, a crossword puzzle writer?”</p>
<p>Anna’s eyes narrow. “I’m worried about my sister. You clearly lack empathy.”</p>
<p>Given the delicate nature of the situation, he decides to let the barb slide. There’s no way of knowing what Alexis told her and truth be told, he doesn’t have the energy.</p>
<p>“Her...condition. That’s why she was always all over the place? “</p>
<p>For the first time, something other than indifference flicks across her face. “She wasn’t taking her medication <em>or </em>going to therapy. Our parents see it as an inconvenience and don’t check up on it. I’ve been away for school.”</p>
<p>“It can’t be easy - having a twin sister that’s bipolar.“</p>
<p>“She's borderline. Not bipolar.”</p>
<p>“Right,” Zero says. “The point still stands.”</p>
<p>“It’s not,” Anna says, “particularly when people like you use her and throw her away when you’re done.“</p>
<p>“Huh, “ Zero says in lieu of defending himself. “I mean, it’s all convenient isn’t it? No meds, on the outs with her shrink - almost like she knew she could fall back on her condition if she got caught.“</p>
<p>Anna doesn’t break eye contact. “Good luck proving that. “</p>
<p>“I <em>lived </em>it. She’s been following me for weeks, popping up where I am and trying to--”</p>
<p>“To what? Make you fall in love with her?“</p>
<p>It sounds ridiculous even to Zero’s ears, however, ridiculous and the <em>truth</em> are not mutually exclusive.</p>
<p>“In one word, yeah. I’m sure she thought she’d come here and have a fairytale life with me.“</p>
<p>“Maybe she did, but she’s not stupid, Zero. She didn’t come here to be your doting girlfriend, not after what you did to her. When are you going to admit that this is <em>your </em>fault? Wasn't this always the plan?“</p>
<p>“<em>My </em>plan.“</p>
<p>Anna laughs bitterly. “There it is. She had plans too, Zero and maybe if you’d been a little nicer to her when she showed up, we wouldn’t be in this mess.“</p>
<p>Zero can’t hear any more of this. “Look, I have to go, but this isn’t over. Tell Alexis to watch her back.”</p>
<p>“I hope for your sake that’s not a threat.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Back at the hospital, after three days of worrying if Jude will come out of his coma-like state he has finally regained consciousness and a weary Zero finds him sitting up in his hospital bed, talking to Lionel quietly.</p>
<p>“Hey, stupid,” Zero greets him affectionately, leaning in to kiss his forehead gently. “You scared the hell out of me Jude. How are you feeling?”</p>
<p>The answer is almost trivial because it’s obvious just from looking at him, he looks <em>exhausted</em> and like he’s still in a great deal of pain.</p>
<p>“I've seen better days,” Jude replies with a soft smile. “Guess that truck rammed me pretty hard.”</p>
<p>It feels so good to hear his voice that tears prickle in the corner of Zero’s eyes.</p>
<p>Lionel clears her throat, a not so subtle way of saying that Jude doesn't know the intricate details of what happened to him.</p>
<p>“I'll give you some privacy,” she says before making her way out.</p>
<p>Zero takes her seat and pulls Jude's clammy hand into his own. “Do you remember what happened?”</p>
<p>“I was on my way to a meeting and... this truck wouldn't let up. It was like something out of a bad movie.”</p>
<p>“It's her.”</p>
<p>Jude understands instantly. “What? Are you trying to say Alexis did this? Zero…”</p>
<p>“It was her, Jude.”</p>
<p>“Huh...” Jude seems puzzled, like he can’t wrap his head around it.</p>
<p>“Oh, and she has a <em>twin </em>sister.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, it was in the file.”</p>
<p>Zero snorts. “Guess I'm not a thorough reader. Or a good fake boyfriend because I had no idea.”</p>
<p>Or maybe it was one of those details he considered minor because now that he thinks about it, Alexis did mention something about an overachieving sister.</p>
<p>“You're a good real boyfriend,” Jude says, because that’s what he does - reassure Zero whenever he doubts himself.</p>
<p>It feels like a lie.</p>
<p>Jude’s smile is labored. “Everything's going to be okay, Gid. Doctor said that I was lucky.”</p>
<p>It's crazy that a punctured lung, broken ribs and collar bone is <em>lucky</em>. Zero should be the one comforting Jude. The guilt churning in his stomach renders him mute, unable to support Jude the way he ought to be.</p>
<p>The thought of losing Jude echoes in Zero’s head, like he’s in an underground tunnel with no exit.</p>
<p>“She almost killed you,” Zero murmurs, hating the way his voice trembles when he’s supposed to be staying strong.</p>
<p>Jude squeezes his hand weakly. “I'm still here. That's all that matters.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Zero is useless over the next few days only focusing on Jude and practice. By the time he bumps into Alexis at the arena, he's tired and stressed out. It takes him a few seconds to realize that it’s her - although she and Anna are identical, she has a small scar above her right brow. It’s crazy how he’s never noticed it before.</p>
<p>“Zero, can we talk?”</p>
<p>Alexis is smiling sweetly and nodding at the people around her, like she didn't try to kill Jude over nothing.</p>
<p>“What do you want <em>Lexi</em>?” Zero's earned the right to call her whatever he wants.</p>
<p>“How's Jude?” Alexis asks, and she has the nerve to look concerned, like she wasn’t the one who landed him in hospital.</p>
<p>“None of your fucking business.”</p>
<p>Alexis swallows hard and leans in. “Look, there's more to this than you know.”</p>
<p>Zero stares at her. “You're working with Oscar. Is that it? You're sick, you don’t know what you’re doing. Blah, blah. Your act isn't fooling me. What did you think was going to happen? Jude dies and we ride off into the sunset?”</p>
<p>Her demeanor changes, eyes hardening and her body switching to a rigid pose.</p>
<p>“You did this to him. You might not be able to see it now, but you did. Who do you think paid for my flight here? Who made sure that I got on the Devil Girls squad? Who stands to lose the most if Jude stays on as President of the team?”</p>
<p>“What does any of that have to do with trying to kill him?”</p>
<p>Alexis lowers her voice and whispers, “Ask yourself why I'm here Zero.”</p>
<p>“Because you're fucking nuts.”</p>
<p>“You really think that Oscar sought me out randomly?” Alexis says. “You don’t know what he did.”</p>
<p>“Oh, enlighten me,” Zero snaps. “What did he do?”</p>
<p>“I got a call from him not long after you got with Jude. He said he'd fix me up with an audition and make me a Devil Girl and he <em>did</em>. There was suddenly an opening and Sloane Hayes personally called me to invite me to the auditions. Two weeks later, I was here lining up with the rest of the girls in front of you.”</p>
<p>“All this because I left you?” Zero asks, choosing to ignore what she's saying. He's never had any kind of relationship with Oscar so it's not like he's surprised. He's just angry that Alexis gave Oscar an opportunity to get to him.</p>
<p>“Really, Lex? This doesn't seem like an overreaction to you?”</p>
<p>“You left <em>us</em>, both me and the baby,” Alexis tells him. “Even if I wanted to warn you, how could I? You cut me off. You made me your enemy, Zero. Don't you <em>ever </em>forget that.”</p>
<p>With that she walks away, like <em>she's</em> the wronged party.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. In Too Deep</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Chapter 9: In Too Deep</strong>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>It's done. </em>
</p>
<p>Alexis lies on her bed staring at her phone. It takes a moment for the two words to sink in. This happens sometimes, she has these <em>spells</em> where everything spins so fast that it's blurry, like she’s on a train that just won’t stop.</p>
<p>Her phone buzzes again. It’s Anna.</p>
<p>
  <em>Lexi, we need to talk. I know that you're not taking your medication. </em>
</p>
<p>Anna always knows when something is up, she can always tell and that's just one more burden Alexis has to deal with. The one person she loves more than anything in the world is affected by her constant screw-ups.</p>
<p>Her phone buzzes again and that's when she notices that it's dark outside.</p>
<p>
  <em>Lex, it's Zero. There's been an accident. Call me.</em>
</p>
<p>Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.</p>
<p>Why is Zero texting her? How did he even get her number? She has to get rid of it anyway, there's too much evidence. Too many people after her. Or they will be when the check she gave them bounces and it will - she’s <em>sure </em>of it. She disregards the part about calling him and composes a reply, fingers trembling as she keys in the words.</p>
<p>
  <em>What happened? Are you okay? </em>
</p>
<p>Act normal. That's all she has to do.</p>
<p>
  <em>It's Jude. He's been hurt. He's at L.A. General. </em>
</p>
<p>Why is he telling her that? Is this a trap? Does he think that she's going to turn up and do something else?</p>
<p>Maybe it's a lie.</p>
<p>Maybe Jude's…</p>
<p>She can't even <em>think </em>it, because now that the reality is sinking in...Jude <em>can't </em>be dead.</p>
<p>That was the plan. Not at first, but when Zero wouldn't even look at her he forced her hand. Initially, she was targeting Zero until she realized that Jude was so... virtuous, a genuinely nice guy that Zero was truly in love with.</p>
<p>Her opinion changed when it became clear that Jude was willing to tear her life upside down over Zero.</p>
<p>The same Zero who took everything away from her.</p>
<p>Suddenly, revenge was all she cared about <em>and </em>she felt justified. She was simply returning the favor and then it would all be okay.</p>
<p>Except it <em>isn't</em>.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>When the morning comes, Alexis is pacing around her apartment, trying to figure out her next move when she’s interrupted by a knock on the door. A quick glance through the peephole reveals Zero and not the police like she initially fears. The events of the past evening have kept her up all night. Trepidation swirling in her chest along with regret that she was pushed this far.</p>
<p>Alexis wipes her face with her shirtsleeves quickly and opens the door. “Zero, what are you doing here? Is Jude okay?”</p>
<p>It scares her just how <em>convincing</em> her tone is - the perfect combination of shock and compassion.</p>
<p>“Jude's not in a good way, Alexis.”</p>
<p>Zero's eyes are bloodshot and his usually tan skin is now a dull grey. Something stirs in her chest but she forces it down. She can’t break now, not at this pivotal moment.</p>
<p>“And you came here?” she asks.</p>
<p>Zero presses his lips tightly together and gives her a jerky nod, like he’s bristling under his cool, calm facade. “I figured that coming here and letting you know that I know what you did would be the next best thing.”</p>
<p>Instinctively, Alexis finds herself in defensive mode. “You can't prove anything.”</p>
<p>“... maybe not now, but I will.”</p>
<p>“What motive would I have to do something like this? From what I read it was a traffic accident. I don't even have a car.”</p>
<p>Zero rolls his neck, carefully stretching the rigid cords. “You blame me. For the baby. You blame that on me. That's motive.”</p>
<p>“You mean <em>our </em>baby.”</p>
<p>“<em>Your </em>baby, Lex. I know that you want me to get down on my knees and beg for forgiveness, but I wasn't going to give up on L.A. for you.”</p>
<p>Alexis takes a deep breath, her hands shaking while she struggles to maintain control.</p>
<p>“If you'd returned my calls, you'd know that I never wanted that. I was happy for you when you made the move. Until I realized you were never coming back. We only ever wanted the same thing Zero, and I didn't need to be <em>with </em>you, to do that. I would have covered for you and Jude, done anything, just to leave. But... you didn't care. You never did.”</p>
<p>“Bullshit, Alexis,” Zero snaps. “Bullshit. I know you, remember? I <em>was </em>you, before I realized that there's more to life than fame and fortune. You... you bring out the worst in me.”</p>
<p>“And you bring out the worst in me, <em>Gideon</em>.”</p>
<p>Zero is a typical man. The kind that divulges everything and then swears they didn't breathe a word. In moments of weakness, he told her his deepest thoughts, the things that he kept hidden away and yet…</p>
<p>….she’s supposed to believe it meant nothing?</p>
<p>“Don't call me that,” Zero says, eyes blazing with fury.</p>
<p>Alexis stares at him and deliberately cocks an eyebrow. “Now you know how it feels.”</p>
<p>“I'm going to the cops.”</p>
<p>“If that's how you want to play it. Shouldn't you be at the hospital making sure Oscar Kinkade doesn't try anything?”</p>
<p>She’s done playing nice, especially in the face of Zero’s disregard.</p>
<p>Zero shakes his head. “Fuck you, Alexis.”</p>
<p>“That's what got us into the mess, babe.”</p>
<p>“You won't get away with this,” Zero growls, like he's the hero and she's the cartoonish villain. He pushes past her and storms out, slamming the door behind him.</p>
<p>Alexis waits a few seconds before making a phone call, pacing angrily when it's not answered right away.</p>
<p>Finally, the dial tone fades away and a gruff voice says, “What do you want?”</p>
<p>“This wasn’t what we agreed,” Alexis hisses. “This wasn’t the plan. You <em>tricked</em> me.”</p>
<p>“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”</p>
<p>Alexis swallows down the bile and says, “This isn't what I signed up for. You used me. Zero's not just passing time and doing this for the attention. He <em>loves</em> him. I'm nothing to him, the same way I was in Ohio. You lied to me.”</p>
<p>“This is what you've called me for? Haven't we been through this? If you’re worried about Jude, don’t be. He’s no angel. All I want is my team back.”</p>
<p>“Isn't he? He's not after the team's money. He's just happy to be doing his job. You tricked me. You told me to do whatever it takes.”</p>
<p>“The way I see it, you wanted revenge and <em>you </em>took it. You were supposed to target Zero. Not my son.”</p>
<p>“Well, I'm done with this. Done with you.”</p>
<p>“I don't think you know how this works, dear. You're not done until I say so.”</p>
<p>“He's your son, Oscar! What's wrong with you?”</p>
<p>The line goes dead and there’s a gentle thud by her front door, so faint that she almost misses it. She rushes there just in time to see Zero walking away.</p>
<p>Everything is out of control and there’s only <em>one </em>person who’s truly in her corner.</p>
<p>Alexis stares at her phone for a few moments before she hits #1 on speed dial.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Alexis is waiting in the arrivals area at LAX, shades and black hoodie on just in case Oscar has one of his goons following her. There’s a target on her back and she knows it’s only a matter of time before she becomes something that Oscar needs to dispose of.</p>
<p>Zero hasn’t contacted her since he was listening to her conversation with Oscar, but that doesn’t mean he hasn’t gone to the cops.</p>
<p>“Alexis!”</p>
<p>Alexis jumps and swallows hard, relief flooding her system when she sees Anna looking down at her.</p>
<p>“I booked us a hotel. Did you pack your stuff?” Anna smiles reassuringly, but the concern in her eyes is plain as day.</p>
<p>“Not yet,” Alexis says. “Why do I need to leave the apartment?”</p>
<p>Anna sighs heavily. “Lexi, come on. You told me yourself, Jude helped you get it. Better to leave before they make you and they will.”</p>
<p>Alexis shakes her head. “I can’t believe how <em>stupid</em> I’ve been.”</p>
<p>“You’re not thinking straight. And I know why. You haven’t collected your prescription in months, Lex.”</p>
<p>Anna isn’t supposed to be privy to that information, but when you’re an identical twin, mistaken identity is common. She doesn’t bother to ask Anna how she found out.</p>
<p>“Dr. Rosson blacklisted me.”</p>
<p>The lie falls off her tongue effortlessly because she’s not ready to confess all of her sins yet.</p>
<p>Anna looks skeptical, but she bites anyway. “Why would he do that?”</p>
<p>“It’s a long story.”</p>
<p>“He’s been your psychiatrist since you were sixteen, Lex.”</p>
<p>“Let’s just say he was a little more than that and...it got ugly,” Alexis says.</p>
<p>Anna sinks down onto the seat next to her. “Alexis. Why didn't you tell anybody?”</p>
<p>“I’m a fuck up, Anna. Like anyone would have seen me as the victim.”</p>
<p>“That doesn’t mean that you couldn’t tell me.”</p>
<p>Alexis says, “After <em>everything</em> would you have believed me?”</p>
<p>“Yes, Alexis. Nobody knows you the way I do.”</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>With Anna in town, it feels like everything is finally still in Alexis’s world. She’s off the rollercoaster and her feet are steady on the ground.</p>
<p>At the hotel, Anna makes her go through everything six times. Right from what she had at breakfast to what Zero was wearing when he came to visit.</p>
<p>“Why do I need to remember that?“ Alexis asks because this isn’t a movie or a slickly produced television show - if the police come for her, she won’t be able to bluff her way out of it. Not with her past.</p>
<p>“His boyfriend was just in a serious accident and he texted you <em>and </em>came over to your place. If we need to create our own narrative, Zero is our smoking gun.”</p>
<p>“I still...I called those guys, Anna. I’m <em>knee deep </em>in shit.”</p>
<p>Anna scans the notepad she’s been scribbling in furiously since they sat down to talk. “You didn’t give them a personal check <em>or </em>find them yourself.”</p>
<p>“So what? I’m in the clear. Just like that.”</p>
<p>Anna bites her lip and keeps her eyes down. “You’re not well, Alexis.”</p>
<p>“I paid them using Oscar Kinkade's check. Once he finds out…”</p>
<p>Anna remains silent this time and Alexis knows that she’s <em>finally</em> realizing the gravity of the situation.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Two weeks after Jude’s accident, Alexis leaves the hotel in the morning to go to practice after calling in sick for the past two games. According to Anna, it’ll look suspicious if she doesn’t show up ever again. It doesn’t matter that she’s burned every bridge she had in L.A. She’s got to grin and bear it; pretend that she didn’t commit a terrible crime.</p>
<p>Besides, after two weeks of living in <em>fear,</em> dancing again is going to be a welcome distraction.</p>
<p>She’s waiting for her Uber when someone grabs her from behind and pulls her across the sidewalk and around a corner. Cold metal cuts into her neck, the sharp edge of a blade only just piercing the skin.</p>
<p>“If you breathe a word of Oscar’s name, you won’t live to regret it,” the guy growls, breath hot and uncomfortable against her skin. He pushes her onto the ground and runs off. Alexis lies there for a moment and prays for someone to take her away, eventually dragging herself off the ground when nobody comes.</p>
<p>Even though she’s dazed and disoriented, she orders another Uber and heads to the arena, stumbling through the main doors and rummaging in her bag for her locker key. In her haste, she doesn’t see Zero until she knocks into him.</p>
<p>The last time they saw each other she tried to tell him about Oscar, but it fell on deaf ears. It’s not like she can blame Zero - if she was him, she wouldn’t listen to her either.</p>
<p>Zero’s blue eyes are hard and cold, just like the knife Oscar’s goon attacked her with. “Alexis, what are you doing here?”</p>
<p>“Practice.”</p>
<p>Zero looks disgusted but that fades when he eyes her closely. “You’re bleeding.”</p>
<p>He reaches out to touch her and Alexis side-steps away. Suddenly, everything she wanted so badly just seems like poison - Zero, L.A., success. She can’t understand why she ever wanted to follow him so badly. All it’s done is bring even <em>more </em>misery into her life.</p>
<p>“It’s nothing,” she mutters when Zero continues to look at her, like he can’t decide if he’s <em>concerned </em>or indifferent to her injury.</p>
<p>“Are you sure?” Zero asks. “Cause as much as I can’t stand the sight of you, I’m willing to bet that I know who did that to you and I don’t think you deserve that.”</p>
<p>“We both know that I do. I mean, what would Ju--”</p>
<p>“Don’t mention his name,” Zero cuts her off. “And don’t even think about telling him about Oscar. I’m handling it.”</p>
<p>Alexis frowns. “Handling what? You don’t even know what’s going on.”</p>
<p>“I know enough,” Zero states before he walks away, leaving her wondering if coming back was a good idea.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>With the team away for their game in Boston, Alexis evades Anna’s attention and makes her way to the hospital where she’s able to sneak into Jude’s room.</p>
<p>“Alexis?” Jude’s voice is hoarse, and he places some ice chips in his mouth before he says, “What are you doing here?”</p>
<p>“I had to see for myself.”</p>
<p>Jude looks terrible, with pale skin and bruises on his face. He seems frail in the white hospital gown, like he’s too weak to do anything for himself. Regret stabs her chest painfully and she takes a shuddering breath.</p>
<p>“I don’t think you should be here.”</p>
<p>Alexis runs a hand through her hair and strokes her neck, wincing when she presses against the cut.</p>
<p>“Zero was right about me. I’m everything he said I was and more importantly, I’m the reason why you’re here. For that, I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>She can’t bring herself to tell him about Oscar so she leaves it at that, unable to look Jude in the eye and face up to what she’s done.</p>
<p>Jude takes his time to respond, but when he does, it catches her by surprise.</p>
<p>“I... I don’t know <em>why </em>you did this...but...I don’t know why I’ve done some of the things that I’ve done. It’s always easy when you have an end goal, easy to move parameters and forget that we’re all human. We’re all fallible.”</p>
<p>“What are you saying?”</p>
<p>“I’m saying that I might not come after you, but others might. Maybe it’s time for you to leave.”</p>
<p>Alexis smiles sadly. “It was never about <em>you</em>, Jude. Not for me. Not even after I got here, I just wanted Zero to see what it was like to….”</p>
<p>“To lose someone.” Jude prompts her when she trails off. At her nod, Jude smiles sadly and adds, “He knows...but for what it’s worth, he wasn’t unaffected by what happened to you.”</p>
<p>In a weird way hearing that makes Alexis feel better.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Once Alexis reaches the hotel, she tells Anna what happened at the hospital. On the Uber ride home she mulled Jude’s words over and over, wondering why he wasn’t angry with her.</p>
<p>“Is he giving you a get out of jail free card?”</p>
<p>Alexis shrugs. There was no one guarding Jude’s room at the hospital, so unless it’s an elaborate set-up, it seems like the police don’t think he’s in any imminent danger.</p>
<p>Perhaps Jude was right - it’s time for her to leave.</p>
<p>“Come back to Ohio,” Anna says suddenly. “Even if this blows up, Dad will know what to do. Plus, there’s <em>nothing </em>here for you, Lex. Zero’s gone and... Oscar…”</p>
<p>Alexis thinks back to her conversation with Zero and the reality begins to dawn on her. There’s only one way this is going to end and....she would never forgive herself if she didn’t ensure that she protected Zero as much as she could.</p>
<p>“Lex! Are you with me?” Anna shakes her arms. “There was a dancer that wound up <em>dead </em>a couple of years ago. Rumor is that Oscar did it.”</p>
<p>Alexis knows all about it, the same way she’s aware that she has a duty to protect Anna as well. She’s <em>already </em>told her too much.</p>
<p>“You’re right, Anna. Let’s go back to Ohio.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Crossed The Line</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Chapter 10: Crossed The Line</strong>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<hr/>
<p>When Jude comes to, his tongue feels heavy in his mouth and his head’s thick with fog, clouded by an inability to remember where he is. He peels his eyes open slowly, frowning when he realizes he’s in a hospital. A small, private room with ‘Get Well Soon’ cards and flowers on one side and relentless machines on the other, beeping to their heart’s content.</p>
<p>Before he can observe any further the door opens, and a familiar figure appears.</p>
<p>“Lionel.” Jude’s voice is hoarse and low, but she hears him anyway.</p>
<p>“Oh, Jude,” she calls, rushing to his bedside. “Jude, you’re awake!”</p>
<p>“W-what happened?”</p>
<p>Lionel shushes him quickly and throws a reassuring smile in his direction. “I’m going to get a doctor, okay? I’ll be right back.”</p>
<p>“Z-Zero?” If Jude’s there does that mean that Zero is hurt too? What happened? Why is he here? Where’s Zero?</p>
<p>The machines begin to beep faster than before and Lionel’s smile drops. “Jude, it’s okay. Zero’s fine. You’re fine. I’m going to get the doctor. I’ll be one minute.”</p>
<p>Jude blinks sluggishly, not understanding much beyond ‘Zero’s fine’and he lets his eyes fall shut.</p>
<p>When they open again, Lionel’s sitting in a chair beside his bed, looking at her phone.</p>
<p>“Lionel.”</p>
<p>“Jude!” Her eyes light up and she leans in and grabs his hand, squeezing it hard enough that it hurts.</p>
<p>“Why am I here?” Jude asks, remembering that he had an important meeting to get to. He recalls getting into an argument with Zero about whether Alexis was threatening them, but after that everything is blank. “What happened?”</p>
<p>“You were in an accident, Jude. Someone ran you off the road.”</p>
<p>Jude searches his mind for even a <em>glimmer</em> of a memory to no avail. “I can’t remember what happened.”</p>
<p>Lionel’s expression is grim, her eyes flickering with anguish. “Perhaps that’s for the best.”</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Two days later, Jude finds out that Oscar is back in charge of the team. Lionel and Zero have been keeping it from him, but Kyle doesn’t know that. When she pays him a visit, she spills for twenty minutes straight.</p>
<p>“Funny how I’m missing in action and <em>literally</em> missing all the action,” she remarks airily once she’s told Jude everything. “Do the police know what happened?”</p>
<p>Jude shakes his head. “They’re looking into it.”</p>
<p>What he doesn’t tell her is that they already know what happened. Alexis paid someone to drive him off the road. At least that’s what Zero tells him. Apparently, he went over to her place and she confessed just like that. Jude knows Zero enough to be aware that there’s something missing. A piece of information they’re keeping from him.</p>
<p>Kyle hums quietly. “Oscar sure knows how to make an entrance; I’ll tell you that. Funny how you get into an accident and Lionel just gives him the team.”</p>
<p>“Do you know something?” Jude asks. Kyle’s dealt with Oscar before. Maybe she’s got the inside track.</p>
<p>“I know <em>Oscar,</em>” Kyle says, her Southern twang suddenly more pronounced. “And so do you. Why else would you be lying in the hospital while he struts around the arena eating canapes with his buddies?”</p>
<p>It’s a good question.</p>
<p>Jude knows better than most how Oscar operates. Oscar plays dirty and stops at nothing to eliminate his threats. Time and time again he ruins lives in the name of success and Jude can't be upset about it. Not when he's been complicit.</p>
<p>Zero's rants about Alexis are getting harder and harder to hear because Jude feels nothing about her. He's not <em>angry</em>. He should be. Most people would, but he's not most people. He's someone who's done terrible things for the people he loves.</p>
<p>How can he fault Alexis for doing the same when he's no better than her?</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Zero’s flipping through a magazine when Jude is wheeled back into his room after yet another scan. Since he woke up, he’s been prodded, scanned and examined more times than he can count and he’s sick of it. He’s cranky from the pain and all he wants is to go home.</p>
<p>Zero gives him a hasty but warm kiss once the nurses have helped him back into bed. Jude can tell how helpless he feels, just from the way he hovered while the nurses were assisting him. Zero would do it himself if he could, but Jude’s memorized every word of his contract. Injured boyfriend or not, if Zero hurts himself here, he’d be in violation. Jude can’t allow that especially with Oscar’s takeover.</p>
<p>“How was practice?” Jude asks, silently praying that Zero won't launch into another tirade about Alexis.</p>
<p>“Alexis is back at the arena. She has some fucking nerve.”</p>
<p>Jude shrugs, wincing when pain erupts in his chest. “Well. We didn’t make our move. She’s got to get back to her normal life at some point, right? Or it would look suspicious.”</p>
<p>“That’s bullshit,” Zero snaps. “She has no right.”</p>
<p>Jude’s been waiting for Zero to tell the truth and each time he pushes the issue; all it does is lead to quarrels.</p>
<p>“Well then. Why haven’t we told the police about her?”</p>
<p>Zero closes his eyes briefly, like he’s steeling himself for an argument. “Let’s just focus on getting you better okay. We’ll deal with Alexis later.”</p>
<p>Jude laughs inwardly - <em>now </em>he wants to deal with her later. “You might as well tell me what it is. I’ll find out anyway.”</p>
<p>“Jude, drop it, okay? Please.”</p>
<p>“If you're not going to tell me you can leave.”</p>
<p>Zero appears stunned by Jude's words and the tension thickens, almost crackling between them. They share a long, lingering look that’s broken when Zero looks down at his feet.</p>
<p>“Jude, I don't want to argue. Last time we did…”</p>
<p>The way they left things before Jude’s accident is still a sore point for them both and they’ve agreed to take a second to cool down if they ever reach that point again.</p>
<p>Jude swallows. “I know. I'm sorry. The pain is making me cranky. I don't want to fight either.”</p>
<p>Zero leans in, shoulders hunched and gaze downward until he looks up and says, “I love you, Jude.”</p>
<p>Those three words don't come from Zero often which makes Jude cherish them even more and recognize that whatever is being kept from him is out of love.</p>
<p>“I love you too, Gideon.”</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Jude gets his answers soon after Zero leaves for the Devils' first playoff games against Boston.</p>
<p>It starts with Alexis turning up to plead her case and Jude finding that feels nothing but pity for her.</p>
<p>“I... I don’t know <em>why </em>you did this...but...I don’t know why I’ve done some of the things that I’ve done,” Jude tells her after she’s apologized. “It’s always easy when you have an end goal, easy to move parameters and forget that we’re all human. We’re all fallible.”</p>
<p>He only needs to look at Alexis to see that she's not okay. There's the partially healed gash on her neck. Her hair is greasy and messy - a far cry from its usual look. Her skin is grey and sallow and there are tear tracks staining her cheeks. Gone is the perfect, beautiful woman he was once intimidated by and in its place is a hollow shell.</p>
<p>He tells her to get the hell out while she can, having put the pieces together already.</p>
<p>A few days later, he's in and out of sleep when he hears his hospital door open, quiet footsteps echoing along with the monitors. A hooded figure approaches his bed slowly and he wonders if this is the end. If whoever was in that truck has come to finish the job.</p>
<p>“Hello, Jude.”</p>
<p>Alexis steps out of the darkness and Jude breathes a sigh of relief when he sees her long, flowing blonde hair. If she didn't hurt him last time she was here, he doubts she's going to do anything to him now.</p>
<p>“Alexis, what are you doing here?” Jude asks. “I thought you said all you had to say the last time.”</p>
<p>“This is going to sound crazy, but I can't <em>think </em>anywhere else. Outside everything moves at a million miles per hour. Life just...goes on.”</p>
<p>“Alexis, I don't think you should be here,” Jude tells her. “I'm not the person you need to talk to. Not anymore.”</p>
<p>Jude's pain relief hasn't been doing much for him over the past few hours, yet, if he calls the nurse now it'll mean questions later down the line and the sooner they discharge him the better. The police have been sniffing around since the accident, convinced that Jude is hiding something - and of course he is. He's been involved in too many seedy operations to believe that Alexis did this alone.</p>
<p>“He loves you,” Alexis cuts into his thoughts, “in a way that he could never love me. Maybe that's my fault. It's like my parents always said. I wasn't good at anything. Why would Zero want someone like me? Why would anybody? Look what I did to you. What I've done to everybody.”</p>
<p>“Alexis, you need help,” Jude says gently. “Have you contacted your doctor?”</p>
<p>She shudders slightly, like she's scared or reliving a memory.</p>
<p>“Can't do that.” Alexis's voice is tremulous, sending a sliver of discomfort down Jude’s spine. “I'm sure you know why.”</p>
<p>Jude has no idea, but he plays along. “There are otherdoctors. People you can talk to.”</p>
<p>“He's made my life a living hell. I know that's not an excuse, but Zero was my escape plan. My ticket out of hell and suddenly, I was vulnerable and lost in the shadows again and he…”</p>
<p>Although her words are about someone else, Jude decides to test the waters, see if she'll finally tell the whole truth.</p>
<p>“Alexis, you need to leave.”</p>
<p>She takes a step closer, her eyes full of remorse and sorrow. “I'm sorry, Jude. For everything. You might not believe me, but I am. That’s why I came here to warn you.”</p>
<p>“Warn me about what? You've already tried to kill me.”</p>
<p>“I'm not the threat here. Not really. Didn't Zero tell you about Oscar?”</p>
<p>“What about Oscar?” Jude asks even though he <em>knows</em>. He needs to hear it. Needs to hear the words spoken to him.</p>
<p>“He paid me to do this. Paid me to come to town and stir things up.”</p>
<p>... and there it is.</p>
<p>“What does he have on you?” Jude asks simply because he knows his father.</p>
<p>Alexis's entire demeanor switches and Jude swallows down the fear; this isn’t about him, it’s about Oscar.</p>
<p>“Listen, I'm not here to argue or hurt you anymore than I have. This was never about you and I'm sorry that I let it get this far.”</p>
<p>“You’ve said that already, Alexis.” “</p>
<p>There’s a haunted look in her eyes that Jude’s seen before.</p>
<p>“I’m just making sure that you know. In case something happens.” “</p>
<p>Jude knows his father enough to know that it's not a matter of <em>if </em>but when.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Jude is released into Lionel's custody while Zero's on the flight back from Boston. The team won both of their games, but he doesn't care about that. All he wants is to see Zero; touch him, feel his heartbeat under his hands and know that he's okay.</p>
<p>Alexis's words remain with him during the drive home. It's not like Oscar trying to kill him is inconceivable. It just <em>hurts</em> so intensely that he can barely breathe. He's been nothing but a good son. Loyal to a fault. Why would Oscar want him <em>dead</em>?</p>
<p>“Did Oscar come to the hospital?” Jude says halfway through the drive. “Did he visit?”</p>
<p>Lionel's mouth twists into an unsmiling crimson line making it clear that it’s the last thing she wants to talk about. “He was there long enough to force me to sign over the team to him so that they'd let us see you.”</p>
<p>“Dammit,” Jude mutters - getting the team back seems a hell of a lot like motive to him.</p>
<p>It's obvious that Alexis is right - all of this was Oscar's doing right from the very beginning.</p>
<p>“Anyway, forget about that,” Lionel says. “Why aren't you doing anything about Ohio Barbie?”</p>
<p>“It's complicated.” Jude turns to look at the overcast clouds. “We can't turn her in. Oscar has contacts in the LAPD. He'll kill her.”</p>
<p>“And?” Lionel’s gray eyes are cold and hard. “It’s what she deserves.”</p>
<p>“We don't need any blood on our hands, Lionel. Not if we're going to get our team back.”</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>By the time Jude wakes up, Zero's tucked in next to him, snoring gently. The smell of his spicy cologne is like a warm blanket and Jude revels in it, breathing it in and exhaling slowly, nice and deep. Jude smiles and attempts to roll over, groaning loudly when a sharp pain rips through him and he remembers he's got to take it easy.</p>
<p>“Jude? You okay?” Zero's groggy but his voice is alert, like he only just fell asleep.</p>
<p>“I'm good.” Jude does his best to push away the dull ache. “What time did you get in?”</p>
<p>“Couple of hours ago.”</p>
<p>Jude should ask how the games were, ask if Zero’s okay, but he can’t hold it in any longer. He needs to talk about what happened.</p>
<p>“Alexis told me that Oscar paid her to do what she did.”</p>
<p>Zero's face doesn't change.</p>
<p>“I went by her place when he was blocking us from seeing you because I knew she was involved,” he admits. “Overheard her talking to him when I left.”</p>
<p>“It's a lot to wrap my head around,” Jude says, “but I had my suspicions.”</p>
<p>Suddenly, the words his mother drilled into him over the years rear their ugly head - all the harsh truths he foolishly ignored.</p>
<p>“It's not about you, Jude,” Zero says, rubbing a soothing hand on Jude’s wrist. “It's about his power. What he feels he deserves. People don't matter when it comes to money and power. I would know. I <em>did </em>put the battery pack in Alexis. I sold her a dream and ripped it away from her. I taught her that people don't matter.”</p>
<p>Jude looks up sharply, only noticing the distant glaze in Zero’s eyes. It’s obvious that he’s been blaming himself for what happened and Jude berates himself mentally.</p>
<p>“Gideon, stop it. None of this is your fault.”</p>
<p>“It is. That's just a fact. I just don't know how to go up against her. I don't know <em>why </em>she would even be complicit in this.”</p>
<p>Jude replays his conversation with Alexis quickly and remembers something that she said - or didn’t say. The way her shoulders caved in when he advised her to go to a doctor.</p>
<p>“I think it has something to do with her doctor.”</p>
<p>Zero’s snort is laced with scorn. “The one she had an affair with?”</p>
<p>“Yeah. I had to pay double to get that information which means it was hidden away for a reason. There was also a sealed juvenile record. We never got into it, but... maybe that's what Oscar has on her.”</p>
<p>Jude’s not ready to admit now, but Oscar didn't need to have anything on Alexis. Not when he already had Zero as his dangling carrot.</p>
<p>Love makes people do crazy things.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Being housebound gives Jude ample time to wonder about Alexis's driving force. Oscar’s scheming aside, there must be <em>something </em>that pushed Alexis to work with him. Something more than hoping that Zero would suddenly fall in love with her.</p>
<p>He grabs the yellow legal pad he keeps on his nightstand and a pen and starts to write down different scenarios.</p>
<p>
  <em>She really does love Zero</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She just wanted me out of the way</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Maybe she's just crazy, truly mentally disturbed</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Maybe she's faking it</em>
</p>
<p>He tosses the pad away at that point because none of it rings true. The answer is <em>right </em>here, circulating in his conscience somewhere. It’s just a matter of figuring out what it is.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Two days after Jude returns home from the hospital, Oscar makes an unexpected visit.</p>
<p>“What are you doing here?” Jude asks when he opens the door, leaning against the doorway for support.</p>
<p>If Zero was here, the door would have slammed in his face, but Jude could never turn his father away.</p>
<p>Oscar’s smile is wry and humorless. “We need to talk.”</p>
<p>Jude lets him in and shows him into the front room. Guilt washes over him because Oscar shouldn’t be here, not when he’s never so much as uttered a supportive word to him <em>or </em>Zero.</p>
<p>Not after he told Jude that he was no longer welcome in <em>his </em>home.</p>
<p>“I know what you did,” he says before Oscar can sit down.</p>
<p>“You don't know anything,” Oscar snaps. “If you did, you never would have gotten yourself involved with Zero.”</p>
<p>“Spare me the act,” Jude says. “You’re a cruel, twisted man.”</p>
<p>“When have I ever pretended around you, boy? I've always been honest. I’m not perfect, Jude.”</p>
<p>“What are you saying?” Jude’s tired suddenly and the sooner he can get Oscar out of here, the better. He doesn’t want to do something that he’ll regret.</p>
<p>“I'm saying that I got this girl a place on the dance squad because she <em>swore </em>that Zero was in it for the fame. That he didn't care about you. She asked for three months to prove it to me. Said that he was biding his time.”</p>
<p>Dread fills his stomach because Oscar trying to turn him against Zero is the final stab in the back. The cherry on top of the poisonous cake and absolute confirmation that he was behind what happened.</p>
<p>“Is that why you wouldn't let him in to see me at the hospital?”</p>
<p>It's a trick question, designed to see if his father admits that he coerced Lionel into giving him back the team.</p>
<p>“How was I supposed to know that she wasn't going to finish the job? This girl is bad news, Jude. And now it's personal. All bets are off.”</p>
<p>Oscar's lies pour out effortlessly and part of Jude desperately wants to believe them. He wants to pretend that Oscar didn’t just implicate himself and go along with it.</p>
<p>“... what if she exposes you, tries to pin my accident on you?”</p>
<p>This time Oscar’s grin is crooked and bitter. “That won't be happening.”</p>
<p>“So, I'm supposed to believe that this girl wanted me dead?”</p>
<p>Oscar looks at him darkly. “What makes you think that you were the target?”</p>
<p>It’s clear that it’s a slip-up because Oscar excuses himself abruptly, leaving Jude wondering what the hell just happened.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Zero is unhappy about Oscar’s visit and demands that Jude spends his days at the arena where he can watch over him. It’s only when Jude promises to check in regularly that he relents reluctantly.</p>
<p>It’s been difficult for both of them because Zero’s still a professional basketball player, he’s still got a lot of commitments. He's not as involved as he wants to be due to the playoffs and media duties, but he's there for the important stuff.</p>
<p>Like when Jude receives the sealed records about Alexis's juvenile stint. He reads it over quickly, blood draining from the face as his eyes track down the page. He passes it to Zero and heads over to the liquor cabinet. Meds be damned, he needs a drink.</p>
<p>“This doesn’t seem that bad? She did six months in juve. That’s a frickin’ cake walk. They probably put a chocolate on her pillow every night.”</p>
<p>Jude raises an eyebrow. “It says that she assaulted one of her psychiatrist’s patients for <em>no </em>reason.”</p>
<p>Zero reads the document closely, mouth moving silently as he processes each word. “Maybe she had a good reason.”</p>
<p>“Oh, <em>now </em>you’re giving her the benefit of the doubt.”</p>
<p>“I’m just saying that Oscar told you he thought I was with you for the fame so he paid Alexis to stir things up. That’s convenient, don’t you think?”</p>
<p>“I guess.”</p>
<p>“Plus, she didn't commit any acts of violence against us herself and when I was with her, I never <em>got</em> that vibe from her. She's not all there, sure, but violent? She loved being a dancer too much to get her hands dirty.”</p>
<p>“Throwing a vase isn't actually the same as physical violence.”</p>
<p>“It is when you're an athlete and every movement matters.”</p>
<p>“So, what?” Jude says. “The information is fake?”</p>
<p>“I don't know.” Zero tosses the documents on the table in front of him and shrugs. “I'm just saying that it doesn't mean much.”</p>
<p>Jude is about to agree when he remembers something. “Didn't she have an affair with that same doctor? Dr. Jack Rosson.”</p>
<p>“Yeah. Why? What does that have to do with anything?”</p>
<p>“Seems odd that he'd keep her on as a patient after she attacked someone.”</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>After days of pleading with Zero to let him out of the house, Jude slips into a nice pair of pants and a cashmere sweater and they drive to one of their favorite restaurants. Things have been tensed between them - and why wouldn’t they be? Everything they’ve worked so hard for is up in the air.</p>
<p>Jude has no idea what the future holds for him or Zero. Lately, they've been in opposite directions, with Zero consumed by guilt and Jude numb to everything around him. His methodical mind doesn't have any answers. What does one do when their own father tries to kill them?</p>
<p>“<em>What makes you think that you were the target?”</em></p>
<p>Oscar's words echo in his mind, remnants of a conversation so chilling that he didn't tell Zero everything. He's not buying Oscar's story, but it's beyond that.</p>
<p>It's about the end game.</p>
<p>“Jude?” Zero's looking down at the menu. “What do you want?”</p>
<p>“I'm good with anything.”</p>
<p>Zero glances at him, but he goes ahead and orders for him anyway. After the waiter takes their order, they’re left in silence. The chatter of the other guests sneaks in between them, making the void between them even starker than it was in the car.</p>
<p>“We've been different lately, but...”</p>
<p>Zero trails off and Jude takes his hand. “Hey, it's okay. It's just been a stressful time.”</p>
<p>“I know. I know, it's just... before all of this happened, I was going to ask you something. Something kind of crazy.”</p>
<p>Jude lips curl upward slowly. Zero's not as stealthy as he thinks he is. He already knows what he’s about to say, the result of a chance discovery many weeks ago.</p>
<p>“You were?”</p>
<p>“Yeah.” Zero releases a little, breathy laugh almost like he’s nervous. Before everything got crazy. And after too, but... it didn't seem right. Doesn't seem right.“</p>
<p>“Wait for it to be the right time,“ Jude says. He understands Zero’s misgivings - now is simply not the time, not with everything they have going on. “Either way, I'm sure my answer will be yes. I'd never say no to you.“</p>
<p>“You wouldn't, would you?” Zero’s smile is soft and rueful.</p>
<p>
  <em>What makes you think you were the target? </em>
</p>
<p>It <em>finally</em> occurs to Jude - the lengths a person would go to protect the people they love often have no limits…</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Keep Going Til We Can’t No More</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Chapter 11: Keep Going Til We Can’t No More</strong>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<hr/>
<p>Alexis was a playful child with a dark side that often got her into trouble. It's one of the reasons why her parents doted on Anna, who was loving and kind. Alexis was the black sheep, the odd one out. She wasn’t soft and pretty like Anna. She was rough around the edges with a sharp tongue.</p>
<p>After one too many incidents her parents finally stopped burying their heads in the sand and sent her to a therapist, a frigid looking woman, who - after one <em>horrible </em>session - referred her to Dr. Jack Rosson, a renowned psychiatrist.</p>
<p>Initially, everything went better than she expected. He <em>listened</em> and even better - he understood Alexis in a way that her parents never could. He didn’t judge her for being so <em>angry </em>all the time, didn’t think she was a freak for being upside down when everyone else was upright. He explained that her diagnosis - <em>borderline personality disorder </em>- wasn’t a death sentence. With treatment, she could live a normal life with friends and family aplenty.</p>
<p>Ten years later and all he’d proven himself to be was a fucking <em>liar</em>.</p>
<p>Not that she realized it right away, no, it turned out that the good doctor is more than just a lecherous pig who preyed on his young patients. He knew just how to do it too, the coy smiles and attentive eyes. The way he listened to <em>every </em>word carefully and told her that she mattered.</p>
<p>In some sick, twisted way it was easy to fall for him.</p>
<p>It was even easier for him to manipulate her into taking the fall for an incident that occurred at his practice one October. Another one of his patients was attacked from behind. Someone threw a vase at her and according to Dr. Rosson, that someone was <em>Alexis</em>.</p>
<p>“<em>Alexis Matthews suffers from borderline personality disorder. That typically comes with dissociative states under stress to which she suffered with a great degree. Family pressure, an overachieving twin sister and a crippling sense of self led to her abrupt mood change that afternoon</em>.<em>”</em></p>
<p>At the time Alexis was only sixteen years old and <em>lucky </em>enough that they tried her as a minor thanks to an intervention on her father’s part. The judge was lenient, and he sentenced her to six months in a juvenile detention center. It’s one of the main reasons Alexis has spent most of her life trying to break free from her family, from being the bad seed in a bowl of shiny green apples.</p>
<p>They never talked about it. It just faded into obscurity once she was released and snuck out under the guise of thinly veiled barbs and disparaging looks.</p>
<p>After her release her parents sent her back to Dr. Rosson and it didn’t take long for Alexis to put into place all the things she learned in lockup. Seducing him was easy. Too easy. He bought that she was stupid and naive, thought that he'd gotten away with what he did.</p>
<p>Whenever she found her nerve slipping away, she took herself back to his poisonous words while she sat in a grey, dirty cell.</p>
<p>
  <em>You attacked Mary, didn't you? You were angry and you attacked her?</em>
</p>
<p>The thing was that she didn’t even <em>know </em>Mary. All throughout the trial, she sat in court sneaking glances at Mary and <em>nothing </em>registered. Nothing about that day came to mind.</p>
<p>
  <em>Dissociative state. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Dissociative state. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Dissociative state. </em>
</p>
<p>Repeat something enough times and people began to believe it. At that point, she was freshly diagnosed and not sure what it all meant. Maybe she'd blacked out. Maybe he was right? Nobody once said <em>Alexis wouldn’t do something like that</em> - so it must have been true, right?</p>
<p>Dr. Rosson was simply stating facts.</p>
<p>Or maybe he used her to cover up the fact that his wife attacked the female patient her husband was sleeping with. Hurt her so badly that poor Mary couldn't remember any of what happened.</p>
<p>It wasn't until someone slipped something into her drink one night that she realized her own memory of that day was off.</p>
<p>It's taken her ten years, but she's getting her revenge - the affair was only the tip of the iceberg, a ruse designed to get Dr. Rosson to admit to what he did.</p>
<p>Hurting his wife in the process was just a bonus.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>With Oscar hot on her heels and Anna losing faith in her slowly, one haunted look at time, Alexis realizes that her time in L.A. is up. Before she can go, she needs to get some cash and she turns to the one person who can’t turn her down.</p>
<p>Not if he knows what’s good for him - and his medical license.</p>
<p>“Hello?” Alexis says when the dial tone transitions into muffled silence. “I know you're there.”</p>
<p>“Alexis, your sister spoke to me,” Dr. Rosson says. “She said you need help.”</p>
<p>“I'm sure she did.” Alexis doesn’t expect Anna to understand. Her sister isn’t conditioned for such depravity. Not the way she is. “Do you have this month's instalment?”</p>
<p>“Alexis, we can't afford it.” Jack sounds pained, like he expects her to care. He’s been singing the same tune for the past few months and yet...he <em>always </em>finds the money.</p>
<p>“Come clean then. Tell the police what really happened.”</p>
<p>Jack clears his throat messily. “You know I can't do that.”</p>
<p>Alexis smiles to herself. “You’ve got until the end of the day.”</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>In the end, the uncertainty forces her hand. She buys a change of clothes, two packets of hair dye and a pair of scissors, returning to her and Anna’s shared room only to say goodbye.</p>
<p>It’s time for her to leave.</p>
<p>Alexis has been waiting for the other shoe to drop ever since Zero found out what she did...but she’s still here. Holed up in this hotel room and staring into a mirror, wondering if she should dye her hair red or black - like roulette.</p>
<p>She presses her index and middle finger together and places them at the side of her head, squeezing once while she says. “Life's a game of chance. Bang.”</p>
<p>“Alexis, what the fuck is wrong with you?” Anna says from where she’s standing in the doorway with a puzzled expression. “I can't deal with this. I'm calling Mom. This has gone on long enough.”</p>
<p>Alexis laughs coldly and lowers her hand. “Call her. She won't do anything. I'm the bad twin who stained the family name. She doesn't care.”</p>
<p>“Alexis, that was all so long ago. You're not that person anymore.”</p>
<p>“I didn't sucker punch Mary, Anna.”</p>
<p>Anna frowns. “You told me you did. That she was talking shit about whatever it was.”</p>
<p>“I thought I did. It was my doctor's wife. She found out that he…that he was sleeping with Mary”</p>
<p>“Fuck. Did he do the same to you?”</p>
<p>Alexis swallows because at this point, she doesn't know. She can’t prove that he didn’t drug her more than once. There’s no telling <em>what </em>he did to her.</p>
<p>“I don't know, but it's even more messed up than you can imagine. I had an affair with him. To get back at his wife. To get him to trust me enough to confess.”</p>
<p>“Did he?”</p>
<p>“Yeah. I have it on tape and--”</p>
<p>“--please tell me you gave it to the police?”</p>
<p>Alexis shakes her head. “I'm blackmailing him.”</p>
<p>Anna starts crying, small sobs wracking through her body as tears roll down her face.</p>
<p>By comparison, Alexis remains unmoved, chained to the numbness that's always there.</p>
<p>“Why? Why, Alexis? You're blackmailing him. You stalked Zero and tried to kill his boyfriend. Why?”</p>
<p>“... because I got tired of <em>always </em>being in someone's shadow,” Alexis says. “I'm finally at the forefront. I'm finally in control and I finally get to destroy somebody else for once.”</p>
<p>“Lexi! It's not his fault you lost the baby,” Anna says, “He could lose his license!”</p>
<p>“Good! I hope he does. “</p>
<p>Anna sniffles. “What about Zero?“</p>
<p>“Zero did this to me. I was fine when I was dancing in Ohio. I was dating, dreaming about the future and then he set his eyes on me and kept coming back. He dangled everything in front of me and snatched it away and it <em>broke</em> me. They take and take and never give, Anna.”</p>
<p>“Do you think this is going to end well for you? Is that what you think?”</p>
<p>“I'm always prepared for the worst, Anna, “ Alexis says. “After all, you're the lucky one.”</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>The <em>one </em>person in L.A. that was genuinely nice to Alexis is Grady, the guy who owns Zero’s gym. For that reason, Alexis makes one final stop there to say goodbye.</p>
<p>“You look so down,” Grady says when he sees her. “Do you want some coffee?”</p>
<p>Alexis rubs at her tired eyes. “I’d better not. Gotta get my beauty sleep and all that.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, for sure,” Grady says. He’s not much of a talker, but that’s one of things she likes about him.</p>
<p>Zero loves the sound of his own voice and Dr. Rosson never shuts the fuck up. There’s something about Grady’s calm, assured confidence that soothes her.</p>
<p>“So, is this what you always dreamed of when you were a kid?” Alexis asked. “Have you always wanted to own your own gym?”</p>
<p>“I wanted to be a pilot, an astronaut, a <em>doctor</em> and then, predictably - an actor. I actually did a few commercials before I opened this place up.”</p>
<p>“Don’t you ever regret not following your dreams?”</p>
<p>Grady eyes her strangely. “I wouldn’t say <em>regret</em>. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I’d gone down a different path, but most days - I’m happy. We spend so much time focusing on what we don’t have that we never truly appreciate what we <em>do </em>have, you know?”</p>
<p>“That...makes a lot of sense,” Alexis says, opening her mouth to add more before she’s interrupted by a familiar figure.</p>
<p>Zero.</p>
<p>Not wanting to get into another confrontation, she hastens her goodbye.</p>
<p>“Grady, I’m going to head out now, but....never change, okay?” Alexis steps forward and presses a chaste kiss on his cheek, leaving before Grady can utter another word.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, Zero catches up with her before she’s even made it to the door. “What are you doing? You want to ruin Grady’s life too?”</p>
<p>“I didn’t ruin your life,” she hisses, “and if you don’t want this to end up on TMZ, I suggest we find somewhere quiet to have this conversation. “</p>
<p>They step over to the side and Zero lowers his voice and says, “I asked Jude to marry me. Well. Not really, but I'm going to.”</p>
<p>Alexis waits for the rush of jealousy to hit her or for there to be a spike in her blood pressure - there’s nothing, just an ever-growing emptiness.</p>
<p>“Congratulations. I hope you get your happy ever after, Zero. Can I go now?”</p>
<p>Zero narrows his eyes, like he was expecting her to say more. “Is that it? I thought you would be foaming at the mouth.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, well, you know me. I’m not a great pretender. I know that’s not the first engagement you’ve had in mind. Guess the novelty has worn off.”</p>
<p>It takes Zero a few seconds to remember what she’s talking about. “Shit. I...I forgot about that. I...I don’t even know what happened to the ring.”</p>
<p>Alexis does, and that’s only because she just about managed to wrestle her stuff from the douchebag movers Zero hired when he left Ohio.</p>
<p>“I kept it. I think some part of me hoped that it was <em>real</em> and not just phase three of your plans. Marry me, knock me up and reap the reward in the form of a salary bump and a spread in <em>People!</em> Magazine.”</p>
<p>Zero’s throat convulses violently, and she knows that she’s right.</p>
<p>She’s <em>always </em>been right.</p>
<p>“Lexi...I cared about you a <em>lot </em>and---”</p>
<p>He's a typical man, the kind that'll give a woman half of himself just so he's always got an eject button. She knows that now and she genuinely hopes that he's changed, that he does right by Jude.</p>
<p>“Zero, you don’t need to lie. Not after everything. I get it. We spend so much time focusing on what we don’t have...that we don’t appreciate what we do have. Or what we truly want.”</p>
<p>“What do you want, Alexis? “ Zero asks. “What did you want from all of this?”</p>
<p>“For someone to love me the way you love, Jude. For the <em>anger </em>to go away. I want peace, Zero and...I still do. But...I’ll never have it.”</p>
<p>“Alexis, I think that maybe you need help.“</p>
<p>That makes Alexis laugh, not a chuckle, a full <em>belly </em>laugh and when she stops, she can see the fear in Zero’s eyes. To him, she’s a livewire and he has no idea when she’s going to go off.</p>
<p>“Do you, babe?” she says. “Because I feel fine.”</p>
<p>Zero clears his throat. “Look, I’m <em>sorry</em>, okay. For everything. Leading you on, leaving you, the baby...”</p>
<p>Alexis feels tears welling up in her eyes and she thinks about the baby blue booties she bought when she found out she was pregnant. How happy she’d been when the test came back positive. How she’d vowed to do right by the baby whenever it came.</p>
<p>The tears break free and start to roll down her cheeks.</p>
<p>
  <em>We spend so much time focusing on what we don’t have.</em>
</p>
<p>“I’m not your problem anymore, Zero,” she says. “Just be sure to treat Jude right. It hurts like hell when the person you love walks away from you.“</p>
<p>“Lexi...”</p>
<p>“Goodbye, Gideon.”</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Anna doesn’t return any of Alexis’s calls, so she finds a no-tell motel and holes up in the bathroom with the packets of hair dye and a Greyhound ticket to Sacramento, planning to get a flight from there once the money hits her account. The reception on her phone goes haywire after an hour so she steps out to make one last phone call before she ditches it.</p>
<p>The door slams shut behind her and something glints in the distance. Alexis looks up and sees the sleek black Escalade waiting for her.</p>
<p>
  <em>We spend so much time focusing on what we don’t have.</em>
</p>
<p>Her phone vibrates violently in her hands and she picks it up, knowing who’s on the other line before she even speaks.</p>
<p>“You know, I’ve never been a fan of comic books, but I’ve always appreciated the Harvey Dent character,” Oscar’s slimy voice sounds in her ear, “You make your own luck, right?”</p>
<p>“What are my chances?” Alexis asks. “Or is this game not a fair one?”</p>
<p>Oscar hums thoughtfully. “Well. Either you get in the car <em>now </em>or you make this uglier than it needs to be. Not just for you - but your family. I mean, your sweet little sister looks <em>just </em>like you and...I’m due a new prescription for my glasses.”</p>
<p>Alexis swallows past the lump forming in her throat and lets the phone slide from her fingers, shattering when it hits the ground.</p>
<p>Amid the tears streaming down her face, a smile breaks free - it’s finally over.</p>
<p>She finally has <em>peace</em>.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Fallin’ After You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Three more parts to go! They will be posted over the next three days. Thank you for reading :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Chapter 12: Fallin’ After You</strong>
</p>
<p>
  
</p><hr/>
<p>After being on high alert for Alexis in the wake of Jude’s accident, Zero grows suspicious when she seemingly vanishes into thin air. There are no texts, no calls, no conversations at the arena and her sudden disappearance unnerves him. For all he knows, she’s laying low and biding her time until her next move. Although, if he's honest, something about their last meeting makes him believe that he won't see her again.</p>
<p>He asks around at the arena to no avail.</p>
<p>Even Sloane, who’s technically responsible for her, seems disinterested and tells him to ask Pete.</p>
<p>“That girl has caused enough trouble, “ Pete says when Zero broaches the topic with him. “If she’s gone, it’s no real loss.”</p>
<p>Despite everything that’s happened, Zero stares him down. “No one forced you to stick your tongue down her throat, did they?“</p>
<p>Pete gives him an odd look before he walks away; leaving Zero with the same question he had to start with.</p>
<p>Where the hell is Alexis?</p>
<p>~</p>
<p>Weeks pass by, with the Devils progressing to the further stages of the playoffs and Zero becoming more and more distracted both on <em>and </em>off court.</p>
<p>Nobody knows where she is.</p>
<p>He should be relieved that she’s <em>finally</em> gotten the hint, but something isn’t sitting right in his gut.</p>
<p>“Does it matter?” Jude asks one evening when they’re at home, watching a special on ESPN that’s calling the Devils’ playoff run a fluke. “This is all you’ve wanted since she arrived in town.“</p>
<p>It takes Zero a moment to squash his annoyance with Jude’s words - they don’t need to have another fight. He's just cranky from being on bed rest. Oscar's managed to ice out all the people who dared to work for the team after he was ousted, leaving Jude with nothing to do except watch Netflix and clear out his inbox.</p>
<p>“Of course. I'd feel <em>safer </em>knowing where she was. So I can be prepared for whatever she throws at us next.”</p>
<p>The lies are hollow, but they’re all he has. Admitting that he’s concerned would go against <em>everything </em>he’s said not to mention what she did to Jude. It’s easier to pretend that this is just about peace of mind.</p>
<p>Before Jude responds, his phone rings. “That’s odd. I don’t recognize the number.”</p>
<p>He answers it anyway and Zero listens to him give one-worded responses before he finishes with. “I'll let everybody know. Thank you.”</p>
<p>It’s the look on Jude’s face that sends Zero’s heart plummeting into his stomach, nausea churning before he can even ask.</p>
<p>He knows instantly that it's her.</p>
<p>“Looks like we're going to have yet another funeral,” Jude says in response to Zero's questioning look.</p>
<p>“Why? What is it?”</p>
<p>“Alexis is dead.”</p>
<p>Air escapes his lungs and his gasp is audible even to him, drowning out the background noise and suddenly, this is all too real.</p>
<p>Silence looms over them, thick and stifling, blanketing the atmosphere like a heavy cloak. Zero tries to keep it together and remember that she hurt Jude, yet... he feels an inescapable hurt. He feels like he’s failed, like...this is his fault and... maybe it is.</p>
<p>It’s his fault that Alexis is <em>dead</em>.</p>
<p>“Why did they call you?“ he asks. “It didn’t seem like anyone was looking for her when I was asking around.”</p>
<p>“I filed a missing person’s report,“ Jude says, “and let’s just say that I had the right connections for them to take it seriously.”</p>
<p>That’s a revelation in itself and Zero wonders why Jude didn’t tell him.</p>
<p>“I didn’t want to distract you from the season,“ Jude adds before Zero can ask. “Or give you false hope. I didn’t think she’d wind up dead.”</p>
<p>He clears his throat and forces himself to meet Jude’s eye. “Did they say how it happened?”</p>
<p>Jude's expression is grim. “I think we both know what happened. What are two dead dancers when you're out of prison and free to do whatever you want?”</p>
<p>“You think it was Oscar?“</p>
<p>Jude cocks his head as if to say, ‘<em>who else</em>?’</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Zero’s having lunch in the player cafeteria when Derek Roman takes the seat across from him and slides his tray across the table.</p>
<p>“Are you lost?“ Zero could be civil, but he sees no benefit. It just so happens that he and Derek play better together when they ignore each other off-court.</p>
<p>Derek’s eyes widen slightly before he reigns in his expression and leans in. ”Relax, man, I’m not here to fight. I’m just here to make sure that you’re straight. We’ve got our first game of the finals coming up soon.”</p>
<p>“I know that,“ Zero snaps. “Quit the bullshit and say whatever you need to say.“</p>
<p>Derek spears his pineapple slice and pops a piece into his mouth. “Your fuck-ups almost cost us our spot in the Conference Finals.”</p>
<p>It’s subterfuge at its finest because Zero plays like a <em>beast </em>when he’s under pressure and he knows he wasn’t even close to being the weakest link during the last two rounds. Unlike Derek, who’s clearly looking for a scapegoat. It’s been all over the internet for the past few weeks - he was caught with his pants down <em>once again</em> and his form has suffered - <em>once again</em>.</p>
<p>“Did you catch that thing on ESPN?“ Zero asks. “The one with Terrence and former Devil players. Was it <em>me </em>they called out….or you?“</p>
<p>Derek swallows hard and looks away briefly. “They don’t know what they’re talking about. I’m the captain. I think I know who’s slacking in my own team.“</p>
<p>“You’re the captain in name only, Derek. We’re a disjointed unit. Every man is playing for himself. It’s a sheer miracle that we’ve made it this far.“</p>
<p>“Well if you have all the answers, what do you suggest?“ Derek says. “How do we get out of this rut we’re in?“</p>
<p>Zero laughs bitterly because Derek’s <em>dreaming </em>if he thinks the season is salvageable. They’ll be lucky if Atlanta doesn’t end up with a clean sweep against them. “Call your girlfriend and make sure <em>she’s</em> straight. Don’t worry about me.“</p>
<p>“What about your girl?” Derek smiles at Zero's reaction. “Oh, we all saw the clandestine chats you had with her. We knew about Ohio. Word is that you ditched her for a thirty-million-dollar contract.”</p>
<p>“She's dead.”</p>
<p>The words feel alien in his mouth, like they don't make sense and if Derek's face is anything to go by, he's struggling to process it too.</p>
<p>“What happened?”</p>
<p>“I don't know,” Zero says, only realizing now that Jude didn't tell him how it happened.</p>
<p>“Wow... That's…I need to call Ahsha, man, let her know what's going on. Why hasn’t the team made an official announcement?”</p>
<p>“You'd have to ask Oscar Kinkade that.”</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>It feels <em>strange</em> to be walking around the arena with people are acting like nothing’s happened. The dancers were a little shell shocked at first but with Sloane in charge, Alexis’s death is pushed to the wayside. Players and dancers alike stroll past the large posters and billboards in and around the building like it’s nothing, like she’s not <em>right </em>there, staring down at them with a devilish smile.</p>
<p>“How long are you going to stare at that poster?“</p>
<p>Zero turns to find Jelena watching him with her arms crossed and eyes full of suspicion.</p>
<p>“You know, I knew that something was going on with you and Alexis but...I didn’t think you still cared.“</p>
<p>“I didn’t,“ Zero insists. “We were just friends. Am I not allowed to grieve a friend?“</p>
<p>Jelena approaches him slowly. “That would imply that you cared.“</p>
<p>“What’s it to you anyway?“</p>
<p>“Word on the street is that Alexis was one of many dancers who think it’s wise to deal with Oscar.“</p>
<p>“Don’t you deal with him?“ Zero says. “I seem to recall you and him being on friendly terms when we were dating.“</p>
<p>“I’m not a bird-brained bimbo, so....it doesn’t count, “ Jelena retorts. “Anyway, I don’t fool myself into thinking that Oscar’s plans hold anything good for me. I warned Mia and she didn’t listen to me. Maybe I should have warned Alexis. “</p>
<p>Zero scoffs. “You actually feel bad about that other girl who died?“</p>
<p>“The same way you feel bad about Alexis,“ Jelena says. “And if she was anything like Mia, it’s not worth it. Beating yourself up at night. Wondering if it was your fault. It’s not.“</p>
<p>“Why are you being nice to me? What do you want?“</p>
<p>Jelena’s answering smile is coy and insincere. “I’ll let you know in due course.“</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>“What do you think she meant?“ Zero asks after he’s filled Jude in.</p>
<p>“I don't know,” Jude says in an indifferent tone, barely glancing away from the television.</p>
<p>He's been like that since Zero got home. Snappy, distracted and not present. Not the way Zero needs him to be.</p>
<p>“Make an educated guess.”</p>
<p>“Gideon. Please. Can we talk about something else other than Jelena or Alexis or -- just something else? Please.”</p>
<p>“No need.” Zero jumps up from the couch and grabs his jacket. “I'm heading out. Don't wait up.”</p>
<p>“Gid, <em>wait</em>--” Jude calls and it's the way he struggles to get up that makes Zero stop in his tracks. “I'm sorry. I'm just cranky all the time because I'm holed up in here.”</p>
<p>Zero feels the guilt like a knife to his gut. “I'm sorry, Jude.”</p>
<p>Jude closes his eyes briefly. “Stop apologizing please. It's not your fault.”</p>
<p>They both know that's not true, that Zero's halfway through a lesson on what happens when he treats people like they're disposable.</p>
<p>“It's taking everything in me not to fall apart,” he admits quietly. “What's wrong with me? Why do I feel like this?”</p>
<p>Years and years of bottling his emotions and the one time he needs to he <em>can't</em>. He's forced to live with them day by day.</p>
<p>Sometimes flashes across Jude's face, an emotion that he can't name. It's gone in an instant, replaced by concern. “It's been a stressful time for you. You're bound to feel stressed out over everything.”</p>
<p>Zero is beyond stressed, he's angry that everything has changed so much. “You're different. The team's different. Everything's fucked up.”</p>
<p>“I'm not different.”</p>
<p>“You are,” Zero says, unable to keep his words in. “You've been an asshole since you got home from the hospital.”</p>
<p>“Zero... I…”</p>
<p>“It's okay. You're <em>allowed</em> to be an asshole, Jude. It's just... I need the <em>real Jude </em>back. Even if it's just for a second.”</p>
<p>This is uncharted territory for Zero - openly admitting to needing someone.</p>
<p>“I'm trying, Gid, I am, but... this past month has been <em>a lot </em>for both of us and... I'm just tired of all the suffering. I'm tired of it being so hard.”</p>
<p>Zero returns to his spot on the couch and they sit there, bodies pressed together with a wide gulf between them. “I'm sorry about Oscar. I know how much he means to you. I'm sorry that I've been so focused on Alexis.”</p>
<p>“Wanna get really drunk?” Jude says abruptly. “Forget about everything.”</p>
<p>“You can't drink with the meds you're on and I've got games I need to be prepared for.”</p>
<p>“I'm not made out of glass.”</p>
<p>“<em>Jude</em>.”</p>
<p>“We don't have intimacy anymore, Gideon and... I hate to do this now, but what the hell are we doing here?”</p>
<p>“Jude. Focus on getting better, okay? We can have se--”.</p>
<p>“It's not about sex,” Jude snaps. “It's about feeling loved. Like you still care.”</p>
<p>Zero sighs. “Of course I still care, stupid.”</p>
<p>He's not sure how they've gone from him falling apart to Jude feeling unloved, but arguing won't solve matters.</p>
<p>Jude's laugh sounds more like a sob. “I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm being like this.”</p>
<p>Zero just looks on, unable to comfort Jude when he's struggling to save himself.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Zero's heading to his car after practice when someone comes rushing towards him. The familiar blonde hair sends shockwaves crashing through him until he hears her voice.</p>
<p>“Tell me that it's not true.”</p>
<p>It’s Alexis’s twin sister and Zero hasn’t even stopped to consider that she didn't know. He didn't think to call her. Selfishly, he’s only been considering himself even though he spent every minute she was alive wanting her to go away.</p>
<p>“Anna, right? I'm so sorry.”</p>
<p>“They called me today. Told me it was an accident.”</p>
<p>“The cops called?” Zero asks. Beyond the initial phone call, he hasn't received much information.</p>
<p>“They want me to come down to the station, Zero, but I can't go by myself?”</p>
<p>“You want me to go with you?”</p>
<p>“Please. You're the only person I know. I can't do this on my own.”</p>
<p>Zero wants to say no, but he takes a good look at her. The way her hair is a short stylish bob compared to Alexis's free flowing style. The small diamond studs in her ears, the formal clothes - a far cry from Alexis's casual wear.</p>
<p>She's nothing and everything like Alexis at the same time and he finds that he can't refuse her.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>That's how Zero ends up at the police station, staring at the silver bracelet that Alexis never took off. Apparently, an abandoned and burned out Escalade was found near Crenshaw and Alexis was last seen getting into it before it turned up. She hasn't been seen since but some of her personal effects were found at the scene as well as her DNA.</p>
<p>“We're lucky we were able to identify her. Turns out she was in the system. We got a match. “</p>
<p>Zero is stunned because how did they get here? It seems like yesterday he was rolling around in cream sheets, laughing when Alexis's hair tickled his nose and now they're here.</p>
<p>“All this because I didn't bring her to L.A.?”</p>
<p>Anna clears her throat. “It was never about you. Not really. She never stood a chance. Not with a family like ours. Alexis was such a gentle kid. My parent never understood her and she just wanted to get away. To get some peace.</p>
<p>“That's all she wanted,” Zero says, remembering their last conversation. “I'm sorry, Anna. I really am.”</p>
<p>“She loved you,” Anna says. “I was looking through her things and she had these letters. One was her talking about the baby. She was over the moon. More than I thought she would be. And not because she was having a baby with a baller. She wrote '<em>maybe this baby will be the one person in life that I don't disappoint'</em>.”</p>
<p>Zero swallows past the lump in his throat. “I'm sorry about the baby. I really am, but I can’t forget what she did to Jude. She tried to kill him!”</p>
<p>Anna smiles sadly and tucks a lose strand of hair behind her ear. “I'm not asking you to forget, I'm just asking you to...remember her at her best. Losing the baby changed her. What happened to her in high school destroyed her. It would be easy to remember her like that, but deep down, that’s not who she was.”</p>
<p>The frank words make something spring free in Zero and he decides to open up for a moment, put everything aside and just speak from the heart.</p>
<p>“There was something different about her. She wasn't like the other girls. You know, they're happy if you show them attention, but Alexis was vulnerable. She was easy to talk to. I told her my real name because she understood. What it was like to have nothing. In her own way, she understood.”</p>
<p>Anna seems to lose focus for a moment. “My parents are flying in tomorrow. I think that it'll be good for them to see you.”</p>
<p>Just like that the spell is broken.</p>
<p>“Are we still going to pretend that she didn't try to kill Jude? Brush it under the carpet because she was sick?”</p>
<p>“The same way we're pretending that Oscar Kinkade isn't behind all of this. How do you think my sister magically ended up on the dance team?”</p>
<p>“I don't know. Last I knew she told him she could win me back.”</p>
<p>Zero's not putting much stock into Oscar's words. It's more what he experienced - Alexis following him, her erratic behavior.</p>
<p>“Did she ever tell you why she hooked up with Coach Davenport?”</p>
<p>Zero blinks. “No.”</p>
<p>Anna reaches into her bag and pulls out a small box. “Here. My sister might have been a thorn in your side, but you have bigger problems.”</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Inside the box is a pile of notes… the first section of pages rich with black ink before it fades to white.</p>
<p>
  <em>Being in LA is a trip. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Of course, I'm here because Oscar Kinkade wants me here. He seems nice, but I know how these men are. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>----</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Scratch that. He's CRAZY. I guess he's not happy about his son having a serious boyfriend (that happens to be one of his players). According to him, he 'selected' me because he knows I have a special connection with Zero. Seems like this is one huge con to get rid of him? Obviously I can't let that happen. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>---</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Had to make out with Creep Davenport today. Wasn't hard. Zero caught us, but eh. Doesn't matter much. The whole point is to make sure coach is on side for Oscar's Anti-Zero campaign. He has a lot of dirt already - a whole binder full of it. Enough that Zero would take a huge hit publicly. He's been following him. Both of them. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>---</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Zero is an asshole. All of the crap I've been dealing with since I got here. Protecting him! And he's still an ass. Still not taking responsibility for his behavior. I'll show him. I'll show him what it's like to lose someone. </em>
</p>
<p>That's the last entry, not that he can make sense of it.</p>
<p>What was she protecting him from?</p>
<p>He closes the book and goes back to the box, frowning when all he sees are a small pair of blue baby booties buried under some trinkets.</p>
<p>He pulls them out and shudders involuntarily at the reminder that...he lost something. This...<em>child</em>, or...baby. Even though he didn’t know about it, he still feels a void, feels like he failed Alexis somehow. It’s not something he was ever able to talk to her about - she was too far gone with her own grief to consider how he felt. Jude saw a hint of it but...Zero’s buried his emotions <em>deep</em> since that night he broke down.</p>
<p>If he’s being honest, he feels like it’s his fault that he caused her miscarriage somehow and he doesn’t think he’ll <em>ever </em>get over it.</p>
<p>In some ways, it only heightened his resentment toward Alexis. Knowing that she had a <em>valid </em>reason to be distraught just made him angry. He’s never considered that how he feels is how she felt but <em>worse</em>, probably. He didn’t even ask her what happened, never thought to see if he could still offer comfort.</p>
<p>...acknowledging her feelings in any way would have made it <em>real</em>.</p>
<p>Too real.</p>
<p>Selfishly, Zero was only interesting in keeping Jude from leaving, the way he left her. He studies the booties again, wonders if the color means that it was a boy – if she could have even known already. He pictures a smiling baby with his eyes and a tuft of blond hair.</p>
<p>Tears begin to roll down his face and he clutches the booties to his chest and breathes in, tries to feel as close to the image in his mind as possible.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, kid, “ he mutters to himself. “You deserved better.“</p>
<p>Something falls in another room and Zero remembers where he is. He’s supposed to be spending so much needed time with Jude before the next game. He’s just about to put them back in the box when his hands slip and they fall onto the floor. Something rolls out of one and he picks it up. It’s a thumb drive.</p>
<p>Frowning, Zero grabs his laptop and boots it up, impatiently shoving the drive into one of the USB slots. There are a series of folders and when he clicks on them, they’re full of audio files.</p>
<p>The first thing he hears is Alexis’s voice:</p>
<p>“<em>So, you’re willing to fly me out to L.A.? Just for this?”</em></p>
<p>Followed by Oscar's:</p>
<p>
  <em>I've spent my life building up this team. The way I see it, you want Zero and I want my son out of the way. Maybe we can work together. </em>
</p>
<p>That conversation goes on for a while, mostly details being hammered out so he switches to another recording.</p>
<p>“<em>Alexis, I told you that when it came down to it, you might need to make some difficult choices. What’s it going to be?”</em></p>
<p>
  <em>“What you’re suggesting is crazy, Oscar. You want me to send those guys after Zero. How does that help you with your plan?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“If Zero catches enough heat over this….thing he has with Jude, he’ll probably tap out quickly after. Just like he did in Ohio. He’s a quitter and I just need to prove that to my son. “</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Don’t you need him to be fit to play?”</em>
</p>
<p><em>Oscar laughs. “There are other players, sweetheart</em>.“</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Jude’s mouth thins into a harsh line when Zero plays him the recordings and he burrows even further into the large grey sweater that’s come to symbolize his recovery. Oscar’s still a sore spot with Jude - and how can he not be? He’s still his father.</p>
<p>“What do we do with this?” Zero asks him after the silence becomes unbearable. “If we leak it then...Oscar’s finished. It’s proof that he caused the accident.”</p>
<p>Jude bites at his lip and leans back into the leather couch. “Why do you think Alexis taped the conversations?“</p>
<p>“Damn, Jude, what does it matter?“ Zero snaps. “This is evidence that could put Oscar away for a long time.“</p>
<p>“Not necessarily. Depends on the recording laws in California.“</p>
<p>“You don’t seem very happy about this.“</p>
<p>“Would you be? Your ex-girlfriend and my father were plotting against us. “</p>
<p>“Yeah, but this is what we need to finally put him away!”</p>
<p>“And it came from her,” Jude says. “You're okay with that?”</p>
<p>“Is that what this is about? You’re mad that Alexis left evidence?“</p>
<p>“Yeah! It’s mighty convenient that she couldn’t tell us this when she was alive. Before we invaded her privacy and…”</p>
<p>Zero’s confused. “Jude, what’s really going on? What are you upset about?“</p>
<p>“These phone calls span <em>months </em>and she’s basically trying to talk Oscar off the ledge each time. Telling him that hurting you isn’t the answer. That there must be a better way. So, what changed? Why did she make that call, Zero?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know,” Zero says. “I don't know.”</p>
<p>“I think you do.”</p>
<p>“Jude, shut up, “ Zero says. “That doesn’t justify what she did. She <em>hurt </em>you. Almost <em>killed</em> you.”</p>
<p>“To stop Oscar from hurting you, “ Jude says. “As mad as she was at you, she... she couldn't do it.”</p>
<p>“Am I supposed to be grateful?” Zero asks him. “That she chose my life other yours? Am I?”</p>
<p>“I don't know. But I am. I'm glad it wasn't you that got hurt. Didn't you hear what Oscar said? There are other players. He was willing to destroy <em>everything</em>.”</p>
<p>“... what's wrong with him? He's…” Zero struggles to get his words out because he's so <em>frustrated</em> by Oscar's behavior.</p>
<p>Jude swallows audibly and picks up from where Zero trails off. “He’s out of control. “</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Alexis’s funeral takes place two weeks after her death, with the team getting special dispensation to fly to Ohio and attend. It means that one of their playoff games has been postponed. Not that their chances of making the finals are high anyway. With each performance, the team has been getting sloppier and sloppier and the writing is already on the wall.</p>
<p>Jude remains in Los Angeles while Lionel accompanies Zero just in case Alexis’s parents make a scene. Anna was okay with him before she flew back home, but it’s not like she’s on his side here. He’s always going to be the guy that made their daughter abandon her life and get <em>killed</em>. He needs all the protection that he can get.</p>
<p>Luckily for him, the Matthews’ are occupied by the service and Zero and Lionel sneak into the church and take their seats next to the rest of the team. The service proceeds the way they usually do. Moving words, some hymns that he vaguely recognizes and a very moving eulogy from Anna who inexplicably ends by saying, “I’d like to invite Zero up here to say a few words about my sister.“</p>
<p>Lionel pokes him in the side gently. “Did you agree to say something?“</p>
<p>“No,“ Zero hisses. “Good thing Jude’s not here.“</p>
<p>People start looking over at him and he has no option but to make his way to the front of the church.</p>
<p>“There wasn’t anyone else that I could find to say something,” Anna explains. “<em>Please</em>. “</p>
<p>“I don’t really have anything prepared, but here I go,” Zero begins, briefly glancing at the large portrait of Alexis to the side. “Alexis was...one of a kind. She was a little bit crazy if I’m being honest, but...when it came down to it, she was fiercely loyal. She was protective, caring and understanding and... imperfect. The way that we <em>all </em>are. Except, certain people failed her.</p>
<p>“They didn’t tell her that mistakes don’t define who we are. They never told her that they loved her, or that they were proud of her. They never told her that she was worth more than chasing after people who treated her badly...but...she was. She always was and I just hope that...wherever she is now, she’s at peace. That’s all she ever wanted.“</p>
<p>After the service is over, Alexis’s parents approach Zero and Lionel. Her father’s eyes are red rimmed and his skin ashen and her mom isn’t faring any better.</p>
<p>“Thank you for saying all of that,” her mother says. “I know it couldn’t have been easy.“</p>
<p>“Fuck that,“ her father hisses. “He’s the reason why our daughter is lying in the casket. He did this to her. Greed, son. It isn’t the mark of an honest man.“</p>
<p>“Honey, please don’t make a scene,” her mother says. “Not here.“</p>
<p>Zero clears her throat, “Actually, <em>you’re </em>the reason why she’s lying there. Alexis was so tired of living in Anna’s shadow and being treated like crap by both of you that she was willing to put up with the crumbs that guys like me gave her. You should both look at yourselves.“</p>
<p>Anna reaches his side just as he’s done talking and Mrs. Matthews latches onto her and points an accusatory finger in his direction. “Sweetie, why did you have to invite him. He’s saying terrible things.“</p>
<p>“Terrible, but true, “ Anna replies. “You treated her like she was nothing, Mom. Her being dead doesn’t change that. We <em>all </em>failed her.“</p>
<p>Zero decides to bow out then, leaving them to squabble amongst themselves. His mind is on Jude and how gracious he was when Zero told him he’d be attending the funeral. In a weird way, he has no choice but to forgive Alexis.</p>
<p>“Zero!“ He looks up and sees a familiar face in front of him. “I’m Jack Rosson. I’m a huge fan. My wife and I were devastated when you left for L.A.”</p>
<p>It doesn’t take long for Zero to connect the dots. “You were Alexis’s psychiatrist, right?“</p>
<p>Rosson nods and smiles. “Yes. She was a troubled girl, but I always saw the good in her. It's a pity that things ended this way.”</p>
<p>It’s the small smirk on his face that flips a switch in Zero and takes a step back punching Rosson in the face.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Lionel sits next to him on the flight back and presses an ice pack to his knuckles. “You wanna tell me what that was all about, champ? I had to sign a <em>lot </em>of autographs to get the police not to haul you downtown.”</p>
<p>“That guy is an asshole.”</p>
<p>“Oh, Zero, I’ll tell you what I always tell Jude. You don’t have to lift a muscle to hit someone where it hurts, you just need to be strategic about it. Play your best card. Hit him right in his weak spot.“</p>
<p>“I don’t think Jude would appreciate it if I fought Alexis’s battle for her.“</p>
<p>”...and yet, I think he would understand.“</p>
<p>“What makes you say that?“</p>
<p>“You have <em>definitive </em>proof that Oscar was behind the accident and yet, he hasn’t gone to the police. Why do you think that is?“</p>
<p>“...he did a lot of messed up shit for Oscar. He can’t risk the scrutiny?“</p>
<p>Lionel nods. “And...that’s not the best weak spot. He’ll get out the way he always does, but there’s one thing worse than taking away a man’s freedom.”</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“His reputation.“</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Tired of Moving So Slow</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Chapter 13: Tired Of Moving So Slow</strong>
</p>
<p>
  
</p><hr/>
<p>It’s been two months since the accident and Jude’s got his check-up appointment, something he wouldn't be attending if Zero didn’t message him about it <em>five</em> times. To appease him, Jude ditches his comfy grey cardigan and changes into casual clothes, glancing at his row of suits longingly before he shuts his closet. The drive to the doctor’s office is uncomfortable but smooth enough that Jude starts to feel like he can breathe again.</p>
<p>Zero wanted him to take an Uber, like Jude’s so traumatized that he can’t drive himself. The truth is that it takes a <em>lot</em> to shake him up. There’s a part of him that’s been desensitized for so long, a hole where his emotions should be. The only thing that’s ringing true is what he feels for Zero. A love so strong that it keeps him going even in his darkest moments.</p>
<p>“You're healing nicely, Mr. Kinkade,” Dr. Roberts says after glancing at his medical chart.</p>
<p>Jude offers the doctor a weak smile. “Well, I’m happy to hear that.”</p>
<p>The doctor types something on his computer, looking up briefly to ask: “How are you feeling?”</p>
<p>“Like I've been hit by a truck. Apart from that, I’m great.”</p>
<p>Jude’s not sure why he’s joking about it, but what else is he supposed to do? Cry over the fact that his own father tried to kill him?</p>
<p>The doctor chuckles good naturedly and fires off some more routine questions.</p>
<p>“Well, I'm happy with your progress. It's going to take a couple weeks, or maybe months for you to return full health, but I'm confident that there will be no complications.”</p>
<p>“Months?” Jude echoes. “It's been two months already.”</p>
<p>The doctor frowns. “Jude, your injuries might not seem bad on their own, but combined together and with the overall trauma, I'd advise you to ensure you heal properly. Overexerting yourself could lead to some complications down the line.”</p>
<p>“I'm going crazy at home. Can I at least start working out again?”</p>
<p>It's the idleness that's killing him, the way he lounges around and basks in his own stress and anxiety.</p>
<p>“Some light exercise won't do you any harm.”</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Jude goes for a jog a few hours after Zero informs him that he's touched down in Ohio where the team is paying their respects at Alexis's funeral. He checks online when he's back, desperately trying to take his mind off the burning pain in his chest – he may have beat the pavement harder than he should have.</p>
<p>It takes him a few minutes to find footage of Zero speaking at Alexis’s funeral and Jude watches on silently, unable to even process <em>what </em>he’s feeling. Everything has happened so quickly that he’s barely come to terms with it.</p>
<p>His injuries are keeping him housebound and it’s making him <em>crazy</em> hence the jog. He lied to the doctor earlier to get out of being prodded and poked even more. The truth is that he feels like he’s made of glass, like his once healthy body is a weak, frail version of itself. His muscular physique is less toned, a result of not being able to hit the gym.</p>
<p>Worst of all, his job is gone now, given to whatever lackeys Oscar is surrounding himself with now and it feels like everything he’s been through over the past few years means <em>nothing</em>.</p>
<p>Zero’s the only person keeping him going and Jude knows he’s fucking that up too. Every day that passes without them dropping a dime on Oscar is another day that Zero spends wondering if Jude is <em>still </em>disillusioned over their father-son bond (or lack thereof).</p>
<p>On top of that, the police have been sniffing around, asking questions about his accident and Alexis's death. The lead detective thinks there might be a connection (although, Jude is sure that theory will vanish once Oscar catches wind of it). Apparently, Alexis received a call from two unknown numbers before she died, one of which was triangulated to the Devils Arena.</p>
<p>With the advice of his lawyer, Jude's stance has been to offer no comment and concede that Oscar has won this round.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>That changes when there’s a knock on the door the day Zero’s due to return from Ohio and he answers it to find his mother, Cathy, standing in the doorway.</p>
<p>“Jude, baby, you’re okay!” Cathy cries. “I just came back from a month-long retreat and -- I just heard. Are you okay, baby?”</p>
<p>Jude welcomes her in reluctantly. Their Tuesday night dinners are a thing of the past now. Partly because being Zero's agent kept him busy and partly because she didn't approve of the work he was doing for Oscar. She called him after Zero kissed him on court, but even that turned into yet another rant about the team.</p>
<p>Truth be told, Jude’s mother has always been a distant figure in his life. Sure, she picked up the slack when Oscar left, but she was never the same after. It was fad after fad, diet after diet, scrounger after scrounger and when he left for college, he didn't expect there to be any major change.</p>
<p>“Mom, what are you doing here?” Jude asks once she's made herself at home. “I wish you'd called first.”</p>
<p>Cathy wipes at her eyes and levels him with a stern look. “Don’t give me that tone. This is Oscar, right? He did this to you?”</p>
<p>“What makes you think that?”</p>
<p>“I was married to him for ten years,” she says before segueing into one of her anecdotes about Oscar. “When you were little, you’d look at me and ask when you were going to get a brother or sister and I’d look right back and say <em>soon</em> bec--”</p>
<p>“---because you didn’t have the heart to tell me that you’d married a wicked man,” Jude says. “You’ve told me this story a <em>million </em>times, mom.”</p>
<p>“Yet you <em>chose </em>to come here and work for him, plot for him - scheme for him,” she says, “and don’t try to deny it either. I can see the change in you. You’re different and you’re….”</p>
<p>This is <em>new</em>, the open look of disappointment on her face, the despair in her eyes. They might have a contentious relationship, but...she’s always loved him, always rolled her eyes and pulled him in because he’s her little boy.</p>
<p>This time she doesn’t, she just stands there and takes in the faint bruises on his face and stares like he’s a puzzle she can’t solve, a maze she can’t make her way through.</p>
<p>“I’m what, Mom?” Jude asks. “...just like Oscar?”</p>
<p>Her silence says more than words ever could.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Jude’s always been a lousy cook, and since the accident, he’s been surviving on whatever Zero’s personal chef makes. That means that he can’t send his mother packing when she announces that she’s staying for dinner.</p>
<p>When Zero appears in the doorway, Jude pulls him to the side and says, “My mom’s here. She wants to stay for dinner.”</p>
<p>Zero smiles at him gently and pulls him in, kissing him fervently like he didn’t hear what Jude <em>just</em> said. “Sorry. I had to do that. I missed you. Anyway. What did you say?”</p>
<p>Jude fights to keep his own smile off his face, sobering up when he hears a voice in the distance. “My mom’s here.”</p>
<p>Zero's never met her, but Jude's clued him in. Told him about how his mom’s resentment left him feeling the same way Oscar’s abandonment did – hopeless and alone.</p>
<p>“Oh. That’s great. We tried to call her after the accident, but…”</p>
<p>“I don’t think she realized how bad it was. Apparently, she went on a month-long retreat.”</p>
<p>“To where? Inner Mongolia? She didn’t hear about her <em>only</em> son’s car careening over a ravine after being hit by a truck?”</p>
<p>Jude glances towards the spacious foyer and back, hoping that his mom is occupied with something and not eavesdropping. “She’s a bit…flighty. It’s probably best that she wasn’t here.”</p>
<p>Zero is less than impressed. “She’s your <em>mom</em>, Jude.”</p>
<p>“You say that like it makes a difference.”</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Cathy's all smiles when Zero joins them in the kitchen. Dinner is nothing simple, just spinach and mushroom gnocchi with parmesan (and a healthier version for Zero), not that it matters to Jude. His appetite has been non-existent for the past two months, gone along with everything he lost after the accident.</p>
<p>“Zero, darling, it's a pleasure to meet you.”</p>
<p>Zero’s lips upturn good-naturedly. “You too, Mrs. Kinkade.”</p>
<p>Jude looks up sharply because she <em>hates</em> being called that. He’s seen her lose her shit over it numerous times, even when it was her fault.</p>
<p>“So, you're in love with my son?” Cathy asks instead and Jude breathes a sigh of relief.</p>
<p>Zero nods. “I am. Very much. He’s an amazing guy.”</p>
<p>“You had a lot of balls kissing him like that, I'll tell you that much. Twenty-five thousand people and you did it anyway. He wasn’t going to turn you down after that.”</p>
<p>“Mom!” Jude chastises her while Zero shoves a forkful of food into his mouth and chews slowly, his eyes firmly on Cathy like he’s trying to analyze her.</p>
<p>“Jude, I'm allowed to comment. I'm your mother.”</p>
<p>Jude feels a wave of annoyance washing over him. Where was she when he was stuck in the hospital wondering who had it out for him? Where was his mother then?</p>
<p>“Right. Maybe you want to tell Zero that he's with a wicked man?”</p>
<p>Zero shoots him a questioning look, but Jude’s too busy looking for validation from his mom, words that will make the self-doubt go away, heal the darkness he’s been struggling to break free of for so long.</p>
<p>“Baby, I love you. More than anything. I know you, though. I know that there wasn't anything you wouldn't do if that man asked you. And he asked. I know he did. He called to gloat.”</p>
<p>“Mom…”</p>
<p>“Who's Cindy Bruhl?”</p>
<p>Just like that Jude's blood runs cold. He looks at Zero whose face is unreadable, the way it is when he’s unsure about something. Jude hates that – the notion that Zero is unsure about <em>him</em>.</p>
<p>“He told you?”</p>
<p>It’s obvious now that Oscar’s been ready to throw him to the wolves for a long time.</p>
<p>Cathy smiles sadly. “Was it worth it, Jude?”</p>
<p>He can't answer.</p>
<p>When she stands up to embrace him, he finds himself sobbing into her shoulder.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>“Who's Cindy Bruhl?”</p>
<p>Cathy’s gone, whisked off in an Uber back to her place in San Bernardino.</p>
<p>“I’d rather not talk about it, Zero,” Jude says. “<em>Please</em>.”</p>
<p>Zero doesn’t back down, simply asking again. “Who is she and why did you spend half an hour <em>crying </em>when your mom brought it up?”</p>
<p>“Does it matter?”</p>
<p>“Does it….” Zero’s voice is colored with disbelief. “We’re a team. We trust each other. I think it fucking matters. You know <em>everything </em>about me. I want to know everything about you.”</p>
<p>“You don’t want to know about Cindy.”</p>
<p>“What is it? A Kinkade family secret?”</p>
<p>Jude bites his lip, shakes his head. “It’s for your own safety. I told you that you had no idea what I’d done for Oscar.”</p>
<p>There’s quiet after that, the kind that drags on for a touch too long and Jude knows that one piece has slotted into place for Zero. Another realization on top of everything else.</p>
<p>“You know too much about his…<em>dealings</em>.” Zero snorts to himself. “That’s why Oscar didn’t care <em>who </em>Alexis sent his goons after. It was a warning. That’s why you’re sitting on those tapes.”</p>
<p>“What do you want me to do, Gideon? Turn him into the same cops that report back to him?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know, Jude, but...you need to do something. He can’t <em>control </em>you anymore, not if you want to make it out in one piece.”</p>
<p>“My mom thinks I’m beyond saving.”</p>
<p>Zero meets his eyes. “Once upon a time, I thought that about myself and then I met you. You showed me that I was worth something. That my own fear of wanting more was holding me back. I say this with love, Jude - <em>fuck</em> your mom.”</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Jude waits until Zero’s asleep before he digs out Alexis’s box and retrieves the thumb drive from the tiny pair of baby booties. Part of him thinks it was a nice – albeit deliberate - touch. Storing evidence in the <em>one </em>item that will always remind them of the tragedy she went through.</p>
<p>Alexis was a lot of things, but Jude can’t help but admire her chicanery.</p>
<p>He places the booties back in the box and heads to his office. According to Zero, everything his mom said is wrong, but Jude knows better. He knows that she’s right. The depths he’s gone to, the extend he <em>would </em>have gone if Oscar didn’t shun him...it scares him.</p>
<p>He decides that he’s not going to be part of the cover-up.</p>
<p>After all, Alexis is officially dead.</p>
<p>She’s gone and all that’s left is Oscar.</p>
<p>He uploads the most incriminating files to a secure server and then adds the rest to a throwaway online file storage account.</p>
<p>He scans through his contact list before he lands on Noah, an annoying pain in the ass reporter that’s always begging him for exclusives. He composes the email quickly and hits send before he can think about it.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Breaking News! </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>This morning, audio was released of Los Angeles Devils owner, Oscar Kinkade, arranging what appears to be a hit on star player Zero and/or his own son, Jude Kinkade. There’s a yet unidentified female on the tapes, although, local reports suggest that Oscar was in cahoots with recently deceased Devil Girl, Alexis Matthews. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>It’s been a contentious year for Oscar, after fighting for control with his estranged wife, Lionel Davenport, and it seems that nothing has changed. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Everything happens quickly.</p>
<p>First, Jude gets wind of the board asking Oscar to step down while they investigate the claims and next, he receives a call from Marcus Douglas. Marcus asks him to come to the arena for a meeting and Jude can't help the rush of excitement that floods through him. It’s easy to act like this is just a routine meeting, like he’s not currently embroiled in several scandals.</p>
<p>Reality finally sinks in when Zero barges into his former office halfway through the meeting, waving his phone angrily. Someone at the arena must have seen him because he purposely didn't tell Zero where he'd be.</p>
<p>“Jude, what the fuck is this? How did InsideSports get these recordings?”</p>
<p>Jude looks at Marcus before he glances back at Zero and mouths “<em>not now</em>”.</p>
<p>Marcus eyes dart between Jude and Zero momentarily and he excuses himself. “Jude, I’ll be in touch about reinstating you as EVP. I don't think it'll be a problem with the rest of the board.”</p>
<p>He leaves without fanfare and Jude has no choice but to face Zero.</p>
<p>“Jude, what's going on?” Zero trails off with a bitter laugh. “Is that what you want? To be EVP of <em>this </em>team.”</p>
<p>“Well, yeah,” Jude says, because where else is he going to go. “You’re here.”</p>
<p>“It doesn’t matter where I am,” Zero says. “Is this the best thing for you?”</p>
<p>“Yes.”</p>
<p>“Right and... I get no say in it?”</p>
<p>“Not really. This isn’t 1925 and I’m not your wife. I don’t need to run every single life decision by you.”</p>
<p>While Jude's aware that he sounds cold, he can't help it. Being back in this chair is not something he takes lightly.</p>
<p>Zero’s eyes widen comically. “Wow. Okay, well. I’m going to go now.”</p>
<p>Jude knows Zero inside and out, well enough that it's obvious he's not angry about him returning to work.</p>
<p>“Or you can tell me what’s really bothering you,” Jude says, “Cuz, you’ve <em>always </em>known that working for this team is my <em>dream</em> job.”</p>
<p>“There’s nothing bothering me,” Zero mutters, even though the fact that he's stiff as a board implies otherwise. He's uncomfortable and uneasy with how <em>murky</em> everything is.</p>
<p>“So, you’re not mad that I released the tapes without telling you, that Alexis has been dragged into this?”</p>
<p>Jude knows the answer to his question. He considered it before he released the tapes, knew that it would be the only way to force the conversation he's been too scared to have.</p>
<p>“Why would I be mad that Alexis was brought into this?”</p>
<p>“For the same reason that I had to listen to you talk about her for <em>months</em>, the same reason you told her your real name. The same reason that she protected <em>you</em> when Oscar wanted to hurt you.”</p>
<p>“What reason is that, Jude, huh? Enlighten me.”</p>
<p>Jude clasps his hands together. “She wasn’t just...a <em>fling</em>. You cared about her and... like you did with me, you ran away. All the way to California.”</p>
<p>Zero's eyes are wide and searching. “So, what, you’re saying that I’ve been lying to myself this entire time?”</p>
<p>“Just like I lied to myself about Oscar. Have you ever heard of Dostoevsky? ‘<em>The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and for others. And having no respect he ceases to love</em>.’ Remind you of anyone?”</p>
<p>The fight leaves Zero suddenly and he slumps down onto a vacant chair. He looks dejected and broken, like he's been holding onto his emotions for so long that releasing them is taking a physical toll.</p>
<p>“You knew from the start, didn’t you?”</p>
<p>“Not from the start, but after Jelena, I had my suspicions. It was your ‘<em>I don’t do relationships</em>’ speech that really made me see. The one thing you’ve never been able to buy or con your way into is a real, loving relationship. Whenever you fall for someone, you convince yourself that it’s going to fail anyway and you run.”</p>
<p>“I didn’t run from Jelena.” Zero points that out just like Jude knew he would.</p>
<p>“...but you <em>hired </em>escorts and... you knew how ruthless she was. You knew she’d find out. It just so happened that she took it further than you expected and even then, there was me…”</p>
<p>“If you believe that then why are we here? Why don’t you think I’m going to run off with someone else?”</p>
<p>“You came back for me after I left you. You were willing to sacrifice <em>everything </em>for me. That told me all I needed to know.”</p>
<p>In the end, it’s that simple. Jude may have felt insecure about Jelena and Alexis, but that’s what it always comes down to.</p>
<p>Zero came after him and refused to let him go.</p>
<p>“Does that mean all of this was my fault?” Zero seems shocked, like he’s <em>really </em>been compartmentalizing his emotions to the point where they’re not real anymore.</p>
<p>“It doesn’t really matter now. Everybody knows the truth. I’m sure that’s what Alexis would want.”</p>
<p>Zero’s gaze is distant and unfocused. “Yeah...maybe.”</p>
<p>“What do you want?” Jude asks. “What's the one thing you want from all of this?”</p>
<p>Zero's response is simple and to the point.</p>
<p>“For all of this to be over.”</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Cathy is waiting outside when Jude and Zero reach home, pacing along their driveway erratically.</p>
<p>“I’ve been getting phone calls all day,” she says after they’ve ushered her inside. “About Oscar. Apparently, he’s gone.”</p>
<p>Jude exhales deeply. “Yeah, Mom, he vanished once the story broke. We just got back from the arena. They're reinstating me as EVP.”</p>
<p>Cathy and Zero share a look and Jude knows what they’re thinking.</p>
<p>“That job is all I’ve ever wanted,” he tells them. “I can’t run away from it.”</p>
<p>His mother tuts loudly. “Yes, honey, but <em>why? </em>The why doesn’t stop being important, Jude. Even after everything, why?”</p>
<p>Zero steps forward and says, “I agree with your mom, Jude. Although, I support you all the way.”</p>
<p>Cathy emits a bitter and mirthless laugh. “Really? If he wanted to jump off a cliff would you support that too?”</p>
<p>Zero raises his hands in defense. “This is hard for him, Cathy. His own <em>father </em>tried to kill him!”</p>
<p>“Of course he did!” she cries. “Jude’s helped him cover up <em>two </em>murders and he was in cohorts with the woman who swindled him out of his team. Did you think Oscar would take that lightly?”</p>
<p>“Mom!” Jude exclaims because he <em>only</em> just got Zero to stop asking about Cindy Bruhl.</p>
<p>“Jude, what is she talking about?” Zero's face is stoic.</p>
<p>“When I first got to L.A. I didn’t have a job and I contacted Oscar. He was distant at first until one day he asked me to give him an alibi and I did. He also asked me to...<em>accompany</em> a friend of his, I think she was a server from an underground poker game. She saw something she wasn’t supposed to, and he said he was going to help her start a new life in Mexico. My job was to drive her to a location and hand her to the people that would take care of her.”</p>
<p>Zero’s expression hardens. “That’s messed up, Jude.”</p>
<p>Jude licks his lips nervously, suddenly feeling small in the face of Zero and his mother’s obvious consternation.</p>
<p>“I’ll kill him myself for what he’s done to you,” his mother says with an anguished expression on her face.</p>
<p>Jude laughs humorlessly. “I didn’t put the pieces together until a few years later when her parentsshowed up and Oscar swore up and down that he never met her. They found her body on an abandoned building site two months later. By then I was working as an agent stillwaiting for him to accept me.”</p>
<p>“You helped him get away with <em>one</em> murder,” Zero says, like that’s not bad enough on its own. “The dancer didn’t have anything to do with you.”</p>
<p>“How do you think he got out of prison?”</p>
<p>Technically, Lionel went behind his back and gave Oscar confidential information, but Jude’s already fighting enough fires – he can’t lose his best friend too. She’s just another victim of Oscar’s poisonous game and Jude was the one who pushed her into his path.</p>
<p>He has nobody to blame but himself.</p>
<p>Zero pauses to think about it, face twisted with confusion as he says, “Didn’t one of the witnesses disappear? Without that, the case against him fell apart.”</p>
<p>That was the official story, yes, but it’s not what happened.</p>
<p>“The medical examiner didn’t just <em>disappear</em> out of nowhere,” Jude tells them. “I found his location and Oscar got hold of it. Before that I tried to get Chase Vincent to sign a plea deal over a crime I knew he didn’t commit. My hands aren’t clean.”</p>
<p>“Well, I’ll be damned,” Cathy utters. “I need a drink.”</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>After Jude’s mom goes home, he and Zero are left tiptoeing around each other awkwardly. It feels like the past few days have been rife with heavy conversations and Jude’s exhausted. His neck is tense and sore, both due to stress and his still healing injuries. That’s nothing compared to how he felt when his mother shook her head wordlessly and told Jude she’d see him later. From experience, Jude knows it will be a while before she’s able to be around him.</p>
<p>That leaves Zero who’s still at the house. Jude considers that a win, knows that if Zero packed up and left he’d be within his rights. What Jude’s done isn’t easy to live with, and that’s without all the drama they’ve been through over the past few months. Jude considers himself lucky that Zero’s still here with him.</p>
<p>“My agent called a few hours ago,” Zero says when he walks into the master bedroom. “Couple of news stations are running a story about me and Alexis. They want a comment.”</p>
<p>Jude perches on the end of their bed and releases a deep breath. “I didn’t tell Noah that you and Alexis had a history.”</p>
<p>Zero plasters a forced smile on his face, “You didn’t need to. She and I used to do pap strolls for fun back in Ohio. Wasn’t exactly L.A. but it’s all out there. Can’t blame anyone for that but myself.”</p>
<p>Jude swallows past the bile in his throat, suddenly unable to sit here and pretend that he didn’t drop a huge bomb earlier on. “Am I a bad person?”</p>
<p>“Jude, I don’t think we should talk about this,” Zero says. “What’s done is done.”</p>
<p>“So, what? You’re okay with what I did. You’re not angry?”</p>
<p>Zero takes his time to answer. “Do you feel remorse for what you’ve done?”</p>
<p>“.... every day. It’s why I never told you, why I tried so hard to be <em>patient</em> with Alexis, I’ve done some messed up things, but it’s not who I am. It <em>can’t</em> be who I am.”</p>
<p>“I don’t think you’re a bad person,” Zero says, finally answering Jude’s initial question. “We can’t be <em>good</em> all the time and nobody’s perfect. All we can do is learn from our mistakes. Sounds like you’ve already done that.”</p>
<p>“What about my mom?”</p>
<p>Zero joins Jude on the edge of the bed and knocks their shoulders together gently.</p>
<p>“Cathy will come around. In the meantime. I’m here and...I love you. No matter what you’ve done.”</p>
<p>Jude leans into Zero, letting his head drop onto his shoulder. When Zero’s arms wrap around his body and pulls him in close, he allows himself to breathe.</p>
<p>His eyes flutter shut, and he prays that everything will be okay.</p>
<p>That <em>they’ll </em>make it through this in one piece.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Just Lay Here With Me Tonight</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Chapter 14: Just Lay Here With Me Tonight</strong>
</p>
<p>
  
</p><hr/>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>“Devils Nation, rise up!”</p>
<p>Loud music blasts through the speakers, reverberating around the Devils Arena while the fans roar in anticipation. Zero watches on as the Devil Girls get into place for their performance, wondering how it’s come to this - a memorial for Alexis that’s more of a grandstand event than a somber affair designed to pay tribute.</p>
<p>It was Jude’s idea to hold it here – a way to pay their respects and show that they’re soldiering on in the wake of their playoff defeat <em>and </em>Oscar’s scandals.</p>
<p>Judging by the turn out, Jude’s on the money once again.</p>
<p>Although Jude’s mom doesn’t approve of his continued work with the team it’s obvious that this is his element. Jude knows what he’s doing and he’s <em>good</em> at it. Without him, there’s no way the board would have resisted a last-ditch attempt by Jelena and Terrence Wall to <em>steal</em> the team.</p>
<p>Unfortunately for them, Oscar still owns the majority and his marriage to Lionel means that she’s back in charge.</p>
<p>The loud music fades to silence and Zero swallows down whatever emotion he’s feeling when a black and white picture of Alexis appears on the screen. That’s followed by photographs of her with the Ohio Thunder Girls, her family, her first performance with the Devils Girls and lastly, a picture of her and Zero. It’s one that Anna forwarded onto him. Alexis is looking up at him while he gives the camera a sheepish grin. Truthfully, he doesn’t remember taking it and he was against using it.</p>
<p>Jude, however, thought it was a good idea.</p>
<p>“This isn’t about sentiment, Gideon, it’s about securing the future we’ve worked so hard for. You wanted to be the face of the team. Now’s your chance.”</p>
<p>Zero knows how it looks. The optics on this are great. Zero’s close friend (that’s what they’re going with) was presumably killed by his team owner and yet, here he is - standing with the team and honoring her. The consummate professional – loyal and unwavering even in the face of personal tragedy. It feels strange to be use Alexis’s death like this, but after everything she did to him, he wonders if it matters.</p>
<p>“Are you ready for your presentation?” Jude whispers as the first notes of Red Hot Chili Peppers’ ‘Scar Tissue’ sound. The Devil Girls begin their performance amid a hushed silence from the crowd. They picked Scar Tissue because it was Alexis’ favorite song, but even Zero can admit it’s the perfect song choice. Haunting yet oddly uplifting at the same time.</p>
<p>“As I’ll ever be,” Zero replies without taking his eyes off the performance. “I did speak at her funeral after all. This is a cakewalk compared to that.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, I saw that,” Jude says. “Did you mean what you said about her?”</p>
<p>This is the first he’s hearing of this, but given all that’s happened, he can see how it didn’t come up. It’s not like her funeral was something Jude wanted to talk about.</p>
<p>“In some weird way…yeah, I did. That’s not to say that I forgive her for what she did to you, but she wasn’t well. She suffered the same way I did and you know that I’ve done some fucked up shit and used my childhood as an excuse. How am I any different?”</p>
<p>“For one, you’ve never tried to kill anyone.”</p>
<p>Zero laughs because there <em>is</em> that. The revelation about how far Jude went to protect Oscar has been looming over them like an ugly shadow. Jude’s been withdrawn and sullen unless the topic is Devils related and Zero’s been hanging on for the ride, wondering how everything got so messed up.</p>
<p>“I think you’re up soon,” Jude adds when Zero doesn’t respond. “After <em>Jelena</em>. Apparently, she wants to cement her position as our Creative Director. She put this entire event together.”</p>
<p>“How did she manage to worm her way into that?” Zero’s always admired Jelena’s resourcefulness and ability to come out on top even when she loses.</p>
<p>The corners of Jude’s mouth turn up. “It was that or wait for her to stab us in the back again. Come on, I think we should make our way down now.”</p>
<p>Zero’s aware that Jude didn’t really answer the question, but he lets it go.</p>
<p>“Alexis wasn’t here for long, but she made a mark on us all,” Jelena is saying when they’re making their way down from the executive box. “Above everything her passing is a teaching moment – a reminder that life is too short to spend it wasting time. We’re a family and…we always will be.”</p>
<p>The crowd break into applause after Jelena is finished and there’s a brief music interlude while they adjust the podium for Zero.</p>
<p>“Alexis would <em>love </em>all of this,” Jelena remarks when she approaches them. “I know we’re all toeing the party line, but I could <em>smell</em> the ambition in her. Girl after my own heart. And you, Zero, you certainly don’t come out looking too bad in all of this. Derek’s embroiled in his cheating scandal and here you are, the grieving Captain-to-be, in a loving relationship. Bye-bye Roman Emperor and hello, Zero the Conqueror.”</p>
<p>Zero allows his lips to curl into a small smirk, aware that the cameras may pan to him at any time. “I like that. Zero the Conqueror. Maybe I’ll get some t-shirts printed.”</p>
<p>“Bite me.”</p>
<p>“Been there, done that <em>and </em>if I recall correctly,you liked it.”</p>
<p>“Enough foreplay,” Jude mumbles beside him as Jelena grimaces with exaggerated disgust, “It’s time.”</p>
<p>“I think Jelena should come back out and stand with us. You know because we’re family.”</p>
<p>Jelena opens her mouth to protest, but Jude’s analytical mind is faster and sharper than she ever will be.</p>
<p>“That’s a <em>brilliant</em> idea,” Jude says. “C’mon. Let’s go.”</p>
<p>That’s how Zero delivers his words, with Jelena and Jude flanking him on either side. The irony doesn’t escape him. He’s talking about his <em>dead </em>ex-girlfriend while his boyfriend and ex-girlfriend are in ear-shot.</p>
<p>Three different relationships mirroring three different stages of his life. Suddenly, the carefully planned words Jude wrote fly out of the window and he decides to lay it all out the way it is.</p>
<p>“Alexis and I used to have this…dream, I guess, where everything was <em>better</em>. We’d talk about taking over the world. Becoming stars. Crazy things like that….” Zero trails off. “And I’m sure there are people at home thinking, ‘<em>is this guy for real? He’s standing in front of two other people that he’s been involved with!’</em> I had that same thought.</p>
<p>“The one thing Alexis’s death has taught me is that the <em>one</em> thing we can do in this world is treat people better. I should have treated Alexis better and now I can’t. That’s a cross I’ll always bear. I should have treated Jelena better and I hope she’ll give me a chance to.”</p>
<p>“<em>Son of a bitch</em>,” Jelena mutters from behind him. “You guys <em>are</em> good. Is this your work, Kinkade?”</p>
<p>“This isn’t the speech I wrote,” Jude adds, although there’s a hint of curiosity in his tone.</p>
<p>“…finally, there’s Jude Kinkade. There’s been a ton of stories about him. How could he not know what his own father was up to? My answer to that is - does it matter? Jude didn’t commit the sins of his father. Alexis Matthews died because of <em>Oscar Kinkade </em>and him only. I think that the best thing for <em>all </em>of us to do to band together, wear our red and black and show Oscar that he can hurt people, hurt our friends, our reputation, but he can never take away our <em>soul</em>. Our fighting spirit. Our ability to stick together and rise even after the worst lows.”</p>
<p>Zero steps back and grabs Jude’s hand, reluctantly slipping his other into Jelena’s. Her eyes narrow with disbelief, but she doesn’t resist when he raises their joined hands.</p>
<p>“Devils Nation, rise up!”</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>“That was <em>some </em>speech,” Jude remarks casually when they’re winding down at the Playground hours later. Zero’s tired from all the press interviews, face literally aching from all of the smiling. “Although, Anna didn’t seem very happy.”</p>
<p>“Can you blame her? We’re rebranding the team off the back of her sister’s death.”</p>
<p>Jude raises an eyebrow. “You didn’t say no.”</p>
<p>“It’s not for <em>me</em> to say no, Jude,” Zero says. “We didn’t even ask her family about any of this.”</p>
<p>“You and I both know that they didn’t care what she wanted.”</p>
<p>Zero places his hand on Jude’s. “I know. Jelena was right. Alexis would have <em>loved</em> this. Especially the Alexis Matthews Foundation. I don’t feel bad about it. I just don’t expect Anna to understand and dealing with her isn’t easy.”</p>
<p>“Can we get out of here?” Jude changes the subject, not that Zero minds - he could do with a break from all things Alexis. “If we have to take one more picture with Jelena, I’m going to punch myself.”</p>
<p>“Sorry about springing the Jelena stuff on you. It’s just that…it’s the <em>one </em>thing that the media has on me. I never did comment on that scandal past that disaster on the steps. Figured a united front was the best way to make us seem genuine.”</p>
<p>“It was great,” Jude says. “Awkward, but great.”</p>
<p>“How do we move past this, Jude?” Zero asks, suddenly tired of beating around the bush. “I liked Alexis. I liked Jelena. I <em>love</em> you. I’ll say it as many times as I have to.”</p>
<p>“I know you love me, Gideon,” Jude says. “Come on. We’ll talk about this at home.”</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>When Zero and Jude first started dating for real, they were limited in terms of where they could go. One time, Zero took Jude to an abandoned outdoor basketball court, showed him the ramshackle house he grew up in and told him about his long-lost sister, Laura.</p>
<p>That’s where Jude takes them.</p>
<p>“I thought you wanted to go home.”</p>
<p>Jude shuts off the engine and stares out of the window. “This is home. A place where we’re Jude and Gideon and no one else matters. Remember that?”</p>
<p>“<em>A place where we’re Jude and Gideon and no one else matters; where we’re always free of our burdens and obligations</em>.”</p>
<p>It feels like so long ago now and Zero’s fairly certain that they’re both different people now.</p>
<p>“I’m not jealous of Alexis or Jelena,” Jude says. “I guess I’m worried that you’re going to wake up one day and feel like what I’ve done is unforgivable. Some days I feel like everything is eating me alive. The guilt was easier to push down before and now…”</p>
<p>“There <em>is </em>a simple solution.”</p>
<p>Jude turns to face him. “What?”</p>
<p>“Come clean. Tell the police and…see what happens.”</p>
<p>“What?” Jude is taken aback, brow furrowed like he can’t comprehend what Zero is suggesting.</p>
<p>“Obviously I don’t mean to implicateyourself, but…I know you, Jude. I’m sure you have smoking guns stashed away. Maybe it’s time to let them go.”</p>
<p>“I gave the FBI <em>everything</em> I had,” Jude admits. “I got immunity in exchange for my testimony. They…they wanted me to go into protection. Can you believe that?”</p>
<p>“Oscar’s still out there. It’s not necessarily a bad idea.”</p>
<p>Jude’s jaw sets. “I’m not leaving you, Gideon. I’d take my chances with Oscar over doing that any day.”</p>
<p>“There’s never a dull moment with us, is there?”</p>
<p>“Would you be with me if there was?” Jude’s joking, but Zero’s never going to pass up an opportunity to let Jude know that he’s committed to him.</p>
<p>“I’d be with you no matter what, Jude.”</p>
<p>When their eyes meet, Jude’s lips part and all Zero wants to do is kiss him. Like two magnets moving in tandem, they converge together and meet in the middle. It’s a full-on open mouthed kiss, messy and fast like they can’t get enough of each other.</p>
<p>The world falls away around them and all that matters to Zero is this moment right here.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Zero’s birthday is a week later and he only has onerequest. A day spent doing absolutely nothing. No obligations, no media appearances, no interviews – just blissful silence and if Jude’s up for it, some adequate birthday sex.</p>
<p>“Adequate? Do you still have the number for those escorts?” Jude tosses a pillow at him. “I’d hate for it to be anything less than <em>mind-blowing </em>on your special day.”</p>
<p>It wasn’t a slight on Jude or their relationship, it’s not like Zero minds. Their honeymoon period is well and truly over and…he doesn’t care about getting his rocks off anymore. He just wants to be with Jude in whatever way he can have him.</p>
<p>“I’m just glad that you’re here.”</p>
<p>Jude detects the change in mood, and he perches on the end of the bed. “You once told me that you had a question to ask me. Said it wasn’t the right time. Has that changed?”</p>
<p>The conversation feels so long ago now, the almost-proposal before their already teetering house of cards crumbled around them.</p>
<p>Jude’s <em>different</em> and Zero’s…beyond that, yet…they still fit. Jude still makes his heart sink to his toes and makes him feel loved and cared for. He still gets sick at the mere thought of Jude’s accident, still has nightmares he’s yet to admit to.</p>
<p>“What do you think?”</p>
<p>Jude’s mouth curves into a bashful grin. “I think you should look at the nightstand.”</p>
<p>There’s a black ring box lying next to his half-full glass of water and Zero’s heart <em>soars</em>, beating almost painfully in his chest. “What is that?”</p>
<p>“Open it.”</p>
<p>Inside the box lies a ridged, titanium band and when Zero looks back up, Jude says,</p>
<p>“Will you marry me, stupid?”</p>
<p>Air escapes Zero’s lips in the form of a breathy laugh. It’s weird how <em>stupid</em> has become their go-to endearment, born out of an inability to express themselves.</p>
<p>It’s <em>their</em> thing, though and Zero would never change that for anything. He wouldn’t change any of it because this is where he wants to be - with Jude <em>forever</em>.</p>
<p>“Yes, <em>stupid</em>. I’ll marry you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Derek Roman is late for their meeting, not that Jude cares. He’s still on cloud nine from the previous day, buzzing because he’s <em>engaged</em> (and there was nothing adequate about their celebration).</p>
<p>“Can you stop smiling so much?” Lionel’s brow creases. “You’re giving me a headache.”</p>
<p>Lionel’s only recently arrived back in town, having disappeared soon after she accompanied Zero to Ohio for Alexis’s funeral. It turned out she was worried Jude hated her after what she did. While he’s not ecstatic about her betrayal, Jude takes responsibility. He was the one who told her, ergo, he’s to blame. The jury is still out on whether he can trust her, but if Zero can forgive Alexis <em>and </em>Jelena, Jude can forgive Lionel.</p>
<p>“I can’t help it.” Jude grins wider just for good measure. “We just might make it through this in one piece.”</p>
<p>“Jude, I love you, but…I don’t think you know who you’re dealing with. Oscar <em>will </em>be back. He’s not going to let this go. And what about Alexis?”</p>
<p>Jude’s unsure why Lionel is doing this, especially when he’s finally happy. “What about her?”</p>
<p>“The police never found a body. She’s only been <em>presumed</em> dead.”</p>
<p>“What’s your point, Lionel?”</p>
<p>Lionel bites her lip. “Something stinks. That’s my point. I watched Zero give a eulogy at this girl’s funeral and it washeartfelt. Too heartfelt. And then he punched her doctor, or whoever that person was. Almost like if someone was to suspect him, he’d have clear evidence suggesting that he actually cared for her.”</p>
<p>Jude glances at his office door and <em>prays </em>for Derek to appear. Anything to get him out of this conversation with Lionel.</p>
<p>“Lionel, I’d think long and hard about what you’re suggesting.”</p>
<p>Lionel sighs. “I’m sorry. It’s just the one part of this that doesn’t make sense.”</p>
<p>“Alexis had a miscarriage,” Jude admits. “Zero was…<em>is</em> kind of sensitive about the situation. He didn’t know and her family told her not to tell him...”</p>
<p>The lie rolls off his tongue easily because he needs Lionel to drop her half-baked theory before she ruins the good progress that they’ve made.</p>
<p>Lionel gasps. “Wow… I guess…maybe she wasn’t so crazy after all? Going through something like that changes you, sometimes not for the better. I’m sorry, Jude, I didn’t know.”</p>
<p>Before Jude can answer, his door opens and Derek Roman strolls in. “You wanted to see me, boss?”</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>The meeting with Derek goes terribly, not that Jude cares when Zero has him pushed up against his office wall, hands dangerously close to starting something they don’t have time to finish.</p>
<p>“Zero, I can’t do this right now,” Jude says. “I have a meeting with Marcus Douglas.”</p>
<p>Zero presses one more kiss to his neck before he backs up and rearranges his shirt. It never fails to amaze Jude how Zero can go from looking ruffled to <em>perfect</em> in mere seconds.</p>
<p>“Your mom called me <em>three</em> times.”</p>
<p>Jude smooths his hair down and straightens his tie. “What did she want?”</p>
<p>“To talk to you. Can you <em>please</em> call her back?”</p>
<p>Jude’s been on the outs with her ever since the revelation about just how far he’d gone for Oscar. Initially, he was angry that she called him out in front of Zero, but now he’s not speaking to her because he can’t allow himself to crumble now that everything is on the verge of working out.</p>
<p>“Look, I know that you’re mad that she put you on blast, but it was <em>clearly </em>eating away at you. I could see it and she could too. She’s your <em>mom</em> and she loves you. Not everybody can say the same.”</p>
<p>“Are you <em>really</em> going to guilt-trip me into calling her?”</p>
<p>Zero leans in and gives him a chaste kiss, a soft press of lips that leaves Jude chasing after him for more.</p>
<p>“There might be something else in it for you.”</p>
<p>“Fine, I’ll call her.”</p>
<p>“I saw Lionel earlier...what did she have to say for herself?” Zero’s not had much of an opinion on Lionel’s behavior, which is what makes her suspicions that much worse.</p>
<p>They have a pact about honesty now, always telling the truth no matter what and Jude can’t keep what Lionel said from him.</p>
<p>“She thinks you had something to do with Alexis’s death.”</p>
<p>Zero’s eyes flicker with surprise. “Why would she think that? I practically cried all over her at the funeral.”</p>
<p>“She thought it was a performance.”</p>
<p>“Coming from the queen of theatrics? I think I’ll take it as a compliment.”</p>
<p>Jude waits for Zero to add more, and when he doesn’t, he says, “Don’t you want to know <em>why </em>she thinks Alexis’s death was suspicious?”</p>
<p>“Not really no. I don’t care what she thinks.”</p>
<p>“What if the police ask questions? Do you have an alibi for the day she went missing?”</p>
<p>Zero scratches at his face idly. “Do <em>you </em>think I had something to do with it?”</p>
<p>“I <em>think</em> it would look bad if we didn’t have our stories straight.”</p>
<p>“I don’t have an alibi, but...after everything, do you <em>really </em>think the police will be looking at me? The guy that was so stupid he got caught with escorts? The <em>one </em>person that was asking around when she went missing?”</p>
<p>Jude mulls over Zero’s words briefly and concedes the point. Luckily, nobody was around to see much of Zero’s animosity towards Alexis. If anything, the whispers around the arena state the opposite.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry. Lionel just...got in my head a little. If it comes down to it, I’ll tell the police you were with me.”</p>
<p>“You tell them whatever you want, Jude,” Zero says, his voice terse and cold. “My hands are clean. And you know what? I’m done with this conversation. I’ll see you at home.”</p>
<p>Jude’s office door opens and slams shut before he can respond.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Jude’s forced to keep his dinner plans with Marcus Douglas instead of trying to make amends with Zero and unsurprisingly, the topic of conversation is Derek Roman.</p>
<p>“I think we should give Zero the captaincy,” Marcus says. “He’s had a difficult year and pulled through. Unlike Derek.”</p>
<p>Jude sips his wine slowly and mulls over Marcus’s words. “I say we give Derek one more year. Zero’s relationship with me might bring about the question of nepotism - especially with Derek down on his luck. I spoke with him today about cleaning his act up and hopefully he will, but if not it’s still <em>good </em>press for us. Remember he only signed a two-year contract.”</p>
<p>Marcus smiles knowingly. “He’ll be a shield for whatever wrenches the Oscar drama throws our way. And we can offload him after that. You know, your father was right about you.”</p>
<p>Jude’s hand stills above his plate. “W-what?”</p>
<p>It takes a few seconds for it to dawn on Marcus and remorse covers his face. “Sorry, Jude. It slipped my mind.”</p>
<p>It’s funny how Oscar trying to kill him can slip anyone’s mind, but it’s the way of the world. Breathless twenty-four-hour news cycles that don’t wait for people to catch up.</p>
<p>“What did he say?”</p>
<p>“That you were shaping up to be a fine businessman. He was impressed with your work.”</p>
<p>Jude smiles bitterly. “I guess he just had a funny way of showing it.”</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>By the time Jude gets home, there are three more miscalls from his mom and two from Lionel. He barely resists the urge to toss his phone into Zero’s carefully manicured bushes and turns his attention to tomorrow’s agenda, sighing when he realizes he’s got another jam packed day of meetings.</p>
<p>It’s unfair that he’s so busy during the off-season.</p>
<p>Zero’s laugh echoes across the foyer when Jude enters and toes off his shoes. Jude checks his watch and wonders who could be here so late.</p>
<p>His mother’s voice sounds before he even steps into the front room. “Jude, darling, I’ve been trying to get a hold of you!”</p>
<p>“She was here when I got back,” Zero explains in lieu of a greeting. “Want me to leave you guys to talk in private?”</p>
<p>Cathy waves his question away dismissively. “Oh, don’t be dramatic. I’m just here to find out why Jude isn’t answering my calls. It’s not like I’m one of <em>those </em>mom’s either. Would it be too much for my only child to call me once a week?”</p>
<p>“If I promise to call you once a week will you go home?”</p>
<p>“Jude.” Zero’s tone is sharp, and he realizes that he needs to hash things out with his mom once and for all.</p>
<p>“Fine. I was angry with you for being right, Mom. Oscar <em>did </em>change me and not for the better. Still. I’m <em>nothing</em> like him. I’m not... a wicked man and I’m sorry that I made you feel that way.”</p>
<p>Cathy stands and squeezes his hand tightly. “I was just trying to get through to you, Jude. You have so much potential. You’re ten times the man your father is. I just need you to believe that.”</p>
<p>“I do,” Jude says, looking down at Zero again. “Thanks to you and Gideon. Lionel, even. You’re family and that’s more than what Oscar has.”</p>
<p>“This is the part where you kiss and make up.”</p>
<p>Cathy pulls him into a tight hug, whispering, “I love you, Jude.”</p>
<p>Jude closes his eyes. “I love you too, mom.”</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Jude’s grand apology comes in the form of an all expenses trip to Cabo <em>and </em>something he’s been working on over the past few weeks.</p>
<p>He leaves the envelope by Zero’s precious juicer and grabs a quick shower, throwing on an old shirt and sweatpants when he’s done.</p>
<p>Zero’s leaning on the counter and flicking his phone when Jude gets there.</p>
<p>“The guys want me to stop by for a quick pick-up game,” he says without looking up.</p>
<p>“Good morning to you too,” Jude replies. He grabs a bowl and opens the cupboard to retrieve the cereal. “Did you see what I left for you?”</p>
<p>“Yeah. Tickets to Mexico and a folder that looks <em>just </em>like the one you had on Alexis.”</p>
<p>Jude grimaces himself - he’s going to have to talk to his investigator about getting non-manila folders.</p>
<p>“Did you open it?”</p>
<p>Zero scrolls past his Instagram feed, double-tapping on a selfie Jelena posted. “Nope.”</p>
<p>“<em>Gideon</em>.”</p>
<p>Zero finally peels his eyes away from his phone, scanning Jude for a long moment. “What’s with the get up?”</p>
<p>“I thought we could spend some time together. You know, celebrate all the good things that have happened lately. Like our engagement.”</p>
<p>Zero seems to ponder Jude’s words before he rubs the pad of his thumb over his ring. “You missed your doctor’s appointment yesterday.”</p>
<p>Jude shrugs. “I’m fine.”</p>
<p>“I’m sure you are,” Zero says. “...but just to be on the safe side, I rescheduled it for today.”</p>
<p>“Thank you,” Jude says. “For everything. And I’m sorry about Lionel. I was just...telling you what she said.”</p>
<p>Zero nods. “I know. I guess it’s still a sore spot.”</p>
<p>“That’s perfectly understandable. Alexis’s death is <em>always </em>going to leave us with more questions than answers...but there’s no point dwelling on it.”</p>
<p>“Agreed.”</p>
<p>“You should probably look in the folder,” Jude adds. “I promise that it’s something good.”</p>
<p>Zero appears uncertain but he opens it anyway, perplexed when he reads through the documents.</p>
<p>“How did you get this?”</p>
<p>“I didn’t want to get your hopes up, but I first reached out to my P.I. after the accident. If...something happened to me, I’d <em>hate </em>for you to be alone, so I promised myself that I’d find your sister. No matter how much it cost me.”</p>
<p>“I...I don’t know what to say.”</p>
<p>Jude smiles. “Say you’ll come to Mexico with me?”</p>
<p>Zero laughs breathily. “Yeah, stupid. Like I’d turn down a free vacation. Besides, we’ve <em>more </em>than earned it.”</p>
<p>“It’ll be good to relax and forget everything that’s happened.”</p>
<p>“Mm, and Cabo has the <em>best </em>beaches.”</p>
<p>It’s the twinkle in his eye that makes Jude’s heart swell with emotion.</p>
<p>“I love you, Gideon.”</p>
<p>Zero’s eyes soften. “I love you too, Jude.”</p>
<p>Jude thinks back to that almost fateful day, goes over the <em>stupid </em>argument they got into before the accident. The fact that he’s <em>lucky </em>to be here right now.</p>
<p>The way he’d do it all over again if this is what he got in the end.</p>
<p>A life with the only person who’s ever seen him for who he really is.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Epilogue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><hr/>
<p>“Hello, this is Dr Rosson speaking, how may I help you?”</p>
<p>“I noticed that you didn’t make this month’s deposit.”</p>
<p>“What the--Alexis? Is this a sick joke?”</p>
<p>“No, honey. I’ll give you until noon.”</p>
<p>“Whoever you are - you can't do this. I'll go to the police.”</p>
<p>“And say what?” Alexis laughs. “It's too bad that I'm dead, Jack. Noon. Or our little sessions go public.”</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Alexis smiles at the sound of birds chirping in the distance. She pours herself a large glass of wine and leans back in her rocking chair.</p>
<p>Los Angeles is long behind her, but it truly is the City of Dreams. The land of wannabe stars, right down from superstars to…people who are great at making it look like she died for <em>real</em>.</p>
<p>See, running away worked for Zero and... once it came down to it, once the chips fell, she figured, why not?</p>
<p>Why not run away from who she was altogether?</p>
<p>All Oscar had to do was believe that she was dead and that was easy.</p>
<p>Money talks.</p>
<p>Her family? They’re better off without her.</p>
<p>Zero’s always going to the one that got away - but she owed him one for what she did to Jude, so...she’s out of his life too. He gets to be the hero, the man who didn’t blame his ex-girlfriend for turning out to be a crazy psycho and he wins the ultimate price - public sympathy that translates into him being the face of the team.</p>
<p>Zero wins and in some ways, that’s all she ever wanted.</p>
<p>Her phone rings, the shrill tone of a landline and not the incessant buzzing of a cell phone.</p>
<p>It sounds like heaven.</p>
<p>Like <em>peace</em>.</p>
<p>“Hello?”</p>
<p>“<em>Alexis</em>. It's me.”</p>
<p>“I was wondering when you’d call. You didn't pick up the last time I called.”</p>
<p>“I’ve been a little preoccupied.”</p>
<p>“I saw all of the details online. Nice ring. Congratulations. How was the vacation?”</p>
<p>“Not bad. Turns out that Cabo has some great beaches.”</p>
<p>“Guess I’ll have to check it out for myself,” Alexis says. “Anyway. Did you manage to get the information I requested?”</p>
<p>“Yes, I did. He has about seventy-five grand in his savings account, twenty-five in his checking, and if he liquidates his assets, two million. What do you want to do?”</p>
<p>“Leak the tapes.” Alexis doesn’t even stop to think about it. She doesn’t want any more of his money after today. Today’s call was merely about wanting to mess with him one last time.</p>
<p>“How are you going to get by?”</p>
<p>“I have this...<em>thing</em> I’ve been holding onto...it might be time to get rid of it.”</p>
<p>“Okay. What about the other thing we discussed last time? Are we ever going to tell them the truth?”</p>
<p>“A wise man once said to me that we spend so much time focusing on what we don’t have that we never truly appreciate what we <em>do </em>have, and I want my family to... be happy. To have peace someday. They can do that better with each other. Without me. And...I think he'll be fine. He has you, right?”</p>
<p>“Yeah. He does. Well….good luck, Alexis.”</p>
<p>“You too, Jude.”</p>
<p>
  <em>Fin. </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>1. Thank you to everyone who’s been reading, especially those who have left wonderful comments along the way – I appreciated every one of them! ♥</p>
<p>2. Thank you again to <b>Mercury22</b> for the idea and her time. It’s been a long time since I collaborated with anyone and it was really fun working with her! The story wouldn't be what it is without her. </p>
<p>3. About the ending…. I’m not done with these characters just yet. Be on the lookout for a sequel (or two). :D<br/></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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